Dollhouse
by Blood Thirsty Angle
Summary: He didn't realize he'd entered hell the minute his mother remarried. When Hunith marries Uther Pendragon, Merlin is subjected to the man's cruelty, emotional and physical abuse. Just like a doll in a dollhouse, Merlin wears a fake plastic smile. Will someone realize what is going on? Or will Merlin be forced to mask his pain for the rest of his life?-Modern AU
1. It took me by surprise

_**Author's note:** Well hello people of Fanfiction! I have decided to put up my third Merlin story! I have a bunch of stories that I need to work on, but I wanted to do something new. This is a modern AU setting, so not a reincarnation fic. There is no magic or anything of that sort. Uther is the villain in this story (go figure), and he is doing horrible things to Merlin. Rape is an evil thing and something I would not wish upon anyone. The fact that it is happening to Merlin in this story makes me cringe, but it is the story. The majority of it is how Merlin deals with it and how long it will take for Arthur to notice when something is going wrong and how he will handle the fact that his father is an evil rapist. Another thing to note is that this is a MERTHUR fanfic. There will be Arwen in the beginning, but that will change. I don't hate Arwen, but it wasn't my preferred pairing in the show. I grew up with the legends and I always loved the story of Lancelot and Guinevere. They are my OTP for life._

_**Warnings: **Rape, underage sex, eating disorders, emotional abuse, verbal abuse_

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything. I only own minor OCs_

**_Pairings:_**_ ArthurxMerlin, ArthurxGuinevere, LancelotxGuinevere, GwainexPercival, BalinorxHunith (past), UtherxYgraine (past), UtherxHunith_

_I would react badly to the slightest hint of hesitance,_

_He'd bend awkwardly to suit my mood,_

_No word from his defense,_

_I'd cry knowing how my tears felt like,_

_Acid burning through his skin,_

* * *

_**(Merlin p.o.v)**_

At first, Merlin had no idea what to think of his mother's new boyfriend.

Uther Pendragon, head of Pendragon industries, had been her boyfriend for the past year. He was a little surprised that a man of such prestige and wealth would be interested in his beloved Mum. It wasn't like she was ugly or anything of that sort, but they were not exactly the richest sort of people. They weren't poor either, but still, he seemed a bit too unbelievable to be true. He was a proud and opionated man, almost the complete opposite of his mother, but she didn't seem to mind. Her eyes would light up whenever she'd see him and his would do the same. He made her happy and that was good enough for him.

He wasn't entirely sure what kind of business Pendragon industries was, other than the fact that they sold and manufactured bonds and savings accounts. Maybe it wasn't that, but he honestly didn't care. It was a large company in Britain that had finally crossed over the ocean to the tiny town of Ealdor, home to over a million people. Not terribly small, but small in the grand scheme of things. Uther personally sent himself to observe and oversee how things were going. His building was right next to the small café he and his mother owned, the "Magic Latte," and had invited himself over one day.

The second they met, they were head over heels.

Merlin was a freshman in high school at that point, just about ready to finish his first term. Uther had pulled him aside one day, asking him if it was alright if he asked his mother out on a date. He was surprised, seeing how rich and famous Uther was. Why would a man like him be interested in his hardworking, single, middle-class mother? At the time, he didn't think their relationship would last, but after four months, he could tell they were serious. He just didn't know _how _serious."

At sixteen years old, just about to finish his sophomore year in high school, his mother came running into their two bedroom flat, completely ecstatic. "Merlin!" she exclaimed, immediately pulling him up from his studies on the couch. "Merlin, Merlin, Merlin!"

"What is it?" he laughed, trying to calm her down. She was so small compared to him that it was like looking at a child. "Mum, you look as excited as I do on Christmas. What is it?"

"Uther proposed!" she practically squealed. "And I said yes! We're going to be married, Merlin!"

He smiled, giving her a huge hug that practically lifted her off the ground. She laughed, holding him tightly. "I can't believe I'll be getting married again," she looked at the engagement ring on her forefinger, her eyes looking at the band lovingly. "And to someone so wealthy. I wonder, why me though? Surely he could have chosen someone more beautiful and sophisticated."

"Hey, don't talk about yourself like that," he looked at her deep in the eye, noticing the doubt hidden in her dark blue orbs. "If he wanted another woman, he would have asked someone else to marry him. He loves you, and you love him. And you're a wonderful person, why wouldn't anyone like you?"

She patted his cheek, giving it a quick kiss before rushing off into their small kitchen. "I've got to tell everyone. Your grandmother, your uncle, some of my friends. Oh, and we'll need to discuss living arrangements too."

He stood very still, the impact of her news now finally hitting him. His mother, his quiet, gentle, peace loving mother, was to marry one of the most powerful men in the world. It didn't seem probable to happen, but before he could even deny it, the news was already shoved in his face. His mother was proof of that; observing the ring with wide eyes anytime she could. Living arrangements would mean only one thing: they would have to move.

There would be no way Uther would want to move out of London. The headquarters of his industry lay there and Ealdor was about an hour and twenty minutes, including a two hour drive to the airport and boarding time in between flights. If they stayed, that would mean Uther would only be able to come home for the weekends and he didn't think his mother would be able to handle that. So, the only reasonable solution would be to move to London.

"Mum," he walked into the kitchen and she put the phone back into its place, turning to him with bright eyes. He smiled tentatively. "This means we'll be moving to London, right?"

Her smile faltered; worry beginning to take over. "Yes, Uther believes it would be best if we moved in with him," her eyes widened slightly. "Oh no, you're not feeling bad about moving, are you? Merlin, if I hurt you, I-"

"It's fine," he held up a hand, shaking his head. "You know I don't really have friends here; I never have. I just…don't fit in with the people here, you know what I mean?"

She nodded. "You've always been different from the other kids, but that's not a bad thing," she reminded. "Maybe moving to a bigger school will be good. You'd meet new faces, have more diversity. Plus, Uther does have a son. Maybe you could be friend with him?"

"Maybe," he perked up a little, but then felt it sink when a realization hit him. "What about the Café? What will happen to it?"

She pursed her lips, now gazing out the window. He didn't know if he'd crossed a line or not, but she only bowed her head. "Your father and I ran it for five years before you were born. We had many good memories there," nostalgia laced her voice as she thought about his father. "I would miss it, but it's starting to become more of a burden than a pleasure these days."

"How so?"

She leaned forward, resting her arms on the counter. "The Café was your father's dream and I wanted to help him out since I didn't exactly know what I wanted to do with my life just yet. After he passed, I didn't want to close it and leave because I felt that it would be abandoning his dream. But, now that time has gone by, I think he would want me to pursue my goals. I think it time I let go and begin to move forward with my life."

He nodded thoughtfully, seeing what she was saying. He had lived in the café his whole life; it was a second home to him. Putting it up for sale almost seemed impossible, but he didn't dare say that to his mother. She deserved a new start too. "So, when is the wedding?" he asked, changing the subject. "What date?"

"I think August," she answered, pondering the thought a bit. "But I'll have to check and see with Uther. I don't think it will be a big affair, but it does take time to plan things."

"Agreed."

He wasn't sure how he'd feel with having Uther as his step-father. The man could be quite opinionated and forceful, but he was always kind towards his mother. He seemed to make her happy and that was all that mattered to him. His father had died when he was six, so he didn't remember a whole lot about him. He had always been closer to his mother, who had been his rock since he could remember. She patched him up after falling or when bullies had picked on him in school. They had movie nights and he helped her in the café all the time. She was his best friend.

But a bigger city would mean more people; possibly the potential to find someone like him. He couldn't help it if everyone his age thought he was weird because he just wanted to play his guitar and write music. At lunch he would rather read than associate with the kids in the lunchroom. It's not as if they were bad, it's just that no one ever included him to join them; they treated him as if he were some sort of alien. Not that he minded. He liked the quiet, but now that he thought about it, he was lonely. The few friends he had now were people he knew that he would not keep in touch with after graduation.

"Merlin?"

He jumped at the sound of his mother's voice and she laughed. "Why are you so jumpy? Were you thinking again?"

He nodded, grinning bashfully. "Yeah, I was just thinking about the marriage."

She looked at him carefully, tilting her head a little. "We don't have to get married if you're not okay with it. You have a say in this too; he would be your step-father after this. He asked me to ask you if that were okay."

"Of course it is," he responded. "You know as well as I do that there is nothing left for me in this town. Moving would be a good idea. And Uther is a good man; he treats you well."

She beamed, hugging him one more time before hurrying back to the now ringing phone. Merlin took this as his cue to leave, heading to his small room that actually felt more like a closet. His guitar, one of the only things he'd inherited from his father, lay gently on the covers. He picked it up, strumming aimlessly as he stared out the window. The rain was now falling gently on the glass, the view of Pendragon industries' buildings sat in front of him.

"_Strange,"_ he mused to himself. _"In a couple months I will be a Pendragon. Funny how time works."_

* * *

By the end of July, the wedding was truly on its way. A large church, the biggest one in Ealdor, had been reserved for the wedding on August 3. Food was to be prepared, the reception almost done being planned, and everyone had their attire all ready. Helping his mother pick out her wedding dress had been fun, but he knew next to nothing about dresses and spent most of the time telling her she looked wonderful.

Currently, he found himself lying on his bed, hands placed behind his head. Uther was bringing his son over for dinner tonight, where he would be staying with them for the two weeks remaining before the wedding. Neither of them had met Uther's son, so naturally they were worried. They stood patiently at the door, his mother pacing in a rather nervous manner.

"What if he doesn't like us?" she lamented, her newly manicured nails shining in the lamplight. "What if he thinks I'm trying to replace his mother?"

"Relax," he took her arm to make her stop moving. "You're getting upset over nothing. Uther said his wife abandoned the family when his son was only five. He probably doesn't remember anything about her."

"Well that doesn't mean he won't resent us," she argued, biting her lip nervously. "If he hates us, I don't know how we'll all survive under one roof."

"We'll manage," he shook his head, almost tempted to smile. The door knocked suddenly and he went forward to open it, revealing a pleasant looking Uther. He smiled at his soon-to-be step-father. "Come on in," he greeted, opening it wider. "We made Sheppard's pie. Hope you like it."

"It sounds wonderful," Uther said politely before greeting his mother with a kiss. He then turned to the door frame. "Come on in, Arthur."

Merlin could only stand there, completely transfixed as a boy entered the room with a cool expression. He was only a couple inches taller than him, with an athletic body and a skin tone that obviously the sun loved. His hair was golden, looking like soft and silky under the lamplight. He wanted to run his fingers through it, but that would probably not be a good idea. But that jaw though, it was exactly like his father's. Besides that, he didn't really look a whole lot like his father. His eyes were different than the cold green of his father, but rather that a piercing sky blue.

"Hello," his mother greeted kindly. "My name is Hunith Emrys."

"My name is Arthur," he stepped forward, kissing her on both cheeks. "It is wonderful to finally meet you."

Uther stood tall and proud, obviously pleased at his son's manners. "Do you need help in the kitchen, Hunith?" he asked as they walked away. "I brought some wine."

Their conversation trailed off into the kitchen, leaving only Merlin and Arthur in the living room. Arthur stared at the wall, pulling out his touch screen phone and smirking at something someone sent him. Merlin cleared his throat awkwardly, placing his hands together while trying to get the other boy's attention. "So," he started. "My name is Merlin."

"Hm," was all Arthur said, not looking up from the screen. "Arthur."

"Yes, well, I know that," he saw Arthur roll his eyes, which only caused annoyance rise up in him. "So, our parents are getting married."

"Genius observation. Anything else you'd like to point out?"

"Besides the fact you're acting a like a prat?" he offered, which finally caused Arthur to put down the phone and glare at him. "You know, it's rude to use your phone when someone is talking to you."

"What are you, my etiquette book?" Arthur sneered. "I don't know who you think you are, but I'm not taking any advice from you."

"I'm just saying you're being rude. Why don't you stop acting like a prat and grow up?"

"I will have you know that I could take you apart in just one blow."

"Oh, I could take you apart in less than that?"

"Really?" Arthur made a fist, cracking his knuckles threateningly. The muscles in his arms rippled and Merlin now felt very stupid for egging him on. "Why don't we put that to the test? Since you seem so sure of yourself?"

"Merlin, Arthur! Dinner his ready" his mother's head popped out from the kitchen arch way, eyes taking the two of them in. "Is everything alright?"

"Fantastic," Arthur pulled him closer, placing one arm over his shoulder. "We're just getting to know each other, that's all."

His mother smiled, disappearing from sight as Arthur shoved him away. He walked arrogantly into the kitchen, leaving a fuming Merlin glaring after him. "Arrogant prat," he grumbled, following him sullenly. "Stupid arsehole."

Dinner was pleasant for the most part, Arthur acting like a perfect gentleman. He had no problem talking about himself, that was for sure. "I play for my school's rugby team," he boasted. "In fact, I'm the captain."

"Well that's wonderful," his mother said genuinely. "Where do you go to school?"

"Camelot high," he answered. "It's a private school that only a selected few can get in."

She glanced over at him, nudging him under the table. "We'll have to get you enrolled in a school soon," she reminded. "Don't let me forget."

"I won't."

"How about Camelot high?" Uther asked, looking up from his meal. "It wouldn't be a bad idea for him to go to the same school as Arthur since he will be part of the family. And the school is very prestigious; it could open a lot of doors for his future."

"Really?" he and Arthur asked at the same time. He winced inwardly when Arthur kicked him under the table.

"I think you're right," his mother smiled. "And with your grades, how could they say no?"

"How good are they?" Arthur asked, with just the tiniest undertone of sounding snotty.

"I get high marks in all my grades. If we were in America, I would have a 4.0," he noticed Arthur give a tiny scowl, though it went unnoticed by the adults. "I think the school sounds great."

"I'll make arrangements then," Uther said, taking a slow sip of his wine. "And perhaps you could help Arthur study. While his grades are exceptional, there are certain areas that could use help."

"I'd be happy to help," he grinned, feeling Arthur's eyes burn holes through his body. "If he wants me to, of course."

All eyes were on Arthur now, who only gave an apple pie smile. "I'd be happy to have help," he nodded. "Thank you for the offer."

Before Merlin could even blink, the blonde kicked him again. There would be two bruises forming on his shin tonight. His mother sighed happily. "This is nice," she started. "I'm glad you two are getting along well. I was afraid that you wouldn't like me, Arthur."

Arthur scoffed. "Why wouldn't I? You're a very nice woman," he then turned to Merlin. "So, do you have a girlfriend?"

The table went silent, his mother casting him a nervous look. Merlin only shook his head. "No," he answered. "I'm not into girls."

"Oh," Arthur replied, now looking back down at his food. "Okay then."

"Problem?"

"No, no," Arthur shook his head. "One of my best friends is gay. Shocked everyone, actually."

"I still think he's a bad influence," Uther chipped in. "He likes to party too much."

"Well, that is true."

Uther smiled, clearing his throat. "Dinner was wonderful, Hunith," he held her hand over the able. "And I'm sorry Morgana could not join us tonight."

"Who's Morgana?" Merlin asked, surprised that he'd never heard that name before.

"My daughter, and Arthur's half-sister," Uther's hand tightened on his mother's. "I have made many mistakes in my life. Meeting Morgana's mother was one of them, but I've grown past that. Ygraine told me that the doctors told her that she was unable to have children and I reacted badly. I can't change the past, but I'm grateful for you, Hunith. I'm so thankful you're willing to be my wife despite the mistakes I have made."

"We all make mistakes," she replied warmly. "We're human.

"Since Arthur is going to be staying with us," Merlin began, attempting to change the subject. "Where is he going to sleep?"

"I thought your room would work fine," she said, looking at him expectantly. "Or he could use my room and I would sleep on the couch in the living room."

"Absolutely not," Arthur objected. "Your bedroom is yours. I would feel honored to share Merlin's room. We are going to be brothers after, all."

In the end, Merlin found himself on the floor curled in a sleeping back while Arthur snoozed away on his bed. "Clot pole," he grumbled. "Stupid arrogant prat."

"I heard that, Merlin."

* * *

**(August 3, 3:30 p.m.)**

Finally, it had arrived. As he walked his mother down the aisle, he could feel everyone's eyes on him. It was a small gathering, really. The remainder of his family and their friends and a whole bunch of Uther's family and friends, along with business associates and other important figures. His mother looked beautiful in her white dress, the veil reaching to her mid back the dress fanning out beneath her. He let Uther take her hand, heading back down to sit next to Arthur, who scooted a little farther away from him.

The pastor began to speak, happy and powerful words sounding in his voice as he began to wed them. Merlin couldn't have felt happier for his mother. He had never seen her look this happy and noticed tears of joy threatening to fall from her face. If Arthur felt happy for his father, he didn't show it too much, but a small smile was placed on his face.

Morgana wasn't there; Uther said something about him and his daughter having a rocky relationship and didn't want her to make a scene. His mother was understanding, saying that girls could be like that sometimes, but Merlin was curious about meeting her. From what the Arthur had slipped out, she could be quite witty and sarcastic, something he appreciated.

"Do you, Uther Pendragon, take Hunith Emrys to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health till death do you part?"

"I do," Uther replied, not once looking away from Hunith.

"And do you, Hunith Emrys, take Uther Pendragon to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold; in sickness and in health till death do you part?"

"I do," his mother said, smiling. "I do."

"Then by the powers vested in me and by the grace of almighty God, I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

They kissed, everyone standing up to clap and cheer. The pastor smiled happily, raising his hands in the air as the separated. "I pronounce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Pendragon."

They followed the bride and groom outside to the main hall, gathering around to congratulate the newly wedded couple. Merlin found his mother, hugging her tightly and kissing her cheek. "You look beautiful, Mum," he hugged her again. "Congratulations."

He could see Arthur out of the corner of his eye, giving his father a firm hug. His mother placed a hand on his cheek. "Can you believe it?" she asked. "It's like I'm living in a fairytale."

"Well you better wake up because your husband is coming to get you."

Uther strode over, Arthur not far behind him and kissed his new wife. He then gave Merlin a pat on the shoulder, heading towards him. "Merlin, could you come with me for a few minutes. I have a surprise for your mother," he winked at her and she laughed. "Arthur, could you look after your step-mother?"

"Of course," Arthur said, taking her arm into his. "Hunith, would you like to meet some of my father's friends?"

"Oh, that sounds wonderful!"

He followed Uther up the stairs of the church, the voices of the people getting quieter and quieter until they disappeared. When they reached the top floor, Uther opened the door and allowed Merlin to step in first, remembering that this was the room they'd changed into their formal wear. He turned to Uther; about to ask what the surprise was when Uther locked the door.

"What are you doing?" he asked, puzzled. "There's no one up here but us."

"Exactly," Uther replied darkly. "And that's the way it should be."

He threw himself on Merlin, making him topple against the wall in surprise. The older man used his shock to his advantage, sliding his knees in between his thighs and slipping a hand underneath his trousers. Merlin squirmed, trying to push the man off him. "What are you doing?" he cried, feeling the hardness on his own flaccid cock. "Get off of me! Mum!"

"She can't hear you," Uther placed a hand over his mouth firmly, bringing his lips close to his ear. "You're all mine now."

He licked his ear, sending unpleasant shivers down Merlin's spine. He continued to struggle, feeling Uther remove his belt and slide his trousers off his legs. The cold air hit him like a slap to the face and when the man pulled his underwear down, he tried to cover himself. "Please, stop!" he pleaded. "You love my Mum! Don't do this to her! She would never forgive you!"

"You mean she would never forgive you."

"What?"

"If you were to bring her up here, I would make it look like you were the one who attacked me," he smirked cruelly down at him. "If you just let me lay with you this one time, then I won't ever bother you again."

"Like hell I will, let me go!" he felt his wrists being tied together with something; his own belt from what it looked like. "I won't let her put up with this!"

"And if you tell her, I will divorce her."

He stopped struggling, eyes going wide. "What? Why would you do that?"

Uther only leaned down, his lips only a few inches away from his own. "If you go off and tell what I did to you, I will make her life miserable. I would make it look she was a gold digging whore who was only interested in my money. I am a powerful man, Merlin. I could make everyone believe it and then her sweet reputation would be ruined. No one would want anything to do with her, no one would hire her for fear I would destroy their company. You two would be dirt poor and on the street with nowhere to go. And all because you had to be selfish and not do what I wanted."

He swallowed, imagining him and his mother on the street, poor and hungry. "But I don't want this," he winced, feeling Uther grind against him, arousal now rising. "I don't want you!"

"But I do," the older man nuzzled his cheek, his hands running down his sides. "From the moment I saw you, I wanted you. I love your mother too and I just couldn't decide who I wanted. So, I decided why not both of them? I can have you and Hunith all to myself."

He turned his head from the man, feeling his cold hands rise up his shirt to tweak his nipples. "You're sick," he ground out. "Completely sick."

"But I love you," he groaned, continuing to touch him. "So what about it? Will you let me ruin your mother's good name or let me have my way with you?"

He closed his eyes, trying to ignore how he was touching him. "Fine," he said, feeling completely sick. "But I'm only doing this to protect my mother; not because I want to."

"Good choice, lad," Uther kissed him, his lips heavy and cold against his own, grabbing his legs and wrapping them against his hips. "One day, you will learn to love me."

He didn't reply, he just closed his eyes as the older man removed the rest of his clothes and then his own. He almost screamed when he entered him, his now step-father placing a hand over his mouth and rocked against him, using the other to pump his arousal. It hurt, by God did it hurt. He closed his eyes, hot tears streaming down his face. Uther gasped and groaned in pleasure, releasing finally after two minutes. He then removed himself, using a hand to wipe the sweat from his brow. He sat next to Merlin, taking deep breaths as he cooled off.

"Thank you, Merlin," he placed a hand on his thigh, stroking it. "That was wonderful."

Merlin didn't reply, he just got up from the floor painfully and put his clothes back on. He was hot, but if anyone asked downstairs, he could say the air conditioner wasn't turned on. The whole room smelt of sex and sweat and Uther grabbed a can of air freshener to mask the scent. He then pulled out a new pair of clothes, looking just as formal as his wedding tux. He dashed more cologne and deodorant on himself, handing some to Merlin. "That was fun, wouldn't you agree?"

Merlin didn't' answer him, he just turned his head. Uther growled, apparently not liking that. "When I ask you a question, I expect an answer," he grabbed his chin forcefully, cold green eyes glaring down at him. "Now, was that fun?"

"Yes," he whimpered, trying to move his chin away. "Stop! You're hurting me!"

Uther let go; now smiling like a mad man. "Now, when we settle down back at my home, I will be expecting more from you. If you want to make sure your mother is happy, then you better not do anything rash," he grabbed a large bouquet of roses, large enough for two people to carry. "Now, let's go."

With a heavy heart, he followed the man downstairs. He didn't know it just yet, but he had already entered hell.

* * *

_Now he's afraid of me,_

_He's afraid of me,_

_It took me by surprise; the hatred in his eyes,_

_~Maria Mena- It took me by surprise~_

**So this is the first chapter. Rather long, but I like long chapters. The song at the top in italics and the one at the bottom will always be the same song. This one was by Maria Mena, who's songs are awesome! Please read, review and follow! No flames please, but everything else is acceptable. Tell me what you liked, didn't like, etc... and have a wonderful day!**


	2. Behind blue eyes

_**Author's note: **Yeesh this chapter is long. Sorry, I like typing out long chapters and I can type super fast. Anyway, so I used a lot of characters from the show to be students and teachers in the school. I used the last names of their actors to give them last names, so you can look up the characters on your own; I'm too lazy to list them. Great thanks to the reviews and follows! I hope you enjoy this chapter (well, besides Uther), and please review! I love reviews._

_**Warnings:** Rape_

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything besides minor OCs that will occasionally pop up._

_No one knows what it's like,_

_To feel these feelings,_

_Like I do, and I blame you,_

_No one bites back as hard,_

_On their anger,_

_None of my pain and woe,_

_Can show through_

* * *

**_(Merlin's p.o.v)_**

All through the reception, he was in pain. When his mother asked why he was walking so funny, he'd told her it was because he'd fallen down the stairs carrying her roses and hit his tailbone. She believed it, asking if he wanted to go home and ice it, but he said no. He stayed close to her during the reception, avoiding Uther as much as he could. The older man looked pleased with himself, holding his mother's hand and whispering nonsense into her ear.

If Arthur was having fun, he didn't show it. He just looked polite; looking at his phone the whole time. By midnight, most of the guests had left and the cleanup crew had arrived. The cake was packaged and they were making it back to the flat. He winced, sitting on his sleeping bag. His room had been boxed up, the furniture staying put for the next people to buy it.

He lay on his bag, a multitude of thoughts running through his mind. The boxes would be packed and they would be on Uther's private jet by noon that day. Uther. He didn't want to think about the man, but the image of him pounding into him against the wall plagued his mind. He wanted to be sick and for a minute, he thought about running into the bathroom and throwing up. But if he did, then his mother new step-family would wake up and ask what was wrong. If Uther was the sole one who found him, would he do something to him?

With those thoughts, he fell into a dreamless sleep. He immediately woke up, however, when he felt something cold and wet being poured on him. He jumped, his backside groaning in protest as he went into a sitting position. Arthur stood above him, holding a glass of water. "Good morning," he smirked. "We're leaving in about an hour. Your mother said it was time to put your boxes in the van."

Arthur had at least four boxes in his arms, his muscles prominent in his simple red t-shirt. Merlin nodded, looking at the now almost empty room. A feeling of sadness pierced through him at the thought of leaving the only home he'd ever known. And the despair of living in a house with his rapist made him cringe, but there was no going back now. His mother's happiness depended on it. What if he said something and she ended up hating him? It would be his fault if they ended up on the street.

"Hurry up," Arthur poked his head back in. "You move slower than a mule. Honestly, are you sure you aren't secretly a turtle?"

He rolled his eyes at the blond, picking up three boxes. "I'm surprised you know what a mule is," he commented. "Considering you kind of look like one."

Arthur only shoved past him, making him drop one box in the process. He grumbled something towards his new step-brother, but apparently he didn't hear it. He continued on his way after that, returning into the flat several more times to put more boxes in. By the time it was 9:45; they were all buckled in and ready to go. The car ride was uneventful; everyone besides Uther fast asleep.

London was bigger than he ever could have imagined. By the time the plane had reached the airport, he could see why it was so popular. As the limousine drove through the city, he could see the historical monuments, parks, huge buildings and flats. He couldn't help the large grin that spread out across his face. His mother looked very pleased at this. "Merlin's never really gone outside of Ireland before," she started towards her husband. "Balinor and I went to London for a trip once, many, many years ago."

Uther smiled pleasantly. "Well then it will be good for you to see the familiar sights," he took her hand, massaging her very prominent knuckles. "And I can't wait for you to see the house."

"Is it big?"

"…You could say that."

The Pendragon house was huge. As Merlin exited the limo, he observed the house in awe. It was a light beige color, with a dark brown roof to match. It resembled a Tudor styled house, but with much more splendor and grace. A large fountain sat up front, with marble carved figures. "I got it from Greece right before Arthur was born," Uther explained, taking his mother's arm and leading her up the steps. "And I have white roses planted around the house every spring."

"They're lovely," his mother gasped. "Roses are my favorite flower."

He opened the solid oak doors, servants immediately rushing to greet them. They removed their jackets and handbags, moving them somewhere else. The hallway was dark red, the lamplight on the walls giving it a very homey atmosphere. The sunroom, where Uther led them, was painted a light green with white wood flooring to match. Plants were everywhere and a large screen window that let them see the river was where the table was. His mother gasped, eyes shining at the sight of it. "It's beautiful," she wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry; I've never seen anything like this."

Uther pulled out a chair, helping her sit in it. "Only the finest for my lady," he winked, Arthur visibly rolling his eyes at his father's flirting. Once the four of them were set around the table, Uther pulled out his IPad, an image on the screen soon popping up. "This is where Arthur goes to school, Merlin. School will begin in exactly two weeks."

"That's not bad," his mother said, examining the tea set in front of them. "The school looks like a castle!"

"It was at one point," Arthur corrected, giving her an award winning smile. "It was used by Elizabeth the first and after she died, no one ever really used it. Our Queen now decided to turn it into a private school for the gifted and wealthy."

"Well, Merlin certainly is intelligent," she teased, noticing his blush. "And his guitar skills are amazing."

Arthur turned to face him, eyebrow cocked. "You play guitar?"

"Yes," he answered. "What do you think I was carrying it around for? Decoration?"

Arthur gave a scowl, causing the adults to laugh. Uther simply turned his gaze towards him. "You'll have to play for us sometime," he began. "You could be the next Paul Macartny."

He inwardly shuddered at Uther's gaze, his eyes lowering to grab his teacup. "Sure," he answered. "When I have a new song down, I'll play."

"Excellent," his mother smiled, completely oblivious to his awkwardness. Before she could say anything else, Uther's phone went off, the sound echoing through the room. Uther smiled apologetically.

"Excuse me," he said, getting up to answer the phone and disappeared through the archway. Arthur rolled his eyes. "It's probably work or Morgana," he started, adding some milk into his tea. "Both tend to call whenever he is doing something."

"Tell us more about you, Arthur," his mother insisted, adding more tea to her cup. "What else besides rugby do you like to do? What's your favorite subject in school? Do you have a special someone?"

Arthur glanced at his phone before his eyes returned to hers. "I take fencing classes at school; that serves as my gym class. I don't like English class very much. I suck at creative writing and my poetry is atrocious at best. I like math the most."

"Math?" his mother blinked. "Why math? Most people I've spoken to hate it."

"Numbers never lie," Arthur continued. "There is a certain answer and can be no other. It's not as complicated as people think."

The two of them shared a knowing smile. Obviously finding a source of common ground. She nodded her head. "I agree. When I was younger, people thought I was crazy for liking math so much. It's good to know that there are people still who like it."

"And to your last question, I do have a girlfriend," he brought out his phone, pulling up a picture to show her. "Her name is Guinevere, but everyone calls her Gwen."

From peering over his mother's arm, he took a good look at the girl. He was taken aback by her beauty, her image completely different from his own interpretation. Her hair, dark brown and curly, was loose around her shoulders. Her coffee color skin shone in the light, casting an earth real appearance. The thing that stood out the most was her dark brown eyes. Kind and warm. He had a feeling that he was going to like this girl the next time Arthur brought her over.

"She's pretty," his mother gushed. "You must bring her over sometime."

"She's in Paris right now," Arthur replied, putting his phone away. "Her mother runs a fashion line. Have you ever heard of Leodegrance fashion line?"

"Yes! I love her work!" the smile on her face widened as she looked at the shirt she was wearing. "I have so many of her shirts. I never would have imagined you were dating her daughter. Do you know the rest of her family?"

"Her older brother, Elyan, is one of my best friends. We've known each other since middle school and that's where I met Gwen," he boasted, sounding prideful of his friend and girlfriend. "Their father runs a hardware store. A lot of people think it's odd that her mother married someone so common, but love is love. They look really happy together."

Uther walked right back in then, looking less than pleased as he sat back down. "I have news," he announced, glaring at his teacup. "Morgana is coming over for dinner in a few weeks."

His mother glanced at him and Arthur before returning to Uther. "Is that a bad thing?" she asked softly.

Uther just sighed. "As you know, Morgana and I don't see eye to eye. She's skeptical about you," he rolled his eyes. "I think she's being childish and dramatic."

"I see," his mother buttered a scone, narrowing her eyes before sighing. "But it's to be expected. We don't know each other, so it's natural she'd be wary. Is she upset she didn't get to go to the wedding?"

"Yes," Uther nodded his head. "She really wanted to see you and Merlin."

"Well that's nice of her," Merlin spoke up, not really knowing what to think of his new step-sister. "Is she nice?"

Arthur snorted, earning a dangerous look from his father. Uther then turned back to his mother and him, eyes still glancing at his son. Arthur only stared at his tea, speaking before his father could. "She's nice if you don't get on her bad side. Other than that, she knows ways that can make your life miserable. She's very good at blackmail."

If Uther didn't agree with anything, he didn't say so. He only sipped his tea, looking out the window distantly. His mother only smiled, clearing her throat. "Arthur, if you're done, why don't you show Merlin to his new room? I'm sure he wants a chance to settle in before looking around."

"Good idea," Uther agreed, finally smiling. "Arthur, be a good lad and go do what your mother told you to do."

Arthur got up, motioning for Merlin to follow. He followed Arthur through the bright colored hallway and up the double wide stair case that divided into two separate stairways on the right and left. Arthur indicated towards the right stair case, having him follow him past four doors before stopping at one on the left wall. "This is your room," Arthur said, pointing towards the door as if he didn't understand English. "My room is down the other hallway on the left staircase. If you need anything, hopefully you won't, come knock on my door."

He then took off to leave, but Merlin grabbed his arm. The blonde yanked it away, as if contact would burn him. "What's your problem?" he asked, glaring at his step-brother. "I've done nothing to you and you've been anything but nice towards me."

"Just because we're family now, doesn't mean I have to like you," Arthur crossed his arms. "And frankly, I don't really like you. Now, I'll put up with you but don't expect us to be friends because we're not going to. Don't come up to me in school unless it is an emergency and don't try to hang around my friends."

He then proceeded to walk away, leaving a gaping Merlin standing near his room. "Why don't you like me?" Merlin called out. "Why?"

All Arthur did was look over his shoulder, pausing half way. "Because I think you're annoying."

That was the last thing he said to his step-brother for the next two weeks. Arthur left the house most of the time, spending time with his friends or going to rugby practice. This left Merlin by himself, which was both a blessing and a curse. He didn't mind being alone, but the fear of Uther coming into his room reminded him of his mother's wedding night. For the next few nights, he'd wake up with nightmares that would either leave him shaking in cold sweat or sobbing silently into his pillow. Uther hadn't confronted him since then because he was too busy touring London with his mother as a small sort of honey moon. So there was peace, a fragile unsettling peace, but peace none the less.

"And this is your school uniform. Merlin, it's dark blue! You love dark blue!"

The day before school started was rainy, with thunder clapping loudly and the wind blowing harshly. His uniform had come in, giving him several dark blue jumpers, jackets, white dress shirts and black pants. The rule said that shoes didn't matter as long as they didn't stand out from the uniform. He held up a jumper, holding it like a dress. "Does it make me look fat?" he asked mockingly.

"Of course not," she laughed. "It looks very…private schoolish."

"Schoolish? I'm not sure that's a word, Mum."

"Probably not, but who cares," she laid a white dress shirt, jumper, and a pair of pants and black socks out on his dresser. "Good. You're all ready for school tomorrow."

"Yup."

She paused, her hand lying on the dark blue jumper casually. "Merlin, let me ask you something," she started. "Is everything alright?"

Alarm ran through him, a part of him wondering if she had found out about what happened after her wedding ceremony. "No," he lied, making sure he didn't answer too fast. "I'm just nervous about school. You know, new people and all."

She sat down on the bed next to him, taking his hand into hers. "I know you're not used to everything here and I haven't been around too much. For that, I am sorry. I was being selfish," he laid his head on her shoulder, something he'd do as a child. "But I want you to know that you can tell me anything. I am here for you. If someone is picking on you in school, let me know so I can march over there and beat them up."

He smiled, knowing full well that she could beat someone up despite her small frame. "I'll tell you," he promised, though his heart stung at the lie. "I promise."

"Good," she stood up, looking out towards the pouring rain. "I hope the rain stops in time for school tomorrow. You do know that Alator is driving you and Arthur to school tomorrow, right?"

"I know," he answered, heart sinking at the fact he'd have to be near the damn prat. "When does school start again?"

"At eight thirty. This means he'll come and pick you up at seven forty-five."

"Okay. Good night, Mum."

She leaned down to kiss his cheek. "Good night, Merlin. I love you."

"Love you too."

She then left, closing the door behind her. He then stood up, heading towards the window and looked out. Even through the rain, he could still see the city and all its glory. He smiled, letting a small surge of peace run through him. If he could just not think about Uther, than things would be alright.

_Click_

He jumped, his stomach sinking at the sound of the door opening. He knew who it was and he turned around slowly to greet the man. Uther closed the door behind him, locking it with a smile. "Merlin," he began walking towards him slowly. "How have you been? I haven't been able to see you for a while."

He didn't say anything; he just turned his head to stare deeply at the wall. Uther obviously didn't like that, for he grabbed him tightly by the chin and forced him to look him in the eye. "I asked you a question, _boy_," he sneered, thumbing his lower lip gently. "It would be wise of you to answer."

"Fine," he spat, yanking his head away. "I've been fine."

"Better," Uther released him and Merlin took a step back, knowing full well he was trapped. Uther just wrapped an arm around his waist, caressing his cheek with a gloved hand. "I haven't been able to keep my mind off you since our last encounter. Your face during our act of love has been plaguing me. I need to see it again."

"Act of love?" he asked in disbelief, hands now clenched by his side. "I. don't. love. You! After what you made me do, how can?"

"Shh," Uther placed a hand over his mouth. "Don't say that. You don't really know anything about love just yet, but you will learn to love me."

"Mmph!"

"In time, you'll learn to love me," he led him over to his bed, laying him down on it before crawling on top of him. "Soon you'll learn to want my touches, my kisses. I imagine in a few months you'll be begging for my cock like a little slut."

He grimaced at his crude language, but even more so as he slipped his hands down his pajama bottoms to run his hand up and down his shaft. Uther groaned at the feeling, lowering down his pants to gain further access. Merlin just shivered, trying to push him away. "No," he said firmly. "Stop. I don't want this, so please stop."

"Merlin, Merlin, Merlin," Uther tutted, flicking him on the nose. "Do I need to remind you of what will happen if you refuse me?"

The image of their last conversation popped up and he bit his cheek, shivering once as his step-father brought his face closer, nuzzling hi cheek with his nose. "I would make your lives miserable and it would be your fault. Your mother would come to hate you."

His eyes went wide, his words completely catching him off guard. Uther took this to his advantage, pressing their lips together and biting down harshly on his lower lip. Merlin gasped in shock and pain, wincing as the older man tongue slid into his mouth like a cold, wet eel. His now bare hands slid towards his nipples, tweaking them until they were as painfully hard as his penis.

"Look at you," Uther commented, pulling away momentarily. "You claim you don't want this, yet you're already hard because of my touches. What a hypocrite."

"I'm not a hypocrite!" he protested, but a voice in his head nagged at him. Was Uther right? Was he a hypocrite?

Uther just removed his clothes, forcing Merlin onto his stomach. "Get on your hands and knees," he said, Merlin unhappily doing so. He pulled out a bottle, applying the lubricant on his own hardened member and crawled forward. "This time I came prepared," he began as he put two fingers in his entrance. "And we're not rushed this time."

He closed his eyes, wanting to vomit as the man stretched him to the point he thought he would snap. When removed his fingers, he gave a sigh of relief, only to be startled as Uther pushed his entire length in. He cried, surprised that Uther didn't cover his mouth. "Noise proof walls," Uther said as if he could read minds. "No one can hear you," he pulled his hair, bringing his head towards his so he could kiss him. "No one will ever hear you."

* * *

**(Next morning, August 24, 7:30 a.m.)**

Merlin shifted uncomfortably in his room, his butt hurting from the painful intrusion he received last night. As he observed his face in the mirror, he grimaced at how tired his eyes looked. Dark circles had formed, looking like heavy bags under his cheeks. He couldn't eat breakfast that morning. His margarine and toast felt like cardboard in his mouth and when he went back to his room to get his bag, he threw up. He wanted to stay home and hide in his room, but he had to show that everything was normal.

"Merlin!" he heard his mother call. "Are you ready yet? Alator will be here any minute!"

"Coming!" he called, grabbing his bag and hurrying down the stairs. She stood at the bottom next to Arthur, who was looking at his phone. He snorted, finding nothing unusual about that. She smiled at him, giving him a hug and handing his lunch.

"Have a good day," she said, releasing him as their ride pulled up. "And try to make some friends, alright?"

"Alright. See you later, Mum."

He followed Arthur outside, the breeze ruffling his dark hair. Arthur got in before him, putting his earbuds in and tuning him out. Merlin just sighed, leaning his head against the cool window and closed his eyes for a few seconds…

"Merlin. Idiot, wake up!"

He jumped, realizing that Arthur was standing right in front of him with a condescending smirk on his face. "Not sleep at all? What did you do, stay up all night fantasizing about a boy?"

He shoved the blonde away, stepping out of the car while Arthur snickered behind him. "Take a joke, Merlin. Don't be so uptight."

"Arthur!"

A girl with dark hair ran towards Arthur, throwing her arms around him and hugging him tightly. Merlin only looked at them awkwardly, knowing that he should leave the scene. He hurried away, heading into the main office to grab his schedule. A woman at the front desk gave it to him, not looking up from her computer. He looked down at it, smiling when he realized his first class of the day was English.

The classroom wasn't too far away from the office and not many people had entered in yet. The professor looked up from her laptop, her old eyes shining down kindly on him. "Welcome to English 3A," she stood up. "And you are?"

"Merlin," he greeted. "Merlin…Pendragon."

"Ah, Uther's new son. Well then, take a seat over there next to Ms. King," she indicated to the middle of the second row, where a blonde girl wearing a blue jumper and black skirt was sitting. The Professor smiled, before clapping a hand over her face. "Oh, how silly of me. I'm Professor Finna. Your Chauffer, Alator, is my husband."

"Really?" he asked, recounting the quiet but gentle man. "He was very nice when I arrived this morning."

"Thank you," she smiled again before another student walked in the classroom. Merlin took this as his cue to move, walking over quietly to where the blonde girl was sitting. She was texting on her phone and as he extended his arm out to greet her, she grabbed it."

"If you're thinking about hitting on me, I will cut your balls off and feed them to pigs," she warned, hazel green eyes not displaying emotion. "If you value your manhood, I would recommend leaving me alone."

"Don't worry," he pulled his arm away, not appreciating the gesture. "I'm gay. And even if I wasn't, you're not my type."

She looked up from her phone, turning to him with a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I shouldn't have been so rude. I'm afraid I was hit on constantly last year. I have a girlfriend, so I'm not going to freak out on you. What's your name?"

"Merlin. Merlin Pendragon."

"I'm Elena King. Where are you from? Haven't seen you around before."

"I'm from Ealdor, a small town in Ireland," he began, relaxing a little. "We just moved here a couple weeks ago."

"Well, welcome to Camelot high. The most pretentious and snobby school next to Harvard. You can find all sorts of stereotypes here: The couple of the year, Arthur Pendragon and his girlfriend, Guinevere Leodegrance. The most popular girls in school, Morgana Le Fey and Vivian Moffett. The dream team consisting of: Lancelot Du Lac, Gwaine Macken, Elyan Leodegrance, Leon Young, and Percival Hopper. Our junior body president, Mithian Montgomery. And me, Elena King, the girly tomboy lesbian of Camelot High."

He grinned, giving a short chuckle at her abrasiveness, finding it very hard not to like her. "So I take it you don't like it here?"

She looked at him like he had another head. "Are you kidding me? I hate it here. This uniform is so restricting and stereotypical that I want to throw up. They won't even let me wear my sneakers I got from America! The only reason I go here is because my Dad thinks I need restriction. The damn asshole."

"Sounds rough."

"You have no idea," she slumped forward. "And he doesn't approve of my preferences either. He's constantly trying to hook me up with guys. It's rather pathetic, actually. So, what's your dad like?"

He paused, thinking of his real father a moment. "My biological father is dead," he began, seeing as her eyes dropped towards her desk. "And I don't know what to think of my step-father." This was obviously a lie, but she didn't need to know that.

"Sorry," she murmured. "I didn't mean to pry. My mom died when I was a baby, so I understand."

"You didn't know," he replied. "I've just been so lonely here I forget sometimes. I don't have any friends so far."

"Well we'll have to change that," she grabbed a piece of paper, writing something down. "Here's my number. I expect you to text me when you get home."

"Thanks!"

"Oh, and you have to meet my girlfriend at lunch. You will sit with us, won't you?"

He laughed at the intense way she was staring at him, nodding his head. "I will," he inwardly gave himself on his pat on his back for meeting someone new and having someone to sit with at lunch. "So who is your girlfriend? Someone who is on the girl's football team?"

She laughed, smacking his arm lightly. "I like you," she smirked. "But you'll have to wait and see. I do plan on the football team, though. And I skateboard."

"You skateboard?" he asked in disbelief, looking at her manicured nails. "But you're nails are so…"

"Girly?" she finished, glaring at them with such contempt he dared not laugh. "I know. But Dad made me get them. But yeah, I skateboard. And I'm damn good at it too."

"I play guitar," he said, trying to change the subject. "Do you play an instrument?"

She frowned, glaring at him. "If you laugh, I will kick your ass."

"Why would I laugh?"

She sighed, huffing and moving a stand of her wry blonde hair. "I play an oboe," she muttered. "A freaking oboe."

"What's so bad about an oboe?" he asked, not seeing what was wrong with that. "It's important."

"My girlfriend forced me to do it when we were younger," she rolled her eyes. "I wanted to play the viola with her, but they decided I should go to oboe. Assholes."

"But you're in orchestra together," he smiled; glad they allowed guitars to play in theirs. "And I'm glad they were wanting a guitar player."

"Yeah, a lot of people here are in the orchestra," the door flew opened and she groaned. "Well, if it isn't the princess herself."

A girl of average height walked in, her high black pumps clacking against the hardwood floor loudly. Her blonde hair was curled, the bangs braided and wrapped together behind her head and tied together with a white bow. Her brown eyes looked cool and she smiled at Professor Finna, though he could tell she was fake. Her eyes met with his and he instantly felt drawn to her, though he couldn't place why. She glared at him, as if he committed a crime by just looking at him.

"Ooh, you pissed her off," Elena snickered. "You pissed the princess off."

"Who is she?" he asked, looking over his shoulder to get another look at her. She had her mirror out, applying more pink lip gloss to her lips.

"That's Vivian Moffett, the second most popular girl in school. Her gang includes Sophia Grainger, Kara Dowling, and Drea Moore. All four of them aren't very bright, but they're dubbed the hottest girls in school, which isn't exactly a lie."

"Elena!"

She snickered. "Relax Merlin; I was kidding," her eyes then turned serious. "But seriously, keep away from her. Vivian may look like a dumb blonde, but don't let that fool you. She's as bad as Morgana when it comes to making your life miserable."

"You speak as if you know," he commented. "I think Arthur is intent on making my life miserable too."

"Not surprising," Elena nodded her head. "He's a jerk. I don't know what Gwen sees in him. She's so nice and sweet. Why would she want to go out with him?"

The bell then rang, students rushing to their seats. Professor Finna then took to the front of the classroom. "Good morning students," she said. "Many of you know me as Professor Finna, and I will be teaching you 3A English. I look forward to meeting you all and learning about you, so to start the year off, I will be assigning you a project."

The whole class groaned at the idea of homework, which only caused her to laugh. "Relax," she smirked. "It's not due till the end of the year."

"What it is it?" a boy in the front asked, his ginger hair ruffled and curly. "Is it big?"

"Sort of, Leon," she continued. "You will be working with someone in this class and create a project about them. I will be assigning your partners in a few minutes and after that, I'll let you all get to know each other."

She stepped forward towards Merlin's desk. "Merlin, you will be partnered with Vivian. Leon, you will be partnered with Sophia, Elena; you'll be with Gwaine…"

Elena snickered, scooting her chair closer to him to whisper in his ear. "You're so dead," she whispered. "Good luck handling her."

All Merlin could do was stare at the ceiling, wondering who exactly had it out for him. "Why me?"

As he followed Elena towards the lunch room, he couldn't help but complain on the way. "Why do I have to be with her?" he groaned, sitting down across from her. "She's a total bitch! She told me to go away just so she could fix her mascara!"

Elena just pulled out her sandwich, taking a large bite. "See what I mean?" she asked, glancing towards the other side of the lunchroom. "And she gets worse, trust me."

The table two spaces away laughed loudly, and when he turned around, he noticed Arthur laughing loudly with his friends and members of the rugby team. An arm around Gwen, he gave her a kiss on the cheek while she blushed. Elena rolled her eyes. "Told you he's a douche. Only some of his friends are nice."

"Like?"

"Lancelot. And sometimes Elyan and Leon. Percival is pretty quiet, but Gwaine," she closed her in eyes, taking a breath of irritation. "He's so annoying."

"And you have to work with him," he smirked. "Looks like we're both stuck with annoying people."

"Who's annoying?"

Elena's face lit up as a short girl with long, wavy dark brown hair pulled up in a ponytail sat down. Her light gray eyes landed on him, taking in his appearance thoughtfully. "You must be Merlin," she started briskly, extending her hand out. "My name is Mithian, Junior class president."

"And my girlfriend."

Mithian rolled her eyes, but gave Elena a kiss. "And Elena's girlfriend. It's nice to meet you. Elena's texted me a lot about you," she took out her salad, covering it with vinegar and olive oil. "Well, from what she knows anyway. Elena, do you know where Freya is?"

Elena shrugged. "I haven't seen her since second hour."

"I'm right here."

A girl with long, flowing dark brown hair sat down next to Merlin, smiling at him shyly. "Who are you?" she asked in a voice so quiet, he thought she was whispering. "I'm Freya."

"Merlin," he smiled reassuringly at her. "It's nice to meet you."

"Hey Freya, Merlin's in orchestra. Just like us," Freya's eyes lit up at Elena's words, looking at him widely. "He plays the guitar."

"That's nice," Freya said shyly. "I play a cello."

"Who plays a guitar?" a boy with sandy brown hair sat down, opening his lunchbox. He opened a soda, which Mithain curled her nose at. The boy only smirked, taking a long swig of it. "Who's the new kid?

"Merlin," Merlin said. "And you are?"

"William," the boy said. "But call me Will; I hate William and don't even think of calling me Bill. So you're Pendragon's new step-brother. Man, I feel sorry for you."

"Will," Mithian reprimanded. "Be nice. Just because Arthur teased you last year doesn't mean he will this year."

"Yeah," Elena nodded her head. "He's probably too busy snogging with Gwen."

"Elena!"

"Oh don't be a prude; it's not like you haven't done it."

The four of them laughed at Mithian's flushed face, the dark haired girl only rolling her eyes. It was obvious she was uptight; very type A, but Merlin found he didn't mind that. She seemed nice enough, from what he noticed.

As it turned out, they were all in orchestra. Mithian and Freya in the string section playing the viola and cello, Elena on her dreaded oboe, Merlin on the guitar, and Will on the percussion crew. And for a few short hours, Merlin didn't even think about Uther.

That was, until he went home that afternoon.

_But my dreams they aren't as empty,_

_As my conscious seems to be,_

_I have hours, only lonely,_

_My love is vengeance,_

_That's never free_

_~Limp Bizkit- Behind blue eyes~_

**Yes, we have a lesbian couple in this story? Why? Because I said so. I like Elena to have a tough tomboy sort of personality and Mithian to be kind of Type A. If there is a problem with that, then share. I know Mithian was interested in Arthur in the show, but we're not in the show, now are we ;) and please review! There are a lot of characters we haven't seen and other subplots that will come to light. But if I don't get reviews, there won't be chapters. Call me greedy, but if I don't get feedback, how can I know what people think?**

**There will be other character point of views, like part of the next one will be Arthur's. Please be safe out there and I wish everyone good health! Luff luff and knuffles everyone!**


	3. Pretty buildings

_**Author's note:** I will probably be updating this story every two days because I have a lot of inspiration and free time. Don't know how long that will last, but with not a whole lot of days left till graduation, who knows what teachers will throw out at the last minute. Anyway, I look forward to your reviews and follows. I would love if some of the followers would leave more reviews, but thanks all the same!_

_**Warnings:** Rape, Arthur kind of being an asshat, and Uther being a sadist_

_**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. Merlin belongs to BBC and any minor OCs I create are for minor purposes only._

_Morning came and I was dead,_

_Before I left for school,_

_We paint the smiles onto our heads,_

_And keep away from the animals,_

_And you know it hurts like hell,_

_So when you reach the top,_

_Just throw yourself off_

_**(Arthur's p.o.v)**_

"So that's your new step-brother?"

Arthur looked up from his sandwich, seeing as how Lancelot was staring at the table two spaces down. He looked in his direction, watching him laugh with four other students. "What about him?" he asked, returning to his sandwich. "He's just an idiot."

"Arthur," Gwen scolded, not at all impressed. "That's mean."

"He's a total idiot! Just yesterday he tripped up the stairs and started grinning like a fool when the maid caught him. He can't do anything without screwing it up," Arthur continued, taking a sip from his water. "It's embarrassing to be near him, let alone see him."

"I have him in biology," Lancelot stated. "He's my lab partner; he seems nice. Kind of lonely, though."

"Then maybe we should befriend him," Gwen smiled gently. "I think he looks sweet."

Arthur just made a face, not liking the sound of that. "We're not befriending him. I don't want him around me every second of the day."

"Well that's too bad," Gwen stood up, picking up her lunch box and stepping over her seat. "I'm going to go sit with them. If you want to come along, then feel free to. If not, I'll see you in math." She kissed his cheek, walking away with a bounce in her step.

"I'm leaving too," Lancelot picked his tray, following the dark haired girl. "See you later."

He rolled his eyes at his best friend and girlfriend, taking another bite from his sandwich. It didn't taste good this time, but that was probably due to his friends bailing on him to get to know his stupid step-brother. It wasn't like Merlin had any charm to him; he was an idiotic fool and his friends shouldn't be interested in him. He wasn't even interested in the things they were!

He didn't hate him, there was no Arthur really hated. He strongly disliked his half-sister, but that was for a completely different reason. As if they could read his mind, Percival and Gwaine glanced at him, the latter forming a mischievous smirk. "Afraid your new step-brother is going to steal your girlfriend?"

"Please," Arthur snorted. "He's about as gay as you two are."

"Really?" Percival looked over his shoulder to study the dark haired boy. "Wow, I never would have thought."

"He's cute," Gwaine added, only to receive a look from his boyfriend. "But not my type, so don't worry Perci."

Percival just leaned over to kiss him and Arthur looked away, hoping that he and Gwen weren't this mushy. A lot of people were still shocked that Gwaine came out of the closet with Percival. All through their school years Gwaine was a lady's man. He just didn't understand how someone who was so into women would at the middle of last year came to school holding another' boy's hand. Not that he was homophobic; he just didn't get it.

"What's wrong, Princess? You look constipated."

Arthur just shot him the nastiest look he could muster. "Nothing," he grumbled. "I just don't want him stealing my friends."

Percival just shrugged. "If they want to be friends with your step-brother, that's their choice. I have him in gym class eighth hour. He doesn't look very athletic."

"Yeah, he's a bean pole," Gwaine chuckled. "But you never know."

"He plays guitar; he's a musician not an athlete," Arthur rolled his eyes. "And if he thinks about joining the rugby team, he better think again."

"I don't think we'll have to worry about that," Percival looked over towards the boy, who was now having an intense conversation with Will Dempsie. "He doesn't look the type who wants to do sports."

"Agreed," Gwaine nodded his head. "He'd be beaten to a pulp."

With that, Arthur smiled; relieved to know that at least some of his friends were on his side. Though looking over at the other table, he couldn't help but feel annoyed and kind of left out. They seemed to be having fun while his table was mostly filled with people he didn't really know or didn't like.

So with a scowl on his face, he finished his lunch and vowed to never become friends with Merlin.

* * *

**(Merlin's p.o.v)**

"Merlin!"

The second he was home, he was instantly greeted by his mother, who threw her arms around him in a huge hug. He hugged her back gently, not helping the goofy smile that formed on his face. "I'm home," he greeted. "How was your day?"

"How was my day? I should be asking you! What was the school like? Did you make any friends? What class is your favorite? Who's your favorite teacher?"

"Slow down!" he laughed, walking with her into the parlor. "Yes, I made some new friends. Six of them, actually."

"Six friends in one day? I think someone's getting popular," she teased. "Who are they?"

They sat down on the white leather sofa, the material squishy yet firm under his sore rear. "Well, the first one I met was Elena King and she later introduced me to her girlfriend, Mithian Montgomery."

"She's a lesbian?" his mother looked surprised. "I'm surprised. I've seen pictures of Mithian from Arthur's yearbooks and she didn't look like she'd be into dating. Well wonders never cease I suppose."

He continued on, smiling at her shock. "And then I met Will Dempsie and Freya Donnelly. I found we're all in orchestra together and we enjoy it very much. Well, besides Elena."

"Why doesn't she like it?"

"She has to play an oboe," he smirked at his mother's confused face. "I know, that's what my reaction was. But she said she wanted to play a viola with her girlfriend."

His mother only shook her head, smiling softly. "Is she any good at the oboe?"

"From what I've heard, she's okay. Not first chair, but her true passion is playing football and skateboarding."

"And Mithian?"

"Well of course she's first chair viola. All the seniors hate her for it, but she can't help the fact she's better than they are," he leaned back on the couch, remembering all the glares the upperclassmen gave to the dark haired girl. "But anyway, Freya plays the cello and Will is in the percussion section. I sit in the string section near the violins."

His mother leaned her head on his shoulder, sighing in relief. "Well I'm glad you've made some friends. Who were the other two you met?"

"Well, halfway through lunch, Arthur's girlfriend Gwen and his friend Lancelot came over to see us."

She looked surprised at that, eyebrows furrowing. "And did Arthur join them?" when he shook his head, her frown deepened. "Well that's odd," she concluded. "I wonder why he didn't go with her. Most young couples are glued to the hip."

"Who knows," Merlin shrugged, though he inwardly knew why. Arthur didn't like him, but that didn't mean he could control his friends and girlfriend. "But they're both nice people. Gwen is really sweet; very kind."

She nodded, listening quietly as he was speaking. "What's your schedule?"

"English, then biology, math, study period, lunch, orchestra, history, physical education, and then another study period," he finished, taking a huge breath. "I have two classes with Arthur and then a lot of them with Elena for some reason. I have Lancelot as a biology partner and Mithian in math."

She stroked his short hair, looking very relieved. "I'm so glad you've made some friends. I have to admit that I was worried that you wouldn't fit in, but I was wrong. Going to that school was a good choice. You'll have to thank Uther for letting you enroll."

At the mention of his step-father's name, his mood soured. Images of last night flashed in his mind and his stomach churned. Yet, he kept the smile plastered to his face. "I'll have to do that," he looked at his bag. "Do you know where he is?"

"At work still, so you'll have to thank him at dinner tonight. Morgana is coming over for dinner at six, so be ready and try to look presentable. I don't want her to think that just because we were middle class doesn't mean we don't know how to look nice."

He nodded, getting up from the couch and hurrying to his room. When he got to his door, he noticed Arthur standing outside, not looking very happy. His arms were crossed over his chest and he stared down on him forebodingly. He swallowed, not knowing what the blonde prat wanted. "Can I help you?" he asked, a little nervous. "Why are you outside my room?"

"I wanted to chat about lunch today."

"Is it that Gwen and Lancelot came over. Look, I didn't invite them over, I swear!"

Arthur didn't listen, he just uncrossed his arms and jabbed a finger onto his chest. "Don't hang out with my friends. We're never going to be chums, so stop trying. It's embarrassing. We have nothing in common so we have no need to be friends. If you continue to try and be friends with me, I will beat you to a bloody pulp. Do we have an understanding?"

He didn't know it, but something inside him snapped. "I didn't invite them to come over, they came over to our table at their own free will. You don't control your friends and if they want to hang out with me, then that's fine. And I would never be friends with an ass like you. You know hardly anything about me, you have no idea what my life's been like. You didn't even give me a chance. So go screw off or whatever it is prat's like you do and don't bother me again!" he opened his door, walking into his room and slamming the door in the blonde's now shocked face.

"Shit," he grumbled. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! He's going to kill me! I shouldn't have snapped at him. What came over me?" he stopped his pacing, looking down at his hands. "Was I about to reveal what Uther's been doing to me? Crap, I need to be more careful."

_Buzzzz_

He looked down at his phone, unlocking it to see that Elena had texted him. He smiled, quickly adding her number to his contacts list and read her message.

**So how's living with the prince? Has he started acting like an asshole yet?**

He quickly typed his own response, hearing Arthur muttering in the hallway as he walked away to his own room or wherever.

**He's a total ass! He just yelled at me in the hallway about how Lancelot and Gwen came to sit with us at lunch. He's acting as if it were my fault!**

He flopped down on his bed, waiting for her reply. He didn't understand why Arthur was acting like a jerk. At first he thought it was because he and his mother were from a lower class, but now he wasn't so sure. Lancelot had said that he was from a family who was very poor and was only here on scholarship, so that wouldn't make sense if Arthur disliked people less fortunate then him. Perhaps though, it was because he only met them two weeks before the wedding. Did Uther even ask him if he was okay with having a new mother? If he didn't, then maybe that was the reason why.

His phone buzzed, Elena's new message popping up.

**What the fuck? What is that dick's problem? That's it. I'm going to beat his ass in the ground tomorrow. Screw these manicured nails!**

He grinned, shaking his head at her over the top attitude.

**If you did that, you would be expelled. I don't think your father would approve of that. Or Mithian.**

Her response came only moments later, a whole new use of words to describe her father now showing.

**I could less of what that bastard thinks. He's a fucking jackass who only puts up with me because I look like my Mum. His girlfriend thinks I'm a bitch XD but if I got kicked out of school for fighting, Mithian would have my head. Literally. Ugh, I'm just so pissed right now.**

He typed back quickly.

**Why?**

He had to wait several minutes for a reply, so he opened up his history book. Professor Collins, his history teacher, was the only one who had given out homework for the first day. As if turned out, a lot of students didn't like her, but to him, she looked sad. Only, she used her anger and grumpiness to hide it. His phone buzzed again and he tried to hide his smile as he read her message.

**Because Gwaine texted me, why else? I swear, if he tries to hit on me again I will sick Percival on him. Anyway, he just texted asking if having sex with Mithian was any good. Why the fuck would he want to know that? He's gay or bisexual or whatever! Why should he care? And Mithian and I have never done it! Ughh I want to kill him right now! **

**Oh, and he wants your number by the way. Said something about pissing the princess off.**

Merlin only grinned, sending her his number rand then waited. Only five minutes later, a new number popped up on his screen, a winking face that almost creeped him out.

**;D Hey how you doing? I'm Gwaine, if Elena didn't tell you already. I hear you and the princess don't get along.**

He quickly typed back, rolling his eyes.

**Because he's been nothing but rude to me since we met and he told me to stay away from his friends. I don't know what his problem is with me, but I'm not putting up with it.**

Gwaine only replied a minute later.

**I'll talk with him, so don't worry my friend. I like you and allow yourself to feel special because I do. I gotta go now, I'm going to go down on Perci's booty!**

He wrinkled his nose, not really needing to know that. He put his phone away, picking up the worksheet the Professor gave him and began to work. It only took thirty minutes to do and when he be was done, it was already five. He sighed, not wanting to spend more time with the Pendragon family. Every time he saw Uther, he wanted to run. Run and hide in his room or anywhere. He wasn't safe when Uther was in the house.

He showered quickly, pulling out a nice shirt and pants and headed down stairs. Arthur stood in foyer, glaring at him and daring him to talk with him. He glared back, tired of being intimidated by the blonde. His mother stood in front of a mirror, adjusting her hair and adding another pin in. She looked beautiful but to Merlin, she always did. Uther didn't look very happy, but when the door opened, he plastered on a fake smile and kissed the cheek of the girl who walked in.

Now if Merlin wasn't gay, he was pretty sure his hormones would go wild at the sight of her. Out of all the girls he'd ever seen, she was the most beautiful and elegant he'd ever come across. Her hair was unbelievably long, reaching towards the small of her back and tight curls bounced as she walked gracefully over to them. Her skin was fair and soft, her lips painted ruby red to contrast against her emerald green maxi dress. "Mrs. Pendragon," she greeted her step-mother, kissing both of her cheeks before turning to him and doing the same. "Merlin. It's so very nice to meet you all."

He inwardly felt sick. While she didn't look anything like Uther, she had his eyes. The same glass green eyes that could pierce straight into one's soul. She studied him silently and he knew he did not ever want to make this girl angry. Uther took his mother by the arm, leading all five of them into the dining room. "Morgana, how was your trip to Italy?"

She sat down across from Merlin and Arthur, giving her father a fake smile. "Lovely," she said, watching as a servant poured wine into her cup. "Mum and Morgause told me to tell you hello."

Uther's lips tightened ever so slightly, but he smiled. "Tell them I wish them well," he answered. "Are you heading to school tomorrow?"

"Of course," she looked at Arthur, her eyes gleaming with some sort of amusement. "I look forward to seeing Gwen. Have you been looking after my best friend, Arthur?"

"Yes," Arthur answered simply. "She's doing well."

"Good," she then turned to Merlin. "And you must be my new step-brother. I have to admit, you're pretty cute."

Both Arthur and Uther looked at her with barely concealed contempt, which passed unnoticed by his mother. Morgana just eased back into her seat as the first course came out, using her soup spoon daintily like a princess. Merlin only smiled, liking how she could cause the two men to get annoyed. "I'm gay," he informed her. "But thank you."

Her smirk only widened. "Even better. I've never had a gay friend besides Gwaine. Though I can't tell if he's bisexual or gay," she shrugged. "Anyway, you came from Ireland, right?"

"Yes," his mother answered. "We owned a café there."

"Really?" she sounded genuinely interested. "I wish I could have gone. I love coffee. I would probably die without it."

"I could make you some if you want," his mother offered gently. "Our café had the best coffee in town."

"You should one day! In fact, we should set up a time to have some. Maybe next week, how does that sound?"

"It sounds lovely," his mother smiled, looking very relieved that Morgana was being pleasant with her. "Uther has told us so much about you. And I'm sorry you couldn't make it to the wedding."

Morgana only shook her head. "It doesn't matter, I'm here now, aren't I?" she ignored Arthur as he rolled his eyes. "And I'm very happy I was able to meet you all.

Dinner went by without too much commotion. By the end of the night, he had come to the conclusion that he liked Morgana. She was witty and clever, not afraid to talk back to her father and brother if she thought they went too far. He could tell his mother liked her too, but anyone who was nice won a spot in his mother's book.

He was making his way to his room when he overheard voices sounding from one of the rooms in the house. The door was ajar, and being curious, he looked inside. Morgana was standing there with her hands on her hips, glaring heatedly at her brother. Arthur glared back just as harshly, though he swore that he looked kind of intimidated by her.

"You were supposed to take care of him last week! I had to call Isolde from her home and ask her to watch him! Do you know how embarrassing that was?"

Arthur just sighed. "Look, I said I was sorry. I won't do it again."

"You're just a part of this as I am. I can't do this on my own."

He placed his hands on her shoulders, trying to look as soothing as possible. From his position at the door, he noticed that though they didn't look alike, they both had the same nose. Her green eyes clashed with his blue as she glared at him. "I'm sorry I ditched you last week. It won't happen again. There's just been a lot on my mind."

"You can think?" she snapped. "And you think I'm not preoccupied? Don't be so selfish Arthur Pendragon!"

"Me? Selfish? Look at you, acting like you're the victim in all of this! You can blame me all you want, but it wasn't entirely my fault!"

"Don't you blame this on me!"

"I'm not!"

Merlin yelped, accidentally losing his footing and stumbled into the room. Both Arthur and Morgana looked at him in surprise before Arthur glared at him, yanking him up by the back of his shirt. "What do you think you're doing _Merlin_?" he sneered. "Were you eavesdropping?"

"No! I mean, yes! Sort of, I heard voices and wondered what was going on," he replied, trying to find the right words. "I have no idea what you're talking about though."

Morgana just turned to Arthur, grabbing her purse from the table behind him. "I'll see you both at school tomorrow. Goodnight, Merlin," she gave him a half smile and headed out of the room.

The minute she left, Arthur whacked him on the back of the head. "You idiot!" he snapped, glaring at him harshly. "Can you be any more of a nuisance? How much did you hear?"

"Nothing! Really!" he protested, having a feeling Arthur would punch him if he didn't reply quick enough. "All I heard really was her calling you selfish. What were you even talking about?"

Arthur just shoved him into the wall, keeping a finger on him to make him stay put. "None of your business," he growled. "Now keep your nose out of it. If you say anything to anyone about what you just heard, so help me God, I will end you. You hear me?"

"What am I going to tell?" he snapped back. "All siblings fight. I just figured you two were having a row."

Arthur relaxed a little, but the guarded look in his eye didn't disappear. "Just keep your mouth shut!" the prat hissed before releasing him. "And not a word of this to your mother."

"Are you cheating on Gwen?"

"God no, why would you even ask that? I love Gwen!" Arthur shoved him again. "And this has nothing to do with Gwen, got it?"

"Got it."

"Now go away," Arthur opened the door wider, stepping out of it to head down the hallway. "And don't ever talk about it with me again."

Merlin huffed, pushing past Arthur and into his own room. He stopped suddenly in the middle of the doorway to see Uther standing there, looking through his history book. He closed the door slowly, looking at the older man without expression. "What are you doing in my room?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. "Get out."

Uther just raised his eyes. "Ordering me in my house?" he asked, closing the text book. "That's not very good manners, Merlin."

"I don't care," he snapped. "Leave!"

His head whipped to the side, Uther's hand hanging in midair. His cheek throbbed and tears welled up in his eyes. Uther stared down at him coldly. "You will show me the proper respect, _boy_," he then gently touched his face. "I don't want to hurt you, but when you disrespect me I hate to."

Merlin just glared at him hatefully, feeling anger rise in his throat. Uther massaged his cheek, kissing him deeply. When he parted, he looked down at him. "Your mother said you should thank me for allowing you to enroll in such a prestigious school. I agree," he pushed him down onto his knees, unhooking his belt. "Now, thank me."

Merlin stared at the cock in front of me, not sure what to do. He had never done anything like this before and he was sure he didn't want to do it to Uther. Uther just sighed, pushing his head forward to take in his entire length. He groaned, his erection twitching in Merlin's mouth. He was choking, Uther thrusting into his mouth mercilessly. He gagged, tears streaming down his face. He could taste the salty precum drip from the head onto his tongue.

"Use your tongue," he commanded. "Rub the head with it."

He shook his head, but Uther just put a hand on his head tugged his hair tightly. He cried, using his tongue to rub the head and more precum dripped down. He opened his mouth a little wider to get more air, but that only made Uther groan in pleasure. Seconds later, semen poured into his mouth and Uther let out another groan. He coughed and sputtered, spitting out as much cum as he could, the majority of it still in his mouth slowly drip down his throat.

He stood up, wiping the semen off his face. "Happy now?" he asked, feeling miserable. "Now please get out!"

A hand lashed out, slamming his face down on the desk. Uther pulled his trousers down, forcing him to bend over even more. "No," he gasped, trying to move away. "Please no! It hurts!"

Uther just slammed into him forcefully, the feeling of being split in half pushing him to the point where he was sobbing. The older man just grunted, hands gripping tightly onto his hips as he pushed in further and further. "You're so tight," he moaned. "So tight and hot."

"S…Stop," he sobbed. "It hurts!"

The pleasure came washing over him as Uther hit something in him that made him see stars. A small moan broke out past his lips and he used a hand to cover his mouth. Uther paused, smirking against the back of his neck. "Do that again? You've always been so quiet during our love making."

He hit the spot again and he moaned louder, pleasure now overcoming the pain. He moaned louder, shame coursing through his body. Uther kept ponding into his body until he came, hot semen dripping through his anal passage and some of it dripping out. Uther sighed heavily, still inside him as the semen kept dripping down between them.

"That was good," Uther released his hips, pulling out of him. "I must leave you now. I love you."

He stood up on shaky legs, his back, rear and legs hurting like hell. Uther kissed him once again before opening the door and quickly leaving. Merlin stood in the middle of the room before a sob over took him. He curled up on the floor, sobs wracking his entire frame. He began to hyperventilate, placing a hand over his chest to try and clam down. He crawled into the bathroom, heaving several times before vomit came out.

He threw up two more times after that before standing up to wash his face and brush his teeth. _"You're a whore,"_ his mind said to him as he looked at himself in the mirror. _"A filthy, wretched whore. Just look at yourself! You were moaning like a prostitute! Whore!"_

He didn't have the energy to deny it as he limped over to his bed, curling under the covers and continued to sob into the pillow.

* * *

**(Arthur's p.o.v)**

"_So you got in a fight with him?"_

"Not exactly," Arthur lay sprawled out across his bed, phone placed by his ear as the sound of Gwen's gentle breathing hummed in the background. "It wasn't a fist fight, but there was name calling. He called me an ass, can you believe it?"

"_Yes,"_ she replied, which wasn't all that surprising. For the first few years they knew each other, Gwen did not like him. Most people had said they would date one day and when he looked back on it, he couldn't imagine why he didn't go out with her earlier. _"It sounds like you weren't being nice, at all."_

"So this is all my fault?"

"_Let me finish," _he could tell she was smiling into her phone as she spoke. _"I'm not saying it's all your fault; he shouldn't have been eavesdropping, but you could try to be nicer to him. Try getting to know him."_

"Why would I want to do that?"

"_You never know. Look at us, I couldn't stand you for so many years and now we're dating. We gave each other a chance and now I couldn't ever imagine not dating you. I don't regret that decision. But you might one day regret not getting to know him. When I talked to him, he was very nice. Shy, but when you're new, that's to be expected."_

He sighed, knowing full well she had a point. No one could argue with Gwen's logic. Even if she wasn't as smart as Mithian, she did know how to pick up and understand feelings. She was very mature for her age and so very kind. That's probably why he was attracted to her in the first place.

"I'll try to be nicer," he eventually said, knowing he would be pleased. "And I won't threaten him again."

"_Do you promise? Promise me, Arthur Bradley James Pendragon? Swear to me that you will be nice?"_

He couldn't say no to her; he never could. "I promise," he vowed. He couldn't back out now or she would be very disappointed in him. Gwen was odd like that. She didn't get mad very often, but she would get disappointed. "I will be nicer."

"Starting tomorrow?"

"Fine, yes, starting tomorrow."

He sighed, bidding her goodnight and then setting his phone on his charger. He stared up at the ceiling, thinking of their conversation. He didn't really understand why she was taking Merlin's side; she didn't even really know the guy. Then again, he didn't really know anything about Merlin besides the fact that he played guitar, had a capacity for knowledge that rivaled Mithian's, and had a dead father.

Well, maybe there was something there he could relate to. Looking over towards his nightstand, he looked at the photograph of his mother, Ygraine. He was only five when she left, but he didn't know why. His father told him several times she was dead, but he wasn't so sure. He never told him what she died from and when the topic arose, his father would always change the subject or leave. A part of him wondered if she was alive, but that was wishful thinking.

With thoughts that made him feel moody, he switched off the lights to go to sleep.

* * *

_And you know it hurts like hell,_

_That's you in a nutshell,_

_That's you in a nutshell_

_~Pretty buildings by People in planes~_

**And that is chapter three people. Yup, Gwen is now on Arthur's case to be nicer. Of course, Arthur being Arthur, this isn't going to be easy at first. He's still kind of a selfish jerk, but that will change. Well, review!**


	4. Boulevard of Broken Dreams

_**Author's note: **Well, we finally see some more friendly Arthur and Merlin interaction. We only see Uther towards the end, but still, it makes me sad to put Merlin through all this. I'm aiming for about twenty chapters, but I promise that Arthur will find out. Thanks for all the support! I wish to see more reviews from followers, but thanks to all of you!_

_**Warnings:** Mentioned rape_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything but minor OCs_

* * *

_I walk a lonely road,_

_The only road that I have ever known,_

_Don't know where it goes,_

_But it's only me and I walk alone_

_**(Merlin's p.o.v)**_

August 31, a Monday, and Merlin awoke with a pounding headache.

He looked at his alarm clock, noticing it was only six thirty in the morning. He stared blankly at the clock, knowing he still had at least thirty minutes before he had to get up. He reverted his eyes from the clock to the ceiling, staring numbly at the perfectly plastered foundation. His stomach grumbled; him not eating much at dinner that night. So much had happened in the two weeks since school started. He'd made friends, became someone just about everyone in his orchestra liked, became a teacher's pet, and then would come home just to be raped by his step-father.

The thought sullied his mood and he narrowed his eyes, shame washing over him. Uther hadn't come over last night, which had been a relief. He'd spent pretty much the whole night lying awake just waiting for the man to come and use him further. When the hours kept ticking away, he'd found himself relaxing into a dreamless sleep, knowing full well that it might be his only night of peace in a while.

He rolled out of his bed, hoping into the shower and letting the warm beads of water cascade down his face. He jumped when he heard his towel fall on to the floor, panic rising in his chest. He could hear the sounds of footsteps everywhere, images of Uther everywhere. He choked back a sob, sinking to his knees and trying to calm his breathing. He tried to reassure himself that Uther would never come to his room this early and allow his mother to possibly catch him sneaking out. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to feel calm until the warm water turned freezing cold.

He stepped out quickly, using the towel to run it through his dark wet hair. He took his comb, staring at his reflection in the glass. Dark bags now stuck out through his pale face and he narrowed his eyes, thinking his cheek bones were sticking out too much. Hurrying over to his scale, he stood on it, waiting for the results. His eyes widened, realizing that he'd dropped weight. Not a whole lot, but since he was already thin and kind of gangly, it wouldn't be long before people would notice. He threw up a lot more nowadays once Uther was finished pleasuring himself and his eating habits were becoming sparse.

"I need to eat more," he grumbled to himself, walking to his dresser. "I can't have people noticing. I can't have Mum find out."

Once dressed, he walked slowly down the stairs towards the dining room, seeing as no one was down there yet. Isobel, one of the maids, was busy setting the table and she jumped when she saw him, face flushing pink. "Oh, Mr. Pendragon, I didn't hear you come in!"

He just nodded, giving a tired smile. "I woke early and couldn't go back to sleep. Did Aubrey say what we're having for breakfast?"

"Back bacon, poached eggs, and toast. I think anyway," she blushed shyly. "I can go ask her again, if you like."

He shook his head, sitting down. "No, it's okay. Thank you."

"Are you alright?" she cocked her head, eyes glittering in confusion. "You look kind of pale."

"It's nothing," he answered quickly. "Just a bit thirsty."

"Well, do you want some water?" she asked, but shrugged when he said no. "I hope you better soon."

She walked out and he continued to sit at the table, staring blankly at the cream colored wallpaper. He tried to think of positive things, like seeing his new friends and the weekend, but then his dark and depressing thoughts returned. Even if he left for school, Uther would still get to him. He would come home and act like everything was alright, but come night time and the cruelty would return again. No matter where he would go, he would eventually have to return to the hell hole he now had to call home.

"You're up early."

Arthur stood in front of the dining table, holding a football under one arm and his school bag in the other. Merlin jumped slightly, hoping that the blonde wouldn't notice his unease. Arthur just rolled his eyes and sat down at the table. Merlin scooted back a little, ready to make a mad dash at a moment's notice. "Good morning," he started, trying to sound cheerful. "Ready for the day to begin?"

"Please stop sounding so damn happy," Arthur grumbled, banging his head down on the table. "What do you have to be happy for?"

"Well, a nice house to live in, a wonderful mother, new friends at school. Don't know if I should be happy about the arrogant prat of a step-brother I have."

The prat just shot him a look before returning his head to the table. "And I'm not sure if you would look better with a black on your right or left eye," silence rose between them before he peeked one sky blue eye out. "You look pale."

He instinctively brought his hand to his cheek, smiling casually. "It's nothing; I'm just a bit thirsty. I didn't know you'd be so worried."

"I'm not worried," Arthur sat up now, Isobel returning to place some coffee on the table. "It just makes you look foolish."

"It's not like I wanted to get hit with a ball!"

Arthur just took a long sip of coffee. When he set it down, he looked a little more awake. "So why are you up so early?" he asked, though Merlin wasn't certain if he cared or not. "You're usually not up before your mum."

"I couldn't sleep last night. Not very well, anyway," his thoughts went back to Uther, who made him have intercourse twice two nights ago. Twice! "And the storm last night kept me up."

Arthur just nodded, adding some cream into his drink. "You could always use ear muffs, though that would make you look stupid," he added, not unsurprisingly though. "You should get used to the rain. It's London, after all."

"I am used to it. We had tons of rain in Ireland."

"Well this is Britain. Not Ireland."

"You're such a clot pole," he groaned, not even knowing where that word came from. He blamed the early morning. "Is there any time you don't act like a prat?"

Arthur just raised an eyebrow, paused in mid drink as he stared at him in disbelief. "Clot pole?" he asked in bewilderment. "What the bloody hell is a clot pole?

"Two words: Arthur Pendragon," he felt himself smile a little before realization hit him. Why was Arthur talking to him all of a sudden? After the night when Morgana came to visit, he'd ignored and avoided him like the plague. "Why are you talking to me?" he asked suspiciously. "I'm not in any sort of danger, am I?"

"Gwen made me," Arthur sulked. "And she brought up a few good points while we were talking, so I was wondering if you want to help me during football practice today?"

"I don't know how to play football."

"Well I'm sure as hell not going to teach you; you'd get pummeled out there," Arthur looked at him knowingly and he knew the blonde was right, he was not fit enough to do that sport. "You can just sit on the bleachers and hand me things I need."

While he didn't think playing football, (or sitting on the bleachers for that matter), was very fun perhaps spending time with Arthur would be good. If he could get along with a majority of his new family, then maybe living here wouldn't be so bad. Besides Uther, anyway. "I guess," he replied. "I mean, I know a lot of your team mates."

Arthur narrowed his eyes. "How do you know them already?"

He grinned sheepishly. "Gwaine asked Elena for my number and I gave it to her. Then Percival sent me his, then Leon and Elyan came soon after. Plus Lancelot and Gwen gave me their numbers at lunch my first day."

"Well aren't you Mr. Popular?" Arthur asked sarcastically.

"No," he answered quietly. "I've never had friends before. Not like these ones anyway."

"Never?"

"No, Ealdor was pretty small. A lot of people didn't like me because I was different. When I was little it was because my ears stuck out a little and because I was so tall. When I told them I couldn't help it, they started to ignore me."

He was kind of surprised to see Arthur looking interested, which was both nerve wracking and astounding. "Why didn't you tell your mother?"

"I did, but the kids' parents didn't care. They just said it was kids just being kids," he sighed. "But it doesn't matter now. I don't care about them because now I have friends here."

"If you say so," Isobel returned, carrying three plates of food and set them down at everyone's respectful chair. Arthur looked up at her. "Isobel, where's my father?"

"Oh, he's out of town for the weekend. He won't be back till Thursday."

Merlin's heart leapt in his chest and he had to hide the smile in his coffee cup. Three whole days of peace! He couldn't believe it! When his mother walked in, she looked rather surprised to see them both. "You're up early, Merlin," then she frowned at his face. "Why are you so pale?"

"I'm just thirsty, Mum," he felt a bit embarrassed when she placed a hand on his forehead. "Mum, I'm not sick."

"You're not running a fever," she mused, looking thoughtful. "If you're not feeling well, you can stay home today."

"No, I'm helping Arthur with football after school," he told her. "Can't miss that."

She looked at the two of them carefully before a smile broke out on her face. "Well I'm glad to see the two of you getting along finally." She sighed, looking very pleased. "So, what's on the agenda for school today?"

"I have to work on a project with the most annoying girl in school," he groaned, biting into his eggs mournfully. "Vivian Moffett."

Arthur let out a laugh. "You got stuck with her? I feel sorry for you. Morgana hates her more than anything in this world! She'll get a kick out of this!"

"What's wrong with her?" his mother asked, buttering her toast. "I heard the Moffett family is very close to ours."

"They are," Arthur agreed, calming down a little. "I've known Vivian since I was a child and even then she was annoying. She never wanted to leave when it was time for her to go home and she's obnoxious and rude to everyone."

"Well then," his mother didn't really look impressed. "I wish you luck, Merlin. Try to be polite and nice around her, okay? You catch more flies with honey, you know."

"I know," he grumbled, his eggs now all gone. He felt full, which was odd because the eggs were pretty small. His appetite was gone and he no longer felt hungry. Still, he had to keep up the appearance. "It's just that this project will last a whole year."

"Well, maybe you two will become friends afterwards."

Both boys stared at her in disbelief while she just took a long sip of coffee, not at all concerned. Arthur then cleared his throat. "At least you don't have to be partnered with Edwin. That guy gives me the creeps."

"Doesn't he have a bunch of burn scars on his face?" Merlin asked, remembering the boy in his science class.

"Yeah," Arthur nodded. "Apparently someone set their house on fire when he was younger. It killed his parents."

"That's awful," his mother looked very sympathetic. "Does he not have any friends?"

"No," Arthur shook his head. "He's very…odd. He likes to collect bugs and such. In sixth grade, he stuffed crickets in Morgana's desk. After that, she took him outside the playground and beat the crap out of him. She was lucky that no one suspected it was her and he was too much of a chicken to admit who it was."

Merlin glanced at his phone while the other two kept chatting. It was almost seven thirty, so he excused himself from the breakfast table to grab his bag and guitar. By the time he'd finished brushing his teeth; their ride to school was already there. He bid his mother goodbye and followed Arthur outside, trying to avoid the rain as much as he could.

The ride was silent as usual, though they were still pretty tired to talk much. By the time they got to school, Arthur gave him a nod of a goodbye and rushed over to Gwen and his other friends. He went off to go put things in his locker and his guitar in the orchestra room, and then hurried off to find his new friends. By the time he found them in their usual spot, an unsurprising thing happened: Mithian and Will were having an argument.

Both Freya and Elena waved at him; Elena looking a little too amused at the scene going on before them. "Hey," he greeted, still looking at Mithian and Will. "What's going on here?"

"We have our own entertainment system," Elena smirked. "We should get some popcorn, right Freya?"

"I wish they would stop," Freya frowned, shaking her head at her two arguing friends. "I don't even know how it began."

"I think it was because Will drank two Monsters today and he has a third one in his bag. Mithian says he could die from it, but Will's not buying it."

The argument between the two friends continued until Elena yawned loudly, giving Freya a look. "Well, Merlin and I are going to class. See you, Mithy," she said and interrupted the argument by kissing her on the cheek.

She and Merlin headed off to English, both of them grinning and shaking their heads. "They argue a lot," Elena continued. "But they really are good friends."

"I can tell."

They hurried to class, the bell about to ring in a few minutes. To his surprise, Professor Finna wasn't there, so the substitute told them that they could work with their partners on a project. With a heavy heart, he slowly walked over to where Vivian was sitting, casting Elena a look that said "help me!"

"So," he began, not knowing where to start. "I guess I could ask you questions?"

"Do what you want," she replied snottily, applying blush to her cheeks. "I don't care."

"Okay," he looked down at the list of questions in his hand. "So, what do you enjoy most about your family?"

"When my Daddy goes out to shag the neighbor's wife," she continued to look into her mirror, ignoring his shocked look. "Then I don't have to be near him."

"Why do you want not to be near him?"

"Why don't you mind your own damn business?" she snapped, looking away from the mirror. She then smiled, looking as though she hadn't looked irritated. "You can keep talking."

"…Okay?" he blinked his eyes twice at her random snap. "What do you like to do?"

"I love partying, gossiping," she listed with her fingers, setting her makeup kit down. "Fighting with Daddy, petting my bunny Fluffers, listening to Five seconds of summer, drawing…"

"You're an artist?" he asked, surprised. "You can draw?"

She rolled her eyes, pulling out a medium sized sketch book out from underneath her book. "Here," she flipped through the pages, showing pictures of all sorts of things ranging from designer clothes to cute rabbits. "Believe me now?"

He wanted to look further into the book, but she pulled it away claiming that he should stick his nose to where it belonged. Merlin was not impressed to say the least, but he was a bit confused when she smiled again, telling him that she liked his guitar playing. Dear lord, this girl was probably a handful at home. "So what do you like to draw?"

"All sorts of things," she summarized. "Anything I feel like."

That didn't really answer much, but he had a feeling that was all he was going to get out of her. At least for today anyway.

"Do you want to come over next Thursday?"

He jumped at her question, looking over to her. "What?"

"What are you, deaf? I asked if you wanted to come over next Thursday," she looked irritated at the fact that he didn't hear her. "Well?"

"Uh, sure. Sounds great."

"Good, you can leave now," she smiled sweetly, but at the same time he could sense a threatening undertone behind it. "Go!" she snapped. "Leave! Shoo!"

And he did just that, not wanting to be near the strange and rude girl anymore.

**(Later that afternoon)**

By the time school let out at three thirty, the rain clouds had already disappeared. Sunshine peaked through fluffy white and gray clouds, letting a warm breeze ruffle through everyone's hair and clothes. Arthur leaned his head back, letting the golden rays stroke his face, making his skin look tan. Merlin blushed, looking away while thinking that the sun made Arthur appear as some sort of Greek God.

"Aren't you glad, Merlin," Arthur struck up conversation, though even he could tell he looked awkward. "The sun is finally out."

"Yes it is."

There was silence between them as they headed towards the football field. Out of the corner of his eye, he could tell Arthur was uncomfortable. He didn't blame him; he really didn't. They'd only spoken this morning and since then, they hadn't had much contact. And if Gwen hadn't interfered, they wouldn't be speaking at all. A warmth spread through his heart at the thought of Gwen and her liking of him. Arthur must really love this girl if he was willing to do what she asked of him.

"So you and Gwen," he started. "How did you two start dating?"

"Last February at the Valentine's day dance. Lance kept nagging at me to ask her rand so I did. I guess at one point when we were dancing, I kissed her and ever since then, we've been dating."

"So Lancelot set you two up?" he found that kind of hard to believe, but then again, he'd only known people for about a week. "He doesn't look like the match making type."

"I didn't think so either," Arthur began, looking a little more relaxed now. "But he and Gwen have been friends since they were kids. I sometimes think he knows her better than I do."

He turned towards the blonde, thinking he saw something of jealousy flash in the boy's eyes. He shook his head. "I'm sure Gwen loves you. Lancelot is her best guy friend and have been since they were kids. It's only natural he knows her very well; he did set you two up."

"True," Arthur agreed, though he still looked jealous. "Though I'm a bit surprised that someone like you would understand how close friends work."

"Why is that so hard to comprehend?" he asked, rolling his eyes. "I'm not naive. Why would you even ask that?"

"Well, you said you'd never had friends before."

"So that means that I'm oblivious to how friendship works? Geeze, you're a prat."

"And you're an idiot," Arthur gave him a shove, though it wasn't as aggressive as the ones in the past had been. "And a clot pole."

"Only I can use that word," Merlin shot out, wagging a finger in front of the blonde. "I created it, so you can't use it."

"Last time I checked," Arthur quipped back, tossing his football in the air. "You don't own the English language."

"Clot pole isn't part of the English language; I made it up."

"My point still stands."

Merlin just raised his eyes for the umpteenth time in a row. "So unimaginative," he sighed, ignoring the annoyed look from Arthur. "But I guess someone like you would be."

"Shut it, Merlin."

He felt the blonde cuff him on the back of his head before walking off to go meet Elyan and Leon, who were waiting for him. He could recognize many people on the team: Gwaine, Lancelot, Percival, Elyan, Leon, Valiant, Ewan, Oswald, Tristan, William, Gilli, Kay, Jarl, Own, Tauren, Cedric, Aglain, and of course, the team Captain, Arthur himself.

He soon found himself sitting on one of the benches as the boys started warming up. Their coach, a strong and mean looking man named Helios yelling at them the entire time. He didn't like Helios as all; he was the physical education teacher and didn't seem to like Merlin very much. He didn't know why, but he had a feeling it was because he had no athletic talent whatsoever. Unless ice skating could be counted, but he had a feeling most of the boys in class would tease him relentlessly.

"So, you got roped into watching practice too?"

He jumped, dropping his history book in the process. Gwen kneeled down, picking it up and setting it gently next to him. "Sorry," she apologized. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"Oh, nothing scares me," he grinned jokingly. "Yeah, Arthur asked if I wanted to come to practice."

She smiled, moving her thick curls back. She waved towards Arthur, who blew her a kiss. She giggled before returning back to Merlin. "I'm glad he's being nicer to you. He was supposed to be last week, but you know how stubborn he is, I'm sure."

"I'll say," he nodded in agreement. "It seems he doesn't listen to anyone besides you and his father."

"What do you think of him?" she asked, sitting down on the semi-wet bench. "I've only been near Uther a few times and to be honest with you, I don't like him. I wouldn't dare tell Arthur because he and his father are close and I wouldn't tell his friends; I don't trust some of them. So, do you have an opinion?"

He frowned; inwardly becoming less enthused at the image of the man. "I didn't mind him at first," he started honestly, stomach churning at the thought of lying to her. "But as I got to know him more, I don't really like him."

"Why is that?"

"I think he's too opinionated," he started, trying to dance around the truth. If Gwen found out that he was being raped almost every night by this man…then it would be over. "He doesn't know when to keep his opinions to himself and he can be crass at times. But he makes Mum happy, so I won't complain too much. He makes her happy, so it's not my place to say anything."

"He doesn't like me; I know he doesn't," she bit her lip. "Even though I come from a good family, he just doesn't like me. He'll say nice things in public, but I know he thinks I'm not good enough for Arthur."

"Can't imagine why," Merlin rolled his eyes at the thought of no one liking Gwen. "You're one of the kindest people in the world."

She blushed. "Thank you, Merlin. You're too sweet," she laughed. "Everyone says that and I guess it's true. It comes naturally. Dad says I get it from my Mum. She started off from humble beginnings and is now one of the top designers in the world."

"My Mum loves her designs," he added, thinking of his mother. "And she's impressed that you and Arthur are dating."

"We must set up a meeting between them," Gwen grinned, now excited. "My Mum wants to meet yours ever since she found out Uther remarried."

"Well then, you talk to Arthur about it and I'll talk to my Mum. Deal?"

"Deal."

They both shared the same grin for an hour, talking about whatever when Arthur came up to them. He looked between the two of them carefully, eyebrow cocked. "Am I interrupting?" he asked.

Gwen jumped up, wrapping her arms around his neck as he swung her around. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Lancelot standing nearby talking with Gwaine, but he could see a look of longing in his dark eyes. Shaking the image off, he put his homework away, trying to ignore the scene of Arthur snogging Gwen.

"I'm going to go get changed," Arthur told her as he exited towards the locker rooms with the other players. "I'll see you in a couple minutes."

"I actually have to leave now," she replied, giving a smile. "My Dad is waiting for me right now; Mum is back and wants to have a family meal."

"Oh, well, tell your Mum I said hi and that I can't wait to see her again."

She looked over to Merlin, giving a wink. "That might be sooner than you think."

She danced off towards her father's car, where Elyan was now getting into the shotgun seat. Arthur then turned to Merlin. "What was that about?"

"She wants our mothers to meet," he then flushed a little. "I mean my Mum and hers."

"It's okay if you say that," the prat shrugged. "My Mum wasn't much of a mother to me anyway."

That was the end of any talking they had last night. As Altair picked them up and drove them home, Arthur just sulked and stared out the window. Merlin just shifted awkwardly, though he was secretly relieved that Uther wouldn't return home for a few more days.

At least, that's what he thought, anyway. As they walked inside, the first person to greet them was Uther. He tensed up as Arthur walked past him to greet his father, his voice getting caught up in his throat. "Father!" Arthur gave his father a quick hug. "I thought you weren't returning till Wednesday?"

"Bayard got sick and had to cancel the meeting," Uther just shook his head. "Annoying, but people do get sick I suppose. Hello Merlin."

"Hello," he greeted softly as he followed them to the dinner table. He didn't talk much, claiming he was tired and quickly retreated to his room after dinner. He waited by the window, staring out of it with his eyes closed till he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist.

"I missed you," Uther breathed against his ear, kissing it before leaving a trail down towards his collar bone. "I'm sorry I couldn't meet you last night."

He then pushed him onto the bed and Merlin closed his eyes again.

* * *

_Read between the lines,_

_What's fucked up and everything's alright,_

_Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive,_

_And I walk alone_

_~Green Day- Boulevard of Broken Dreams~_

**Well, review please!**


	5. Breathe me

_**Author's note:** Well a little subplot comes into play here! We learn what Morgana and Arthur were talking about. Plus we see more of Vivian in this chapter too! I'm graduating in a few days, so things are going to be supper busy. I'm still working on The Hunter's heart and Howling in the dark, so keep an eye out for updates on those too._

_**Warnings: **__Rape_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for minor OCs_

_Ouch,_

_I have lost myself again,_

_Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,_

_Yeah,_

_I think that I might break,_

_Lost myself again and I,_

_Feel unsafe_

* * *

_**(Merlin's p.o.v)**_

Slowly, but surely, the week pressed on. Monday turned into Friday, then Friday into Monday. By Thursday, September 10, he found himself standing outside a magnificent looking penthouse. Compared to all the other ones on the block, this one stuck out the most. With its neatly trimmed yard and multiple bushes of hydrangea placed among the outside. The windows looked clean and recently washed; giving off a gleam in the late afternoon sunlight. A bit of a nip was in the air, but he figured it was the wind carrying in the new rain.

Vivian stood next to him, absently popping gum in her mouth as she led him towards the front gate. She pushed a button, the gates to the home opening and she stepped through, walking gracefully and purposefully towards her front door. For a girl of rather short stature, she sure could walk fast, Merlin couldn't help but notice. It took him at least fifteen seconds just to catch up with her high heeled feet.

"This is my home," she said, opening the door to reveal a quiet looking home. It looked very modern, with white carpeting and walls, brown wooden furniture and cream colored sofas and chairs set in the living room. He leaned down, reaching to pull his shoes off when she glared at him. "Don't take your shoes off," she said, stopping him in his tracks. "Just keep them on."

"Okay?" he replied, though his question still hung in the air.

She motioned for him to follow her, leading him up the stairs and to the second door on the left. She opened it, revealing a bedroom that didn't look like anyone lived in it. She flopped down on her bed, kicking her shoes off and throwing her school uniform jacket off. He shifted uncomfortably, tuning around when he could see her lacy bra sticking out from under her black dress shirt. "I can wait outside," he offered. "I don't mind."

"Don't be so embarrassed; you're gay aren't you?" she put the shirt in the laundry basket, along with the tights and skirt. "Aren't you supposed to be repulsed by boobs or something?"

"No," he muttered, not feeling like arguing right now. "I just don't find the female body attractive."

"Hm, that's a shame. I could go for some sex right now."

His eyes widened at her statement, even more shocked when he realized that she didn't even feel bad for saying it. She simply pulled on a light pink shirt that hung down so low he could see half her breasts and shorts that didn't leave much room for the imagination. "Why would you say something like that?" he asked, sitting down on her white office chair. "Do you even know what you said was inappropriate to someone who doesn't know you that well?"

"I don't care," she flopped back on her bed, staring at the ceiling. "Anyway, let's just start the damn project."

He nodded, still a bit uneasy, but knew that he was going to have to work with her anyway. "Do you remember anything about your Mum?"

She didn't look at him and just continued to stare up at the ceiling. For a long while, he could see her brown eyes blinking up towards the ceiling blankly; millions of thoughts probably running through her head. "Yes," she replied. "I remember her walking out on Daddy and me when I was nine."

"Why did she leave?" he asked. "If you don't mind me asking."

"Because Daddy found out she was screwing the butler. When he found out, he was furious. They argued for hours, which eventually stretched into days. Then one day, while he was at work, she came down the stairs while I was playing with my Barbie's in the living room. She told me that she was leaving and didn't know when she would be back. And that was it. I never saw her again."

He paused, writing that all down. "So, um, let's skip the questions about your family," he looked through his list. "What do you want to be when you graduate?"

"A model," she sighed dreamily, completely different from a minute ago when she sounded somber and dismal. "Or an artist. As you know, I can draw."

"I know," he offered a small smile. "Do you have any other artwork besides sketches?"

"Oh yes," she grinned, jumping off the bed. "Do you want to see this new water color painting I have finished? It's in the art studio, so I'll be right back."

She dashed off, curly blonde hair flying behind her. He took this opportunity to look further around her room. He knew it was wrong to snoop around, but something about Vivian felt off. He didn't know if anyone else realized it, but there was something not right about her. He found her sketchbook next to her bed, grabbing it quickly and flipping through it. His eyes widened as he reached the back of the book. There were pages upon pages of death, or scenes implying it. Usually in every picture, there was a girl in a white dress in various forms: Hanging, drowning, bleeding from the inside out, wrists slit, etc.

"What the hell is wrong with her?" he asked, now suddenly very ill. "Does her father know about this?"

He set the book down, looking further into the room. So far, there was nothing else out of the ordinary, the room looking very girly and stereotypical. Multiple posters of The Spice Girls and Five Seconds of summer were everywhere, along with pictures she had sketched or painted. The only thing he found slightly interesting was the black leather bound diary on her desk. Knowing he was crossing the line, he began to read the entry.

_It happened again, diary. I don't know what else to do. He won't leave me alone! I can't get out of here; it's like he's made a cage around this place and there's no way I can get out. I don't think he's ever going to leave me alone. Sophia, Kara, Drea and all my other friends won't understand. I've dropped hints, but none of them are catching on. They're so dumb it's almost unbearable to watch them. I feel like I'm suffocating, loosing every single breath and the cage is making it harder for me to breathe. If it happens again, I don't think I can do it any longer. I've thought of multiple ways of dying, but what if I can't pull it off?_

He stepped back from the book at the sound of her voice and sat back in the chair quickly. His heart was hammering at the discovery he'd made, though he wasn't sure what to make of it. Vivian held up a water painting, grinning proudly. It truly was something to awe at. The colors were bright and happy, showing a young couple taking a rowboat ride through a lake during the spring time. "It's lovely," he told her, causing her to beam. "Better than anything I could ever do."

"But you play music," she reminded him, setting the painting down. "Whereas I can't carry a tune."

She then proceeded to sit back down on her bed. "Now let me ask you something," she began. "When did you know you were gay?"

Even though he was still uncomfortable around her, the question was fair. "Around my freshmen year," he admitted slowly. "I'd never really been attracted to girls, but I'd always been looking at the guys in the locker room after physical education. After that, it didn't take long for me to figure out I was gay."

She nodded. "I wasn't surprised when Gwaine announced he was gay," she smiled. "I slept with him during a party last year, and I could tell he was lacking in something. He didn't come even once."

"Uh, okay, I didn't need to know that," his face was now red at the thought of Gwaine and Vivian shagging. She didn't look upset at the thought of it; she smiled rather fondly of the memory.

"Alright, next question," she sat up now, tossing her blonde curls over her shoulder. "Do you and your Mum get along?"

"Of course we do; she's probably my best friend!" he smiled proudly at the thought of his mother. "She's always been supportive of me and she treats me like a responsible adult."

"That's nice," she mused. "My Daddy keeps me locked in this fucking house almost all the time. He hardly lets me go out anywhere. Not even with friends," she rolled her eyes. "It's like he thinks I'm going to run away like Mum."

"You and your father are close?"

She didn't answer that question, but her eyes did darken a little. He could tell now she was irritated, eyebrows narrowing in an angry way. "Are you happy, Merlin?" she asked, her tone now hard. "Are you happy?"

"Yes," he lied. He didn't even have to remind himself that he was a liar. "I have lots of things to be thankful for."

"Don't lie to me!" she snapped, now standing up to tower over him. "I can't stand liars! Are you so full of shit that you actually believe in what you're saying?"

"I don't know what your problem is?" he asked, now standing up. "You've been acting weird ever since we met and to be honest, you're freaking me out."

"Why are you such an idiot?" she was practically in tears now, glaring at him with such fury that she almost looked…desperate. "Are you that blind? How can you say you're happy when you're not? I can see you! I know how you are!"

He backed away, hand brushing the door knob. "What can you see? Why would you say something like that?" he snapped back. "Why?"

"Because you have the same look I do when I look in the mirror every day."

They stared at each other for the longest time, her eyes begging at him for something. He threw open the door, rushing down the hallway and out of the house, ignoring her desperate calls. He didn't know how long he'd been running, but eventually he found himself in one of the parks nearby, leaning on one of the park benches to catch is his breath.

What did she want from him? He didn't understand her at all; she was crazy! If anything, she probably needed professional help. That look in her eyes was terrifying and it made him want to curl into a ball and hide. He'd seen that look in himself, now that he thought about it. Could she possibly know something about Uther? Had he hurt her too?

"Merlin?"

He jumped, turning around to see Morgana standing behind him. Her head was cocked, dark hair blowing in the wind as she stared at him. "I'm fine," he breathed, giving a smile before looking down. "Who's this?"

She looked down at the pram she was pushing around, giving a tentative smile. "This is Mordred," she indicated towards the baby, who was staring up at Merlin with intense blue eyes. In fact, he swore he'd seen eyes like that before….

"Are you babysitting?" he asked.

"No," she pressed her lips together in a thin, firm line. "He's my son."

"Oh," he was embarrassed now. If there was anything around to hide his embarrassment in, he could sure use it now. "Uh, that's um, nice?" he offered weakly.

She rolled her eyes. "If you're going to tell me how irresponsible I was and how I'm such a bit slut, you can save it," she said harshly. "I know I'm not a slut and I'm being responsible by raising him and giving him a good home."

"I wasn't going to say that!" he amended. "I don't know the reason you had a baby at this young of age and it's not my business. I'm not going to criticize you because that's not right. I'm not perfect either, so, yeah."

She softened at that, taking Mordred out of his ride. "He was born last year," she began. "I didn't the second half of the year at home because Uther didn't want the whole school to know that I was pregnant. The asshole."

"Why would he care?"

She glanced around, pulling him aside towards one of the trees where no one could see them. Mordred stayed perfectly happy in her arms, stretching his arms towards a few birds that danced nearby. "There are a lot of things in this family, Merlin," she began darkly. "That you and your mother don't know about. Now, I'm telling this because I trust you. I know we don't really know each other all that well yet, but I think you will keep quiet. Do you swear to keep your mouth shut?"

"I swear!"

"Alright," she took a deep breath. "I am Mordred's mother, as you already know. I'm going to tell you who the father is and if you dare draw attention to us, I will castrate you!"

"I won't do anything," he promised, now very serious. "How dangerous is it?"

"The father of Mordred is Arthur."

* * *

"So where were you all afternoon?"

He had almost made it towards his room when he bumped into Arthur on. He crashed into his strong, firm figure and almost fell over, blushing a little in embarrassment. "I was at Vivian's working on a project."

"Vivian's? Well that's weird; hardly anyone goes over to her house."

"She's weird all right," he agreed, finding himself following the blonde boy through the house. "I learned quite a bit about her though."

"Like?"

He paused, shaking his head. "I shouldn't say; it's not my place."

"Well then don't bring it up if you can't say anything," Arthur grumbled before rolling his eyes. He glanced at Merlin from the corner of his eye. "Morgana texted me a while ago."

"Oh. That's uh, nice?"

Arthur just opened the door to his room, motioning for him to go inside. Out of all the weeks he'd been living here, Merlin had never been inside Arthur's room. He expected it to be messy, but it was surprisingly neat. It was almost…simple, with only a few posters of sports and pictures of his friends and girlfriend. Arthur closed the door, arms now crossed over his chest. "Before you say anything to anyone, I will have you know that if you do, I will beat your ass to a pulp. Understand?"

He nodded silently, already receiving this threat from Morgana. "I won't say anything. Not even to Mum," he noticed Arthur glare harder at him. "I swear! Morgana already asked me not to and I won't say anything. Why would I want to hurt your or her?"

Arthur's gaze softened a little, but not by much. He sat down on his bed, staring at the floor in a mixture of shame and irritation. "It wasn't supposed to happen," he began and Merlin listened quietly. "It really wasn't."

"What happened?"

"I've known Morgana since the fifth grade when she was enrolled from her private school for girls to our prep school. At that time, I had felt a pull towards her that I could never explain. I didn't know why I was so attracted to her, but I was," he paused, thinking for a bit. "During January of our freshmen year, we were at a party. We were both completely drunk when we began to make out. Gwen wasn't at the party, thank god, so I wasn't thinking about impressing her. It escalated from there and before I could even process what we were doing, we were having sex."

"Oh my God," Merlin muttered, placing a hand over his mouth. "But you two are-"

"Let me finish!" Arthur interrupted. "In both our defenses, we didn't know we were related. When I told Father that she was pregnant, he was so livid. At first I thought it was at me, but it was only later that I found out he was angry with himself. He and Vivienne, Morgana's mother, sat us down together one night and explained that we are half-siblings. Morgana ran off the minute they explained the story and we could hear her throwing up in the bathroom. And I admit, I was pretty sick myself."

Merlin found himself walking over to Arthur, sitting next to him while the blonde pressed his hands over the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply. "That's awful," he began softly. "For both of you, that must have been really hard."

"It was horrible. Morgana took the semester off, but only because Uther forced her to. Nobody knows that she had a baby; she was living with some other relatives during those few months so no one would find out. Father only did it so he wouldn't' be embarrassed by our actions."

He found anger in that, the tragedy making him further his hatred towards the man. He found sympathy with Arthur and Morgana, and even young Mordred. It wasn't their fault; how could they have known? Uther and Vivienne should have told them so this could have been avoided. "I'm sorry," he said as gently as he could. "Truly, I am."

"Why should you be sorry?" Arthur asked, sounding disgusted with himself. "You didn't know. I get so angry when father refuses to address the topic or have Mordred come into contract with him. He treats him like he's the plague! It's not my son's fault that he didn't tell us we were related. Yet, he constantly reminds me on how it's my fault and Morgana's."

"But it's not your fault!" Merlin couldn't help but add in, not entirely sure if he should say something, but did anyway. "It's his and Vivienne's! They should have been responsible and told you instead of keeping it in the dark! Don't blame yourself, Arthur."

He saw the blonde give a wan smile. "I guess you're right, but still," he sighed. "His birthday is in two days. I can't believe he's going to be a year old."

He smiled, watching as Arthur puffed up with pride at the mention of his son. "You love him," he found himself stating. "So why should you care what your father thinks?"

"Because one day, Mordred is going to find out about what happened and I don't know how he'll react. What if he hates me? He's so attached to Morgana that sometimes I don't think he likes me. But I'd do anything to make sure he and Morgana are both happy," he leaned back on his bed. "Sometimes I don't know what's going on in that little head of his."

"Well, nothing because he's a baby."

"Not helping, Merlin."

He grinned, feeling a bit better that Arthur smiled too. "I'm sure Mordred does love you; you are his father, after all," he continued. "But since he sees Morgana more, then he's probably more used to her than you at this moment."

"Hm, I guess you're right."

He stood up, looking at his phone. "Well, I need to start on some homework. Morgana said I could come to the party on Saturday, is that alright?" Arthur nodded as he started towards the door. He paused at the opening, turning around. "And…if you ever want to talk…I'm a good listener."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Arthur wasn't looking at him so he wasn't sure if the blonde was being serious, but he left anyway. The walk to his room was quiet and uneventful until a hand dragged him into a darkened room. He struggled, feeling Uther's hot breath on the back of his neck. "There you are, Merlin," the older man breathed. "I haven't seen you all afternoon."

"Please," he struggled. "Not here. Not now!"

He felt the man tug his trousers down, grabbing his penis tightly. He stroked if several times until it was half hard. He heard a bottle pop open and he turned his head to see what it was. Uther was coating the stuff on his own member. "Since you've been a good boy, I got some lubricant," he stuck two fingers inside him, earning a groan from Merlin. "Shhh, just relax."

"No!"

His fingers reached deeper inside him and he gasped when the intruder brushed something inside him that sent waves of pleasure through is body. His cock twitched, becoming harder by the minute. Uther then removed his fingers, forcing him to bend over so he could get into a better position. He could feel bile rising in his throat at the thought of what was to come and closed his eyes.

It hurt, but he found he was slowly becoming used to the pain. The lubricant made it better, but there was still a burning pain in his arse. Uther grunted, thrusting into him over and over again, pumping his own length in time with his thrusts.

"Come on, you little slut," Uther groaned in his ear. "I know you enjoy this."

"N…Noo!"

"Don't lie; I know you dream about me touching you. You fantasize about me doing you that you touch yourself, imagining that it's me touching you."

"Y…You're…sick!"

"Shut up, slut!"

He placed a hand over his mouth, continuing to thrust into him. Merlin just continued to struggle, more tears streaking down his cheeks. When Uther finally pulled out of him, he sunk down onto his knees, staring at the floor in shame.

The older man was right; he was a whore."

* * *

**(Saturday, September 12, 2:30 p.m.)**

"Thanks for coming to the party, Merlin."

Merlin looked over to Vivienne, who was now cleaning up the plates of cake and silver wear from the table. Mordred was still eating his cake, or rather, putting it on his face, hair, and much to his humor, on Arthur. The blonde didn't look upset; merely amused that the baby decided he needed frosting on him. Morgana smirked evilly while filming the whole thing, sharing a look with her half-sister, Morgause.

He returned his attention back to Vivienne, nodding his head and putting on a polite smile. "I'm glad I could come," he answered, picking up some plates and following her into the kitchen. "Mordred is a very adorable child."

She relaxed now, smiling gently. "He is, isn't he?" she looked towards her two daughters and grandson fondly. "The circumstances may have been bad, but I'm glad he's here."

He placed the dishes in the dishwasher, not meeting her eyes. "Why didn't you tell Morgana that Arthur was her half-brother?" he asked, hoping that he didn't sound rude. "I mean, all of the drama could have been avoided."

She nodded slowly, black curls coming undone from her ponytail as she did. "I know you must think ill of me and I don't blame you," she began softly. "But please know that I had Morgana's best interest in mind. She would constantly ask as a child who her real father was since Gorlois died two months after Morgause was born. I didn't want her to know then and I didn't think it mattered at the time. That was selfish thinking on my part and I know now I should have told her then."

"I don't think badly of you," he put more dishes in the wash, not looking at her at the moment. "You obviously love your family and didn't want them to be upset, it's reasonable."

"You're very sweet," she smiled, patting his shoulder. He twitched in response, which caused her to frown in confusion. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh, no," he lied, smiling reassuringly. "I'm just not a very touchy-feely kind of guy."

"I see," she didn't look convinced, instead she looked suspicious. "So, how are you getting along with your new family?"

"Arthur and I got off on a rocky start at first," he leaned against the counter casually, still smiling politely. "But we're starting to get along. Not quite there yet, but getting there."

"And Uther?"

He practically wanted to wipe the false smile off his face, but he lied anyway, trying to push down the shame. "We get along," he could still see the look of suspicion on her face, but it was relaxing now. "I didn't care for him at first, but he makes Mum happy."

"That's good," she murmured. "That's very good."

"Mhm."

He stepped away from the counter, starting to head back into the room. "Merlin," she grabbed his arm gently, pressing a small slip of paper into his hand. "If you ever need to talk, about anything at all, my number is here. Feel free to talk at any time."

He raised an eyebrow at this, but accepted it anyway. "Thank you Mrs. Le Fey," he said before joining the others in the living room. Even as he watched Mordred put more cake in his mouth, the feeling of shame still coursed through him. Maybe Mrs. Le Fey knew more than she let on. Could it be that she suffered by the hands of Uther as well?

* * *

_Be my friend,_

_Hold me,_

_Wrap me up,_

_Unfold me,_

_I am small and needy,_

_Warm me up,_

_And Breathe me_

_~Breathe me by Sia~_

**Geeze Merlin cannot catch a break. Well, review! **


	6. Mad World

_**Author's note:** Ugh, more of Merlin's suffering. I know I've gotten questions about why Merlin hasn't totally shut himself off yet, but it hasn't fully happened yet for a reason. My reasoning is, is that he has a strong will. Yes, the trauma is starting to sink in, but he is trying very hard to put on an act that everything is okay. Slowly, but surely, this is starting to break him. People don't always break so quickly, so that's why it's happening gradually. Hope you all can stick with this, because I might be putting this story into two parts. I will have a bit more free time now because I just graduated high school (Wooh!), and that was a big thing. No school till this fall! I'm so excited to start college!_

_**Warnings:** None_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for minor OCs._

_Children waiting for the day they feel good,_

_Happy birthday, Happy birthday,_

_Made to feel the way that every child should,_

_Sit and listen, sit and listen,_

_Went to school and I was very nervous,_

_No one knew me, no one knew me,_

_Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson,_

_Look right through me,_

_Look right through me_

_**(Merlin's p.o.v)**_

"I'm having a skateboard tournament this Saturday. You guys have to be there!"

Thursday afternoon at the end of September was a dreary day. The rain poured down on the ground harshly, tapping the windows in a rather violent matter. Merlin stared moodily out the window of the cafeteria, listening to Elena chatter on about the event she had planned this weekend. While he was usually more than happy to hear his friend's conversation, he wasn't in the mood today. His stomach hurt. Well, everything hurt, actually. Uther had been merciless last night and he was hurting more than usual.

His mother had noticed this morning and she though he should stay home from school today, but he declined. Uther would be at home today and his mother would be out talking with some of her new friends. The last thing he needed was to be used by Uther all day. Yet, he felt ill. He didn't have a fever, but he felt nauseous.

"Merlin? Merlin, are you listening?"

"Hm?" he asked, looking away from the window. "Yes, I'm listening Elena."

Mithian frowned, leaning forward from her spot in Elena's arms. "You look kind of pale," she concluded. "Do you want to go see the nurse? She's just down the hall; we would have no problem taking you."

"Mithy's right," Freya nodded, looking at him shyly. "If you're not well, you should go lie down in her office. It's no problem."

"I'm fine," he said firmly. "It's just the weather."

"Just the weather?" Elena asked skeptically. "I'm in a good mood and the weather isn't bothering me. Fess up; what's got your goat?"

"Nothing."

"Merlin, don't lie. We're your friends. You can tell us anything."

His gut wrenched at her words and for a split second, he wanted to tell her everything. God knows he wanted to tell someone, but what would they say? _"They would call you a whore,"_ Uther's voice whispered in his ear. _"Because that's what you are. A filthy whore that no one would believe. If they saw the way you acted during sex, they would never believe you."_

"Merlin, you're spacing off again!" Will's voice snapped him back into reality. "Seriously, what's with you? You've been kind of spacing out all week."

"Merlin, please tell us!" Freya pleaded. "I don't like seeing you upset. If it's something we did, then we apologize. I…I don't like seeing you upset!"

"For the love of God, I'm fine!" he snapped, the irritating fact that he couldn't tell them was more painful than the shocked expressions on their faces. "Quit nagging at me; it's getting annoying. I'm fine, okay?"

Their whole table went silent, both Mithian and Elena looking rather shocked at his outburst while Will looked annoyed. Freya shrunk down, biting her lower lip with embarrassment. "I…I'm sorry," she whispered before glancing towards the door. "I should get going…I need to finish something for…uh, English."

She took off, her books clutched tightly in her arms and her head lowered as she retreated out the cafeteria doors. When all eyes were on him, the guilt slammed into him. "Wow," was all Will could muster, shaking his head in bewilderment. "You didn't have to be a dick about it."

He placed his head in his hands, shaking it slowly. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, picturing Freya's embarrassed and sad face. "I didn't mean to snap. I just have been having an off week. Mum hasn't been feeling well and it's been kind of stressing me out."

"It's alright," Mithian offered carefully, though she still looked guarded. Elena looked rather annoyed, but didn't say anything. Mithian glanced at her before continuing. "You need to apologize to Freya. She's not used to getting snapped at like that."

"Yeah," Will nodded in agreement. "If you snap at her again like that, I won't hesitate to punch you."

Oddly, Merlin found himself believing the boy. While Will's feelings for Freya weren't a secret, he still didn't want the boy mad at him. "I'll go find her," he got up, grabbing his bag and sliding it over his shoulder. "I'll see you guys in class, okay?"

"Alright," Mithian nodded, Elena still ignoring him. "See ya."

He didn't blame them for being upset with him; he really didn't. He trudged slowly through the hallway, shame and guilt swimming in his stomach. He shouldn't have snapped at Freya like that. He wouldn't be surprised if she didn't want to talk to him for a while. "I'm an idiot," he grumbled, shaking his head. _"And a whore,"_ Uther's voice added, and he pressed a hand to his forehead.

"Shut up," he hissed. "Just shut up!"

"Merlin, why are you telling the air to shut up?"

He jumped at Arthur's voice, turning around to see the blonde prat with his arm around Gwen, who was looking at him curiously. He flushed bright pink when she gave a smile and when Arthur smirked at him. "Do you still have an imaginary friend?"

"No!" he protested, Arthur snickering as he did. "Why would I?"

"Well, people say talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity. Isn't that right, Gwen?"

Gwen just punched him lightly, an amused smile on her face. "Be nice, Arthur. But yes, you are right, but I doubt that Merlin is going insane."

"Well, you never know. Maybe we should get him checked in."

He rolled his eyes at Arthur's teasing. He didn't feel offended by it, but a part of him felt sick. Arthur had no idea of what his father was doing to him. Would he still joke like this if he did? He pushed the thought back, swallowing hard. "Have you two seen Freya?"

"No," Arthur said. "Why?"

"Now that I think about it," Gwen mused, thinking hard. "I think I saw her heading towards the Orchestra room a few minutes ago. She looked like she was going to cry."

"That is kind of my fault," he admitted sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I snapped at her when I shouldn't have. I've been trying to find her to apologize."

"Well I hope you do," Arthur was all seriousness now; something kind of unusual to see. "She really is a nice girl. Sad history; but incredibly nice."

"What happened?"

"Maybe we shouldn't say," Gwen murmured, worried now. "It's not our place to say. It might upset her and I don't want that."

"Hm, I guess you're right. Well, never mind then, Merlin."

He sighed, bidding the two of them goodbye before taking off towards the Orchestra room. He sighed in relief when he saw Freya. She was the only one in the room, her bow strumming the deep strings of the cello with grace, not a single scratch could be heard. When she noticed him standing in the room, she paused, looking at him timidly. "Um, I'm sorry," she apologized softly. "I didn't mean to make you upset."

"I'm the one who should apologize," he took the seat next to her, looking down at the ground. "I shouldn't have been so rude. I'm so sorry, Freya."

She smiled, the look on her face brightening. He wouldn't deny it; he loved her smile. It was an infectious kind; the one that made you want to instantly like her. It was a shame that she didn't smile more often. It was no surprise that Will had feelings for him. If he could find a guy who could smile like that, he would be the happiest man in the world.

"_Like anyone would love you after the things you've done."_

He inwardly winced at the voice in his head, wanting nothing more than for it to go away. Freya stared at him. "Merlin?"

"Yes?"

"Are you sure…that you don't want to talk about anything?"

"Of course I am; what are you talking about?"

"It's just that," she stared at her lap, the bow glistening the lamplight. "You've been acting funny all week. You're looking really pale. Are you sleeping alright? Are you under the weather?"

He wanted to tell her; God he wanted to. He wanted to throw himself into her lap and cry. She was right' he hadn't been sleeping well. With Uther coming into his room at the same time every night, he couldn't sleep. And whenever Uther was done, he still couldn't sleep. He used to be able to sleep for nine hours and that had been reduced to six. It wasn't healthy, yet what could he do?

"I've been focusing so hard on school," he lied, trying to believe in the lie himself. "And my mother's been getting a little sick, so I've been really worried."

"What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know," he replied, shaking his head. "She's been so tired lately. She goes to bed right after dinner usually and this has been totally new. She claims that she hasn't been feeling well. I think she should go to a doctor, but what if she's dying?"

"Merlin!" she grabbed his hand. "Don't even think about that!"

"What if it's true?" he could feel his heart beating rapidly now; knowing full well a panic attack was coming on. He'd been receiving those quite a bit nowadays. "She's the only parent I have left! I don't want her to leave me!"

"Merlin," she soothed, setting her cello down to hug him as he began to wipe the tears from his eyes. "Your mother probably just has the cold or flu. If she gets seriously sick, then the hospital will take care of her. Uther would get her the best doctor in the world; I know he would."

"I'm sorry," he finished wiping the tears away. "Ever since my Dad died, I've always had the fear of losing her and being alone. I don't want to be alone."

"And you won't ever be alone," she grasped his hand tightly. "You have me, Will, Elena, Mithian, Gwen, and even Arthur. We're here for you."

"Thanks," he laughed, the first real laugh he'd let out in weeks. "You're a good friend, Freya. Will is a very lucky guy."

She flushed bright pink. "Merlin!"

"Well it's true. You two totally like each other."

She looked down at her hands. "I don't see why he'd like me. I'm nothing special. He deserves someone better."

"Freya," he said her name firmly, looking into her dark eyes. "Why would you say that?"

"Because I'd just burden him. You probably don't know this, but Will has been my best friend since Primary school. My parents," she swallowed hard, staring intensely at her cello. "They didn't want me. They hurt me. They neglected me to the point where I had to be in the hospital. Will, he was the only one who visited me. Even when I got out and had to live in a foster home, he would still visit."

"That sounds awful," he squeezed her hand tightly. "I'm sorry. What assholes your parents were."

"They were," she murmured. "I love my foster family, I really do, but it was agony living there for a long time. Living with a family that wasn't broken was too much during the first few years. If Will hadn't been there, things would have been hopeless. I…I don't want to lose him, Merlin. If I tell him my feelings, it might be too much."

"Freya," he took her by the shoulders. "If you don't tell him, then you really will lose him. You need to admit your feelings for him or else you'll regret not ever telling him; wondering for the rest of your life what could have been. Will won't hurt you if he doesn't reciprocate the feelings. You two are so close that he wouldn't even think about it."

"You think so?"

"I know so," he knew that Will would return the feelings; the way he looked at Freya was obvious. Will just wanted to find a way to ask her out in an impressive way, though while adorable, and was also a bit ridiculous. "That's why you need to tell him. Besides, maybe he will return the feelings."

She smiled, the blush returning. "I want to go to the Fall dance with him," her blush darkened. "If he asks me."

"If he doesn't, then you ask him."

"I can do that?"

"Of course you can. More power to you."

The bell rang, signaling that lunch was over. More students came filing into the room, grabbing their instruments and music before sitting down. He hurried over to his seat with his guitar in hand, the conductor, Ms. Helen Mora. A beautiful and talented young woman who had quick wit. He loved her class; even more than all his other classes. She appreciated the classics of any era, always telling them that every type of music is important and unique in its own way. He sat near Will and the percussion set and right across from Mithian, making it very easy to make faces at her; something she despised, but never told him to stop.

However, today, he didn't feel like it. The nausea had worsened throughout the class, making it harder for him to pay attention. He knew that a few other people had noticed, yet they didn't say anything about it. If he could keep it together until after school, he wouldn't have any problems.

Unfortunately, that wasn't going to happen.

Everything was going smoothly until History class. He sat there, listening to the Professor drag on about the Ottoman Empire when his stomach lurched. He knew he couldn't hold it back now and raised his hand. The teacher looked annoyed about having to be interrupted, but by this point, he didn't care.

"Yes, Mr. Pendragon, what is it?"

"Can I use the restroom sir? I swear it will be quick."

"Fine, but be back quickly. You'll need the rest of the notes for the upcoming quiz next week."

He nodded a quick thanks and took off towards the restroom, barely making it into the stall when he threw up. He heaved heavily, hot tears burning his eyes as vomit dripped down his mouth and chin. His throat burned and he brought up a hand in an attempt to soothe it, but that only helped a little.

"Crap," he choked out, the nausea quickly returning. "I feel awful."

"_I want Mum," _a childlike voice, his voice, ran through his mind. _"I want Mummy! Why can't she help me?"_

"_She doesn't want you," _Uther's voice was like nails on a chalk board. _"If she found out that you were the reason her marriage failed, she'd hate you. You are not her son. You're a stupid whore."_

"I'm not a whore," he curled up against the stall, hands over his ears. "I'm not a whore. I'm not a whore. I'm not a whore."

"_Don't lie to yourself. If people knew how you were like in bed; moaning like a wanton whore…how do you think they would react? You act like a victim, but you're a pathetic slut that likes cock. No one would love you after finding out the things you've done."_

He crawled back toward the toilet, heaving again. He threw up three more times after that before the nausea finally went away. He didn't know how much time had passed, but he found he didn't care. He just leaned against the toilet, holding his head in his hands. Never before in his life had he felt so helpless. The lying, the pretending he was okay, the constant rape…how much more could he take?

"What should I do, Da?" he asked, trying to think of his father. "I don't know what to do. I…I'm so alone. I don't want to be alone."

He stood up, knowing he wasn't going to get an answer. He flushed the toilet, scrubbing his hands vigorously at the skin and wiped his face. He still didn't feel a hundred percent better, but he had to keep going. Class was finishing up by the time he got back, the professor looking very annoyed as he handed him the notes for the rest of the hour. When the bell rang, he was surprised when the adult pulled him by his arm gently.

"You were gone for a while," the professor began. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh, my stomach hurt a little," he half-lied. "I needed to keep my head down."

"Do you want to go see the nurse?"

"Oh, I'm fine now. Thanks for asking. I'll be sure to give you the notes by the end of the day."

He took off towards the locker rooms, his legs feeling numb for some reason. Actually, if he was honest with himself, everything felt numb. He felt cold on the outside, not the kind that would make people shiver, but the one that filled people with icey dread. He felt sick, and he didn't like the feeling. All the other guys in the locker room were laughing, making jokes and such, but he didn't join in. He just changed quickly and stepped out to run laps with the other students.

"Keep running!" Coach Helios shouted, blowing a whistle every time someone would pause. "I don't want walking; I want jogging! Now!"

He felt Arthur pass him, and he quickly noticed his flexing muscles. He blushed, shaking the thought from his mind. Yes, Arthur was handsome. Unbearably handsome, but he needed to get those thoughts out his mind. Arthur was with Gwen and they were happy. He didn't need to fuck anything else up in his life. And they were step-brothers for God's sake! Who in their right mind would remind themselves about how beautiful their step-siblings were?

"_The numbness must be getting to my head, _he thought to himself, trying to keep going. _"I need to keep running…I'll fall behind if I don't."_

His steps were becoming heavier and heavier by the second. The voices around him muddled and disoriented; not sounding like they were supposed to. His face felt heavy as if someone was poking him with needles and it felt cold.

"Merlin? Merlin, are you alright?"

Someone was speaking to him, but he couldn't really hear them. He could hear something fall to the floor, but wasn't aware of what it was. Everything went dark for a few seconds before he opened his eyes, people standing around him looking…concerned. What was going on?

"Stand back people!" Helios barged his way through the crowd, leaning down to look at him. "Pendragon, do you feel alight?"

No, was what he wanted to say, but his mouth felt to heavy and dry to open. Instead, he just kind of blinked and opened his mouth. Not surprisingly, nothing came out. Helios just sighed, muttering something about stressed out and sick teenagers before calling out. "Pendragon, come get your step-brother and take him to the infirmary. I don't want him throwing up on my floor!"

"Can do!"

He felt a pair of arms lift him up, one hand under his knees and the other supporting his upper back. He knew it was Arthur; he could smell his cologne that he always wore. It felt comforting, actually, though he couldn't explain why. Just being around Arthur felt reassuring; like he was someone he could trust. That was foolish thinking because if Arthur found out about Uther, he would hate him and never speak with him again.

"If you weren't feeling well, you should have stayed home," Arthur scolded, not sounding angry, but rather…worried. "You sure can cause a scene."

"Thanks," he mumbled, the world spinning around him. "Real helpful."

"You're welcome," Arthur retorted, having no trouble with carrying him around the building. The gym was pretty far from the nurse's office, so they would walk past several classrooms. Merlin wanted to crawl into the ground.

"I can walk," he said, hoping Arthur would put him down. "I don't need help."

"Absolutely not, "Arthur grounded, his grip becoming firmer. "You're not feeling well. The last thing we need is for you to pass out in the hall and for someone to come and molest you in the hallway."

He tensed up unintentionally, but he wasn't sure if Arthur noticed or not. Arthur did give him a funny look, but then shrugged. "See? Doesn't the thought of someone coming after you scare you?" he asked and Merlin felt the urge to just shout out about what his father was doing to him, but kept silent.

"I think anyone would be scared," he admitted. "Rape is an awful thing."

"Wouldn't know," Arthur replied. "But it sure sounds like hell."

"Yeah…."

They continued on in silence, ignoring the stares they got from a few people in the hallway. He could see Vivian raise an eyebrow at him, a small smirk forming on her face as she gave a little wave. He didn't wave back, too creeped out by the look in her eyes. He hadn't spoken to her since the day at her house and quite frankly, he wasn't ready to. How could she possibly know about the things going on in the Pendragon home?

"Vivian sure is weird."

"Yes," he nodded. "She's unusually perceptive."

"Finally, someone who agrees. I guess you're not so much of an idiot as I thought you were."

"Yet you're still as much of a clot pole," Merlin rolled his eyes, a smile creeping onto his face. "And a prat too."

"Are you ever going to tell me what a clot pole is?"

"Two words."

"What?"

"Arthur Pendragon."

Arthur rolled his own eyes. "Very funny, Merlin. Maybe you should enter clown college. They might find your humor useful."

"Oh no," he protested. "There are too many people applying. How would I ever get in?"

"Haha, very funny."

The prat set him down on a bed in the nurse's office, an elderly woman about his uncle's age appearing. "What seems to be the problem?" she asked, looking gat him carefully. "Fever?

"No," Arthur answered. "He passed out in gym. Actually, he hasn't been feeling well all day. My step-mother said he should stay home, but he refused because he's an idiot."

As much as Arthur's words should have hurt, they didn't. A while ago they might have, but he was slowly beginning to realize that teasing was how Arthur showed affection and concern. It was a bit crude, but still rather touching, to be honest.

"Should have stayed home, young man," the nurse agreed. "Since there is only one class left, I'll keep you here till the rest of the day, alright?"

Truth be told, staying in the nurse's office was a whole lot better than returning home. Or, in his opinion, his own personal hell.

* * *

_All around me are familiar faces,_

_Worn out places, worn out faces,_

_Bright and early for their daily races,_

_Going nowhere,_

_Going nowhere_

_~Mad World by Gray Jules_

**Review please! **


	7. He's hurting me

_**Author's note:** Sorry for the delay! I needed to think about a few things for this story (plot wise), but I won't abandon it. Thank you for all the reviews! You guys are too kind for words and everything you say warms my heart. Maybe that sounds cheesy, but I do appreciate it! I got hooked on Once Upon a Time, so I've been catching up with that, but I will be updating again soon. Feel free to nag at me all you want, but make sure not to make threats! Sometimes writer's need a little prodding and nudging to get chapters up XD_

_**Warnings:** Rape_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for minor OCs_

_I've never been confronted with my own thoughts,_

_They don't bother me when I'm alone,_

_Can you come over and save me 'cause he won't stop,_

_And get him off his fucking throne,_

_**(Merlin's p.o.v)**_

"Please, go away. I want to sleep."

He kept his eyes closed as Uther crawled over to him, placing kisses on the back of his neck. He moved away, glaring intently at the pillow that lay under his chin. The older man ignored him, spreading his legs so he could put his knee between them. "You would have more fun if you would stop resisting," he commented, thumbing the head of his cock. "I know you would."

"Just leave me alone!" he begged. "Go back to my mother! Just leave me be!"

"But I want you too," the older man held both their cocks in one hand, rubbing them together. Merlin couldn't stop the gasp that came out of his mouth and he placed a hand over his mouth to keep from making noise. Uther looked beyond pleased with himself, groaning a little. "Don't be ashamed of the noises; let them out. I think they're adorable."

He shook his head, hand still over his mouth. "Just leave me alone," he begged again. "I…I don't love you."

Uther shoved him forcefully down on the mattress, straddling him and one hand reaching under his shirt to play with his nipples. "And how many times do I have to tell you?" he asked, eyes gleaming in the darkness. "I love you. And I love Hunith, Arthur, and even Morgana."

"And Mordred? Do you love him?"

Uther stopped his ministrations with his nipples, eyes now going wide. "How did you find out about Mordred?" he asked, voice now low. "Who told you?"

"Morgana and Arthur. I went to his birthday party. What are you going to do, hit me?" he asked, almost sneering. "It's not like you haven't before."

"If I hit you, it will leave marks," Uther paused, thinking hard. For a few minutes, Uther didn't say anything. Merlin shifted uncomfortably, the heat from the man's penis very hard against his own. Before he could even blink, Uther flipped him over, pulling his pants down, and pushed himself fully in. He choked a scream, the pain of being stretched making tears fall from his eyes.

"Stop," he pleaded. "Stop, stop, stop, it hurts!"

Uther pulled out a little before pushing himself back in with enough force to shake the bed. He did this several more times before speaking. "You have made me very upset, Merlin," the older man spat, pushing himself in again. "You're lucky I'm taking this out on you and not Morgana and Arthur."

The thought of him hurting Morgana and Arthur filled him with dread. Would Uther hurt his own children? He'd never seen the man be cruel towards his son, but that didn't mean he knew everything that went on in this household. What if he was hurting Arthur behind closed doors? What if Arthur was suffering in silence just like he was? The thought of Arthur being hurt, even if they weren't quite friends yet, filled him with a sickening feeling.

When Uther released inside of him, he was pulled back into reality. The man picked up his trousers, fastening them again before storming out of the room. He lay on his bed, staring numbly at the ceiling. Semen dripped out of his arse, and he knew that it was staining the sheets, but he couldn't find himself to care. Most times, after Uther was done with him, he would cry and head towards the bathroom. Yet, this time, he couldn't feel anything.

He jolted from his bed, running towards the toilet and let everything in his stomach out. His throat burned; only the soothing drink of cold water quenching it. He stared at his reflection in the mirror. He looked hollow. Dark bags stuck out from under his eyes, making his dark blue eyes seem dull and lifeless. He looked under his shirt, noticing that he'd lost more weight. He was eating; he made sure that he kept up the appearance of being fine, but when Uther was done with him for the night, it would all come out. He felt so weak. So pathetic.

"Pathetic whore," he snapped at his reflection. "Stupid, pathetic whore."

He then crawled back into bed, staring numbly at the wall till he fell asleep. While most teens would stay up on a Saturday night, Merlin did not. Come Sunday morning, despite the rape that had happened, he woke up feeling refreshed, yet very tired. He hopped into the shower, letting the cold water drip down his body in an attempt to wake him up. By the time he was dressed and down stairs for breakfast, he could tell something was different.

"What's going on?" he asked as he sat down, noticing the extra fancy table wear being used.

His mother smiled at him, pouring some coffee for him. "Today is Arthur's birthday," she said, nodding her head. "Seems a lot of people you know were born in October."

"Not by choice though," Arthur retorted, smirking a little. "Morgana's birthday is on the twenty-third, so we're not that far apart."

"And how old are you now?" Merlin asked, biting into his pancakes. "Seventeen?"

"Yup," Arthur replied. "And you're birthday is in January, right?"

"January first," he replied. "The start of the New Year."

The table went silent, until Uther spoke up from his coffee. "I have some news that I would like to announce," he took his mother's hand. "Hunith and I are going on a small honeymoon like trip."

Both boys glanced at each other and then to their respective parent. "To where?" Arthur asked, when he realized Merlin wasn't going to say anything. "France?"

"Oh no," Hunith laughed. "We're going to Florence, Italy. I've been talking about going there and I think it sounds like a fun idea."

"We'll be back by November first," Uther replied. "We'll be leaving by tomorrow morning when you boys head off to school. But, enough about our trip. Arthur, happy birthday!"

He gave his son a quick hug, ruffling his silky blonde hair. Arthur shook his head, putting his hair back in place with a faux annoyed look. His mother smiled and Merlin couldn't help but find the other boy's annoyance funny. Still, his heart beat in anticipation of the man about to leave for a few weeks. At least a few days without Uther coming into his room; a few weeks of peace. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing.

"So what do you have planned for today?" his mother asked, leaning forward to look at the two of them. "Anything special planned today?"

"Just hanging out with some friends," Arthur grinned, buttering his toast. "I'm sure Merlin would like to come along."

Merlin paused, the toast in his hand just hanging there. "Me? Come along? Are you sure you'd want that?"

"Of course," Arthur scoffed, adding jam now to his bread. "We're friends now, aren't we? And don't friends hang out?"

"I guess," he found himself flushing and could practically feel the radiation his mother's smile was giving off. "Where are we going?"

"To the park."

"The park?"

"Yes, the park. Did you not hear me the first time?"

"Now boys; don't fight," his mother reprimanded, pouring more tea into her China teacup. "But I'm glad to see you two spending more time together. We're becoming more like a family every day."

"I agree," Uther smiled at her, then towards his son. "And I have another surprise to share."

"What?" Arthur asked, his mouth still full of toast.

Uther made a face at that, but otherwise didn't comment. "We're going to be visiting my parents in Spain for Christmas. Won't that be fun? Christmas in Spain!"

His mother's eyes lit up, and she had to set down her teacup to contain her excitement. "Your parents? That's wonderful! I was so disappointed that they couldn't come to the wedding. It'll be nice to finally meet them."

"I agree."

Arthur pushed back his chair, kissing his step-mother on the cheek. "Well we better get going; don't want to keep everyone waiting. You coming, Merlin?"

"Yeah!"

It was a nice gathering, if was to be honest with himself. Arthur's friends were nice, and it was a wonder how they could put up with Arthur's arrogance. Even Morgana showed up. She didn't bring Mordred, but he was kind of glad she didn't. He was not sure if Gwen knew about the baby boy or not. If she did, then maybe she had already accepted that it was an accident. The two seemed to be pretty close friends.

Gwaine and Percival were rather loud, Gwaine snogging his boyfriend whenever he could. Elyan, who was a quiet, yet sensible young man sat near Leon, who was sitting rather closely to Morgana. Arthur was, of course, with Gwen, who sat in his arms as they enjoyed their picnic. It was all Gwen's idea, and though it was rather girly, Arthur told her it was lovely and a wonderful idea. Merlin sat with Lancelot, who would subtly stare at Gwen.

"You like her," he whispered to the young man of Spanish descent. "How long have you liked her?"

"Since Freshman year," Lancelot whispered back softly. "But it doesn't matter; she likes Arthur. They're happy together."

"But-"

"No, Merlin," Lancelot smiled softly. "It's for the best. Gwen and Arthur are two of my best friends. I would never do anything that would upset them. I'm not that type of person. What's done is done. My heart wants to be with Gwen and love her, but she loves Arthur. As long as I can remain in her presence, well then, that's enough for me."

That statement sounded so miserable, and as he lay on his bed that night, he couldn't help but think about the tall Spanish man. He put aside his own feelings for Gwen just so she could be happy. Out of all the Knights, it was no wonder that they all called him the most noble and selfless. In a way, Lancelot reminded him of himself and the situation at hand. His mother's happiness depended on him. If he wanted her to be safe and happy, then he would keep quiet.

"_Just a little longer," _he said to himself, blinking up at the ceiling. _"In a year or so, I'll be in college. Uther won't be able to touch me there. I…I can hold on…I have to hold on…"_

Much to his relief, Uther was too busy packing and making sure him and his mother's trip was all mapped out and ready. That would mean he was too busy to come in and molest him. Besides, a whole two weeks without Uther? This was almost too good to be true.

The week passed on slowly, but not uneventfully. Elena got detention for skipping math, which was entirely surprising. Mythian almost had a panic attack when she thought someone stole her viola and their teacher had the entire class spend fifteen minutes looking for it. Will and Freya continued to dance around their feelings for each other and Arthur? Well, he was just being plain weird. Ever since he'd gotten home from his birthday celebration, he'd been quiet. Normally Merlin could read people pretty well, but Arthur was a mystery to him. It was hard to know what he was thinking about sometimes.

Even Gwen was starting to notice, but she didn't bug him about it. She did share with him that she was worried about her boyfriend, but he told her it was probably just the copious amount of schoolwork that was being passed around.

Saturday started out to be a relatively calm day. A cold front was coming in, the rain patting down on the window harshly, creating an echo that resounded in his ear. When Arthur came into the sunroom, he jumped, guitar almost falling out of his lap and face turning red. "I didn't hear you come in!" he exclaimed, setting the instrument down. "What is it?"

Arthur almost looked embarrassed. "As much as I hate to interrupt your annoying strummings," he made a face at Arthur's tone of voice. How dare he compare his talent to mere strumming of strings! "But Morgana and her friends are going shopping today. I was wondering…"

"What?"

"If you'd like to help me babysit."

He stared at him for several seconds before a laugh broke past his lips. It felt relieving, as if a pressure had been lifted and sent out into the air. Arthur glared at him defiantly, a rose pink hue dancing across his cheeks. "Quit laughing like a girl!" the blonde snapped defensively. "Will you help me or not?"

"Sure," he answered. "This should be good. Does he get fussy?"

"No," Arthur glanced towards the driveway, where Morgana was getting the small child out of the car. "But it's his stare. Jesus, if looks could kill, his will one day."

"Well, you have a point there, but he is a good kid."

Arthur crossed his arms, scowling. "That's because he likes you. Far better than he likes me."

Merlin stood up, putting his guitar back in its case. "You're his father; of course he loves you. Maybe try spending more time with him? I remember Mum telling me that I was closer to her as a baby, but the older I got, I would hang around my Dad more."

"I just think he's more like Morgana," Arthur crossed his arms as Morgana walked up towards the house. "He can't even talk yet, but what if he wants nothing to do with me when he's older? Uther doesn't even want him in the house half the time."

"Well Uther isn't here right now, but Mordred is," Merlin narrowed his eyes. "And if you don't want him to grow up not really knowing his father, then spend time with him now so you won't have to regret it later."

Arthur blinked at him before a smirk grew on his face. "Wow Merlin, who knew you could say something so wise. Maybe you shouldn't even be at Camelot high."

"Well, my knowledge is quite astounding, if I don't say so myself."

Arthur gave him a light swat on the head, walking away while he talked. "Careful Merlin, your head will swell up if you keep talking like that."

"Not as big as yours!"

Morgana didn't stay for long, giving Merlin a kiss on the cheek and Arthur a pat on the back. Mordred reached out towards her, letting out a pitiful whimper. The blonde prat stared at the baby for a few minutes before picking him, placing him on his hip. The whimpering stopped, the boy's blue eyes looking at him curiously.

"Does he have any toys?" he asked, taking the baby from Arthur. "It'll keep him entertained so he won't start crying for his Mum."

Mordred just let out a little sigh as Arthur nodded and headed off to another room. He sat with the small child on the couch, bouncing him on his knee. Apparently Mordred liked this, letting out a baby laugh that lit up his eyes. The more he looked at them, the more he realized they were as bright and sharp as Arthur's.

"Here we go," Arthur brought back a small tub of baby toys, setting them on the ground. "Morgana said she fed him before she left, so we don't need to feed him right away."

He took the baby from him and set him down on his blanket. Mordred immediately grabbed a rubber duck, ignoring all the other colorful toys he could have grabbed. Arthur just shook his head. "He always goes for the duck. I don't know what's so interesting about the damn duck."

Merlin just grinned, taking the duck from the one year old. "Quack, quack, here comes the ducky," he imitated the duck, making it dance around a little. "The little ducky wants to go greet Mordred."

Arthur rolled his eyes, barely managing to hide his smile. "You look like a fool," he put the baby on his lap, Mordred reaching out towards the duck with a laugh. "But you're good with kids."

"Well, babies are very easy to entertain most of the time," Mordred grabbed his finger, examining it with curiosity. "And I want to have kids one day, but I don't think I'd be a good father."

"Why do you say that?"

He paused, his breathing hitching slightly. He couldn't tell Arthur about the rape, even though a part of him screamed at him to. Mordred continued to babble, switching the duck for one of his Fisher Price toys. "I don't know, I guess I think maybe no one would like me enough to have kids with me. I mean, I've done things I'm not proud of and…"

"Let me interrupt you," Arthur cut in, trying to ignore Mordred when he wiggled and smacked him lightly on the face. "When you meet the girl you truly love, or boy, I suppose in your case, then they won't care what you've done. I was a huge bully in middle school, yet Gwen is willing to look past that and help make me a better person. The one you're truly meant to be with doesn't care about what you've done, but whether or not you can change. Besides, what have you done in your life that's bad?"

He just shook his head, a thin smile on his face. "Nothing too bad, really."

"_Other than being shagged by his father," _the voice nagged in his head. _"But he wouldn't like you if he knew that."_

He inwardly blanched at the thought, but continued to wear his fake smile. Mordred kept on playing with his toys quietly before his voice broke the silence. "Daddy."

Both Merlin and Arthur jumped, looking at the child with wide eyes. "Did he just say…?" Arthur started, speechless for once. "Daddy?"

Merlin leaned forward. "Say it again, Mordred."

Mordred just blinked, looking at Arthur with big eyes. "Da," he began, before grabbing the prat's nose. "Daddy!"

"OW!"

And Merlin just doubled over in laughter.

* * *

_Caution; the floor's wet,_

_In here been crying,_

_I don't know why he seems convinced I'm lying,_

_I don't know why he's doing the things he's doing,_

_But he's hurting me_

_~He's hurting me by Maria Mena~_

**Review please!**


	8. Chandelier

_**Author's note:** Here's another update! I can tell that some of you are ready for the Arwen to be over XD I am too, but we can't rush things. We will have more of Arthur's point of view, and see the conflict he's having. I can't just write off Gwen and their relationship, even though I'm not a fan of Arwen. Still, I don't really mind Gwen all to much; I just think her character was boring. I liked her in season one, though._

_**Warnings:**__ Attempted rape_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything but minor OCs_

_Party girls don't get hurt,_

_Can't feel anything; when will I learn?_

_I push it down, push it down,_

_I'm the one for a good time call,_

_Phone's blown' up, ringin' my door bell,_

_I feel the love, feel the love,_

_One, two, three, one, two, drink, drink,_

_One, two, three, one, two, drink, drink,_

_One, two, three, one, two, drink, drink,_

_Throw em' back till I lose count_

_**(Merlin's p.o.v)**_

"So, are you going to Gwaine's party on Saturday?"

He jumped at the sound of Vivian's voice, almost falling out of his chair in the process. Vivian, obviously amused, smirked. "I'll take that as a no," she said, taking out her nail file and started the process of filing the cuticles down. "You should totally come. I hear he found some fancy liquor and I want to try it."

"I don't know," he replied, trying to return his focus back to his assignment. It was another work day, and even though he didn't really feel like working, he knew better than to procrastinate. "I was thinking of spending the day with my friends."

"Boring," she rolled her eyes. "You need to get out more. It's unhealthy to stay cooped up in your house all the time."

He tried to ignore the prickling sensation that ran down his spine when she said that, but it still rang like a warning bell in the back of his mind. "Who said I was staying at home? Mithian's having a small get together as her birthday party and who knows what we'll be doing."

"Oh, her birthday is today, isn't it?" if Vivian cared, she didn't really show it. She was absorbed in the filing of her nails. "Gwaine scared her earlier this morning."

"How?"

She smirked. "Well, he snuck up on her and gave her a huge hug, almost wrinkling her entire uniform," he could imagine that, the image of Mithian's angry and slightly surprised face when the tall man hugged her. That and her obsession with things being neat and organized. "After that, she almost yelled at him. Elena managed to calm her down."

"Of course," he sighed, imagining the scene in his head. "Though I could imagine Elena throwing a fit; not Mithian."

Vivian just clicked her tongue. "You never know; there's more to some people than meets the eye. Everyone has at least a few skeletons in their closets."

"Huh?"

"Do you like my nail polish?" she leaned over, showing him her flashy hot pink nails. "I think they look wonderful. Don't you?"

"I'm not a girl, how would I know?" he asked, shaking his head in bewilderment. "But anyway, when do you want me to come over to your house? Or would you rather come over to mine?"

It still felt weird calling the Pendragon house his, but then again, being a Pendragon now still didn't sit right with him. Vivian stopped looking at her nails, her brown eyes now that of a deer caught in the headlights. "You can't come over right now," she began in a hollow voice. "You can't come over."

"Alright, alright, you didn't need to say it twice," he sighed, wondering how he was going to get this project done. He knew so little about her and she knew so little about him. She wasn't so hostile with him now. Actually, after what went on in her house the last time, she latched onto him. There was something about him that she liked and truth be told, he found a way to connect to her too. He didn't know what it was, but he was sure as hell going to find out. "Anyway, I guess I might come to the party on Saturday."

"Really? That's great!" she beamed, and he was a bit relieved to find that her mood spell was over. "I'm going as a sexy cop. What are you going to be?"

Crap, he didn't know it was going to be a costume party. The last time he'd dressed up for Halloween was when he was eleven. Did he even have anything in his closet that he could throw together last minute? "I don't know," he replied, shaking his head. "I have no idea what I would go as."

"Hey, I know!" she grinned mischievously. "You could go as a stripper!"

"Vivian!"

The bell rang suddenly, with his face still bright red. She giggled, giving his cheek a quick peck before standing up to collect her things. He could hear Elena and Gwaine snickering in the back ground and shot them dirty looks. Gwaine leaped over a desk, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "So, I hear you're coming to my party. Good thing you said yes or I'd have Princess drag you out of the house and to it."

Elena smirked. "Mithian's dressing up as a police officer," he swore the smirk on her face was turning lecherous. "And I'm going as an inmate."

Gwaine raised an eyebrow. "Is there going to be hot lesbian action at my party?"

She whacked him in the gut. "I thought you were gay?" she asked accusingly. "Perverted old man! Anyway, and I think Freya's going as a kitten. No idea about Will, but he'll be there. I know what you should go as!"

"What?"

"A wizard!" she exclaimed, Gwaine nodding in agreement. "You'd be totally cute as Harry Potter."

"I thought you were a lesbian?" he asked teasingly.

"Ughhh, men!" she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Gwaine, why don't you go get Percival to carry off into the sunset and leave?"

"Actually, Perci would be doing the carrying. Have you seen his muscles?" Gwaine's eyes were distant, and now Merlin felt extremely awkward. "Any who, we'll be sitting with you guys at lunch. I have a whole list of alcohol I need you to get, Elena."

He glanced around the classroom, very glad the professor had left the room. "Don't tell you expect us all to get drunk?" he grossed his arms. "I don't get drunk."

"Really? Well Princess does. He's such a light weight."

Elena nodded. "Mithian can drink three beers and still not get drunk. It takes her forever. Probably because she refuses to drink anything except for fancy wines."

Gwaine shrugged his shoulders. "I want you to come, Merlin," his dark eyes twinkled. They literally twinkled! "You're a refreshing addition to our group and even Princess is less of an ass when you're around. Even Gwen can't understand how."

Merlin just flushed. "Okay, I guess I'll go," he noticed Gwaine's smile get even bigger. "But if the police come, I'm out. I am so not having my mother come home next week to find out that I went to a party and the police had to come and break it up."

"Fine," Gwaine sighed dramatically. "But you have to drink a little. What's the point of life if you don't have fun? Maybe you'll find a cute guy and hook up."

Gwaine had no idea how the mere thought of hooking up with someone made him want to wretch.

* * *

"Merlin, are you ready?"

He looked up from the cape he was tying around his neck, glancing towards the door. "Almost, Mithian!" he called back. "I just need to put the cape on!"

"Well hurry up!" Will sounded impatient. "Or we'll leave without you!"

"We will do no such thing!" He could hear Mithian's shocked voice, and a light smacking sound soon followed accompanied by an ow from Will. "We would never leave Merlin; he's one of us now."

"Ow! Damnit, why do you hit so hard?"

"Because you were asking for it."

He took the hat out from the plastic wrapping, placing it on his head. The material was soft under his fingers, a shiny blue with large silver stars decorating the fabric. He looked ridiculous, he admitted that to himself quietly, but found himself grinning broadly in front of the mirror. The first real smile he'd smiled in months. It almost made him want to cry, but a loud knock on the door interrupted him.

"Oi, Merlin, are you done yet? You're not sick are you? If you decide to puke, please aim towards the toilet and put the lid up"

"Elena!"

"What? I'm just setting some rules. This is my house."

Merlin just poked his head out from the door, opening it wider to show them the costume. "Ta-da!" he twirled around, the midnight blue cape shinning under the lamplight. "How do I look?"

"Like a real wizard!" Freya smiled widely, lacing her hands together. "Now we're all ready to go."

He glanced around them, almost wanting to cover Elena up with what she was wearing. Mithian included. Mithian, true to Elena's word, was dressed as a police officer. However, this uniform barely reached down to her thighs and the top exposed quite a bit of her breasts. Elena's was no exception, except her outfit was orange and had thigh high black heeled boots to accompany that outfit.

Mithian flushed red. "This was Elena's idea," she ground out, trying to cover herself with her arms. "We made a bet and I lost."

"This is the best birthday gift ever!" Elena cheered, smirking

"It's not even your birthday!"

He looked towards Will, who was blushing towards Freya. He was a bit relieved she was dressed a bit more modestly, but he honestly couldn't see her in anything scandalous. In a black leotard, skirt, and tights with a tail hooked to the skirt and cat ears placed on the top of her dark head. Cat make up had been added and he wouldn't deny it, she looked cute. Will, dressed as an American football player, was a very lucky man. If only they would stop dancing around their feelings.

"Alright!" Elena cheered. "Let's go to that party and get drunk!"

"Oh no you're not," Mithian grumbled. "You're my ride home. You promised."

"Ugh, fine."

Gwaine's parents' house was huge. A large old Tudor styled home with huge window panes and courtyard that was now crawling with teenagers both from school and from wherever. Gwaine, in a costume that Merlin didn't recognize, sauntered towards them. "Merlin! My two favorite lesbians! Will, Freya! So glad you came! Drinks are in the living room and Leon brought a keg stand that's in the backyard near the pool. Keep your drinks covered and have fun!"

The man danced off, obviously a little tipsy. Percival followed behind him with a pop can in hand, clearly sober enough to keep his boyfriend in line. "Merlin!" Gwen waved from her spot near Arthur, the two of them dancing and very sober. The dark eyed girl smiled. "You must dance with me later! Promise?"

"I promise!" he called back as Gwen returned her attention to her boyfriend.

When he looked to find his friends, he realized that the crowd had become bigger. Elena was dancing; Mithian with a red cup in her hand and dancing so close to her girlfriend that their hips brushed against each other's. Will was with Freya as they talked to two other classmates from school, already hooked into conversation.

So, here he was. Alone.

"Oh well," he murmured to himself. "Might as well have fun."

Two hours and three drinks later, he was starting to feel a sense of vertigo. Alright, he would admit it; he was a little bit tipsy. It would be a good idea to slow down or all together quit for the night and stick to water. A few people were flat out drunk; Gwaine included. They were just as loud as the music, dancing wildly and talking loudly; sounding like they were having a real good time.

He could see Vivian dancing without a care in the world. Blonde hair a little messy, eyes a bit watery. Yes, it was quite obvious she was drunk. In a sparkly silver halter top that ended just above her belly button and tight black shorts that hung dangerously close to her navel, she didn't have a care in the world. A tall, somewhat attractive man, ran his hands over her stomach before dropping to her tiny hips. If she noticed; she didn't care and continued to grind against him.

Turning away from that shameless display, he let everything go. While not exactly the most talented dancer, he knew a few moves. Hands above his head, hips swaying to the beat, he could almost forget where he was. Nothing existed anymore. He didn't exist; Uther didn't exist; only the loud thump of the music and the dancers could still be in this world. And then he found himself lost in them; holding onto dear life with nothing holding him back.

He barely registered the hand that tapped his shoulder, turning around to see an attractive man smiling at him. "Mind if I dance with you?" the young man asked, placing his hands on his hips. "You look like you're having a good time. How can someone so cute be alone?"

"I'm not alone," he slurred lightly. "My friends are with me."

"Mhm, I can see that," the young man smirked. "They must be very good friends."

"They are."

"My name is Luke," the man spoke into his ear, hips pressing against his butt. "What's yours?"

"Merlin," he replied, now doing exactly what Vivian was doing across the room. "Luke's a pretty name. You're pretty."

"Thanks. You're not so bad looking yourself."

They danced, though he couldn't tell for how long. Luke was strong, grinding against him without a care in the world. Merlin smiled, a little too drunk to really care about the hands wandering down his jeans. "You wanna get out of here? Go somewhere a bit more…private?"

"S…sure," he giggled, taking Luke's hand and following him through the crowd of teenagers. Luke's hair almost looked white under the lights, his green eyes like glass. "Where are we going?"

"Upstairs."

After looking through two different rooms, Luke eventually opened up an empty bedroom. The second he closed the door, his lips were pressed against his firmly, tongue sliding into his mouth. Merlin let out a little moan as the blonde's hands squeezed his ass, his mouth opening to allow Luke more access in his mouth. He was pushed back against the bed, falling on it with a little bounce. Luke crawled on top of him, placing kisses down his face to his neck.

He stared up at the ceiling, Luke's lips rather cold against his neck now. The once pleasant sensation now making him uncomfortable. This was familiar; too familiar. "L…Luke," he called out, hands now tangled in the bleached blonde hair. "I…"

"What is it, baby?" Luke's glass green eyes met his. "I want to make you feel good. Can't do that if you're talking."

Green. Green. Green! Uther! Gone was the sight of the young man, replaced with the image of a smiling Uther. No, this was wrong! He didn't want this! "No…" he drawled out, trying to find his voice. "No, stop."

"Don't be a tease," Luke laughed. "I know you want me!"

He was going to be sick. "No!" he said, a bit firmer now. "Get off me! I don't want to do this!"

Luke just frowned. "So you want it a minute ago and now you don't. God, you're such a tease," Luke's hands trailed close to his crotch. "Just trust me, babe, I know what I'm doing."

"Stop! Get off of me!"

"HEY!"

The door had been flung open, the frame of Arthur now in the doorway. He stepped into the room, pulling the blonde off of him. "He said no, so he means no!" Arthur growled. "If you don't want me to call the cops, I suggest you beat it!"

Luke just sneered at the both of them before adjusting his jeans, stalking out of the room in anger. He wasn't the only one. Arthur was on him the minute the other blonde was out of the room. "What were you doing? Trying to get yourself molested? Or worse, raped?"

He blinked in surprise, Uther flashing before his eyes. "I…" he swallowed mouth dry. "I…I wasn't trying to get raped…I didn't mean for this to happen…I'm not a whore, I'm not a whore…"

"Hey," Arthur's eyes had softened, no longer looking so angry. "It's okay; I'm not mad at you. I saw him taking advantage of you; so I had to stop it. Everything's okay."

No, things were not okay. Things were _definitely _not okay.

He found tears welling up, but he blinked them back. "I want to go home," his voice cracked. "I think it's time to leave."

"Then let's go home," Arthur reached forward, helping him off the bed and draping one arm around his shoulder. "I already told Gwen that I needed to get you home. I think you're a little drunk."

"You won't tell Mum, will you?"

"I won't tell her; I promise."

Maneuvering their way through the mass of people was relatively easy. Most people were either too busy having fun or too drunk to really care what they were doing. Some were even passed out on the stairs, liquid pouring onto the hard wood floor. Gwaine was passed out on the couch, Percival keeping watch over him as Elyan tried to usher out some of the rowdy drunks. Will had somehow convinced Freya to slow dance with him and in a corner of the room, Mithian and Elena were in a heavy snogging session.

"I parked the car near the garage; just a little bit further," Arthur urged him forward. "Only a few minutes away."

If he wasn't a little drunk, he would have found that Arthur owning a car not surprising. Looking at the vehicle, he was surprised that it wasn't some over the top sport's car. It was just a simple black Volvo, recently polished and all. "Hop on in," Arthur motioned towards him. "Let's get out of here."

That's when he heard it.

A large crashing noise coming from the garage, sounding like a body had been slammed to the ground. It caught Arthur's attention, and the blonde frowned in suspicion. Merlin found himself following his step-brother, crouching by the garage entrance to see what was going on.

He was not prepared for what he saw next.

Vivian lay on the ground; halter top scrunched up and frayed. Her shorts around her knees and dark eyes staring up towards the ceiling blankly. He didn't know what came over him, but he rushed forward, gathering her small, shivering body in his arms. "Vivian?" he asked, shaking her gently. "Vivian!"

She blinked up at him in a daze, eyes blurry and unfocused. "Merlin?" she asked. "Merlin, it's you. That's funny. I thought you were a bean pole for a few minutes."

"Shit; she's drunk," Arthur squatted down next to her, taking off his jacket to cover her body. "Shit, someone took advantage of her. She needs a hospital."

"NO!" she sat up suddenly, wrapping her hands around Arthur's neck. "No hospitals! I hate hospitals! Don't you dare take me to a hospital!"

Merlin frowned. "What do we do?"

Arthur ran his hands through his hair, jaw clenching and unclenching. "I don't know! I've never been in a situation like this!"

"Just take me home," Vivian murmured into Merlin's neck, curling into his body. "Just take me home. I'll be okay."

"Vivian…"

"He was pretty good," she giggled. "But then he left me on the floor. How rude!"

"Who did?" Arthur asked, glaring intently. "Vivian, who did this?"

"I don't know," the girl shrugged. "I don't care. Just get me home."

Whether or not they made the right choice, Merlin had no idea. All he really remembered from that night was the chilling sensation he got when Vivian looked into his eyes. "We're the same," she whispered in his ear as Arthur started the car. "You're just like me, Merlin. How long can you keep this up?"

* * *

_I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, f__rom the chandelier,_

_I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist, like it doesn't exist,_

_I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry,_

_I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier_

_~Chandelier by Sia~_

**Well, that's all we have for now folks. Please review and more chapters will come ;)**


	9. Beautiful Cruel World

_**Author's note:** Yes, I know, gone for a month but I've been so busy! College started last week and since school is my top priority, homework comes first. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I will update whenever I can (probably on Friday and Saturday) and I hope you remain committed to this story. Please remember that my education comes first!_

_**Warnings:** Rape_

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own the fandom. Let's be glad that I don't._

_There's a dream my heart just can't seem to leave behind,_

_Like a flower holding on for life inside my mind,_

_Time and again I push it away from me,_

_But it finds a way back in sleep,_

_My beating heart drowns my thoughts away,_

_Tearing apart this dreamer's way,_

_But still I know deep inside my soul,_

_That I never can let it go_

_**(Merlin's p.o.v)**_

Sunday, November first.

Merlin awoke with a pounding headache and a heavy heart at realizing this was his last day of freedom before the monster and his mother came home from their vacation. He lay in bed for several minutes, teeth twisting his lower lip in worry and stared up towards the ceiling. He knew, though he tried to push the thought away, that before he went to sleep that night, Uther would be there waiting for him in his room.

His thoughts turned to Vivian. When Arthur had driven her to her house last night, the home was dark and empty. No cars were sitting in the driveway and Vivian quietly explained to them her father was out of town for the weekend. That was all she said; she got out of the car and walked with silent footsteps to her front door. She didn't even look back. The rest of the ride home was in silence, though he knew Arthur was upset. His hands clenched the steering wheel tightly and his jaw clenched; eyes glancing at him every few seconds.

Still, that was last night. He had no idea if Arthur was still upset with him. That nagging voice in his head that sounded like Uther told him he was. It wouldn't surprise him; if he had been Arthur, he would be upset with him too. Was Uther right? Was he a whore that would let anybody use him? Could he blame the alcohol?

_Knock, Knock_

He jumped at the sound of knuckles rapping on his door and he instantly feared who it was. Swallowing soundly, he walked quietly to the door and braced himself for the cold glass green eyes. Instead, he was met with vivid blue eyes that clashed with his own dark blue ones.

"You're still not dressed?" the blonde asked, eyebrow raised in either condensation or bewilderment. "It's past noon."

"Sorry," he scowled, not realizing the time and feeling rather foolish. "I overslept."

"Well with all the partying you were doing last night, I'm not surprised," Arthur shook his head. "I'm not here to lecture you. But next time you go to a party, don't get that drunk."

"Note taken," Merlin walked further into his room, pulling out some clothes and let them sit in his arms. "Um, do you want something?"

"Yeah," Arthur leaned against the door frame. "When you're done getting dressed, we're going out. Your Mum and my Dad won't be getting back till late this evening, so I figured that we might as well do something fun before they get back."

He left the room without even letting Merlin reply. He stood there for several seconds with his mouth a gap and wondering how on earth the blonde prat got to be so bossy. He acted like he was a prince, no, a king! Still, the thought of Arthur wanting to hang out brought a small smile to his lips.

Half an hour later, he was downstairs, showered and dressed and waiting for Arthur at the foot of the stairs. A minute later, Arthur came down in a leather jacket that surprisingly looked good on him and made Merlin have to fight the blush that was threatening to form on his face.

"Ready?" the older boy asked.

"Sure," he replied with a grin on his face. "What's with the jacket? I didn't think you owned any leather."

"You'll see."

He followed him out to the garage, where several cars were parked in it. Arthur skipped over the expensive vehicles and instead headed over to a motorcycle that looked fairly new. Arthur let his right hand sit on the clutch, eyes shining with pride. "I got this for my birthday last year. It's been in the shop for a while, but since the day is nice, I thought we could take it for a spin."

Merlin just stared at it. "What kind is it?"

"A Kawasaki Z800," Arthur replied proudly, looking at the bikes black shine. "And she runs great. Almost as if she were new."

"And how did it end up going to the shop?"

Arthur made a face. "One word: Gwaine."

"Oh, well, that explains everything."

Arthur laughed, giving Merlin a light punch in the arm. "You got that right. I guess you do pay attention to things," he then turned his gaze to his bike. "Dad told me that he first met Mum while she was a on a bike. She liked them as much as I do."

Merlin didn't know exactly how to respond to that. The subject of Arthur's mother was sort of a taboo he had noticed. Uther wouldn't talk about her, his Mum made sure never to bring her up, and Arthur didn't like to talk about her. In fact, the only pictures he had ever seen of Ygraine were in the living room, one in Uther's study, and another in Arthur's room.

"So, your Dad got you a bike because your Mum liked them?"

"No," Arthur shook his head. "I asked for one. I always liked watching them on the tv and when Dad asked what I wanted for my birthday, I told him I wanted a motorcycle and then he told me that Mum liked them so on my sixteenth birthday, I got this bike."

He patted the handle again proudly. Merlin glanced outside. "I thought they don't work well in the rain?"

"Well, it's not raining. The sun is peeking out a little and I don't see a speck of rain in the air. Now, hop on. Oh, and take the helmet."

He barely caught the helmet, almost knocking it onto the floor. Arthur snickered, but it was slightly muffled by his own helmet. Cautiously, he got on behind his step brother, wondering where on earth he was supposed to put his arms.

"Don't be a pansy; just put your arms around my waist," Arthur's voice sounded from inside the contraption around his head. "No one is going to laugh at you. How else are you supposed to hold on?"

Well he couldn't argue with that logic, so he tentatively wrapped his arms around Arthur's waist. His face heated up the second his hands felt muscles. Arthur's body was firm and strong, yet very warm. Even by just holding onto him, he felt very safe. Something he hadn't felt in a long time. "You ready?" Arthur asked from his spot on the bike. "Here we go!"

The biked roared to life, making Merlin jump in the process. He could feel Arthur laugh and as the garage door opened, he slowly sped out of the linoleum floor and onto the driveway. Before he knew it, they were speeding down the highway at a speed he knew was over the limit, but Arthur didn't seem to care. He let out a whoop and continued to drive like a mad man.

It was amazing! He would not deny that this was incredibly fun. He had never dreamed of riding on a motorcycle, but this was almost like flying. He desperately wanted to take the helmet off and feel the wind blow through his dark hair, but he didn't want Arthur to get in trouble with the law. Or worse, his father.

"You alright?" he heard Arthur ask over the roar of the wind. "You're not going to get sick, are you?"

"Why would I get sick?" he called back.

"Just checking!"

He almost wanted to kick the prat, but with the way he was sitting, that was not possible. "Where are we going?" he asked.

"Don't know!" Arthur practically shouted over the roar of the engine and the howling of the wind. "We go wherever the road takes us."

They ended up driving for another thirty minutes, the sun shining warmly down on their backs. Merlin sighed, pushing back the negative thoughts from his mind. Uther couldn't touch him right now. He was safe. Uther couldn't do anything to him if Arthur was around. Not that he was going to start using Arthur as a crutch; the blonde prat didn't deserve that, but Uther wouldn't do anything to him if his son was in the room, would he?

"We're here."

He hadn't even realized Arthur had stopped the bike until he removed the helmet from his head. In the afternoon sun, his hair shined like gold. He couldn't tear his eyes away until Arthur cleared his throat. "Is everything alright? You're acting all jumpy."

"I'm fine," he quickly replied, hopping off the bike and setting the helmet down. "Where are we?"

"A park. I used to go here with my Mum," Arthur's eyes turned to a soft blue, like the color of the sky above them. "I wanted to find someplace."

"What?"

He followed the taller boy, narrowly avoiding children running around and small animals that got in the way. Arthur went silent for a moment, pausing in front of a thick woodland brush full of thick trees and overlaying branches. "This way," Arthur motioned. "Don't stand there like an idiot; I know where I'm going."

He thought of a nasty response to that, but kept it to himself. Arthur was his ride home, after all. "So, why are we avoiding the main area?" he asked, moving aside the brush and almost getting smacked in the face with a branch. "Is there a cave?"

"Is there a cave? What kind of question is that?" Arthur glanced back at him. "No, there is not a cave. We're almost there."

"Great," he didn't smile, but then again, he didn't sound unpleasant either. "Do you come here often?"

"No," the blonde didn't look back at him. "When I get sad about Mum, I come here to think. It's easier to do it now. Hopefully the park rangers didn't tear it down."

He was tempted to ask "what is it?" again, but then Arthur stopped. "Here we are!" the blonde moved forward a bit. "Thank God they didn't get rid of it. It's exactly how I remember it."

He moved forward into the clearing, allowing Merlin to get a better view. At first, he didn't see anything special about it. Just a clearing with a small stream running through and a park bench near the middle. The dead leaves littered the ground and for a second, he thought it was kind of ugly. "So, this is a clearing?" he said, though it sounded more like a question.

"Obviously," Arthur rolled his eyes. "It looks better in the spring and summer. Mum and I used to come here to get away. I don't know why, but she liked to get out of the house a lot. She hated being kept inside. We'd come here after preschool and we'd talk and sometimes eat ice cream. One time we even looked for pebbles in the stream. You can keep a secret, right?"

Merlin blinked, taking in the surroundings before facing Arthur. "Yes, I can."

"She was an artist, too. Father says I have her talent with pens and paper. But, this is the last place where I saw my mother."

His eyes widened, watching as Arthur's face became distant. "Father keeps trying to tell me that she died; trying to spare my feelings I guess. But I know what happened to her. Recently, I remembered what exactly happened."

"What?"

Arthur swallowed tightly. "She picked me up after preschool one day and took me here. She was so pale and her eyes were red and puffy, like she'd been crying. She set me on her lap and cried for at least a good hour. She didn't say anything, but she kept repeating how much she loved me and wanted to give me things that she could not give. Then she took me home and that was it. The next morning, she wasn't at the table for breakfast. Or any other meal for that matter."

Arthur sat down on one of the park benches. "You're lucky, you know," Merlin moved forward, coming to sit next to the blonde as he spoke. Arthur didn't meet his eyes, but he still continued to speak. "At least you know what happened to your father. I still am not quite certain if mine is alive or dead."

"Terminal brain cancer," was all Merlin said. "We didn't have enough money to pay for the treatment and Da didn't want it. He knew there wasn't a cure and that he wasn't going to get better. He didn't want Mum to be covered in debt, so he refused treatment. Six months later, he died."

"I'm sorry," Arthur murmured. "I never knew how he died."

"Mum was devastated. For months, she kept the café closed. For a while, she wouldn't even come out of her room. I had to go live with my Uncle and the funny thing is, for a while I thought I was did something wrong. So the when I went to go visit Mum, I apologized to her."

"You seriously did that?" Arthur stared at him in bewilderment. "What did she do?"

"She cried," he let out a soft smile. "And then my uncle went to talk to her. I didn't know what it was at the time, but I'm pretty sure it was to tell her to pull herself together and raise her kid."

"Your Mum is a good woman," the blonde leaned back. "I like her."

"You don't feel that she's trying to replace yours?"

"No," Arthur shook his head. "I don't remember mine enough to dislike her. I just want to know why she left me. What did I do? Sometimes, I wish we could go back to the days where it was me, her, and my father. I find myself holding onto that dream, but at the same time, I know it's time to let it go."

"Oh."

They were quiet for a moment, watching as the late autumn wind blew across the grove. It picked up a few dead leaves, tossing them in the air briefly before they scattered across the ground. For a moment, a tiny moment, they reminded Merlin of himself. Did he truly know who he was anymore? Or like the leaves, was he scattered and spread too thin?"

"If you ever get in a situation like that again," Arthur started, eyes now clam and full of understanding. "The one you were in last night, I will help you. No matter what situation you're in, I will always help you. We're family after all now, right?"

"Right," he agreed, but inside his heart tore. If Arthur knew what was happening to him almost every night, he would be so disgusted with him that he would never speak to him again. If he got too close, Arthur would hate him. "Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I've been a jerk," Arthur sighed. "And you might find this out of character, but I'm sorry for being a prat to you."

"It's okay."

"It's not okay," Arthur shook his head. "You and your Mum are family now. It just took a little time accepting that and last night, when that guy almost…raped you, it reminded me of just how much of a family we are."

Lord, if Arthur knew what his father was doing to him every night...

"I'm glad you came in when you did," a cold wind blew and he shivered. When did it get so cold so suddenly? "Thank you."

"No problem," Arthur then stood up, taking off the red scarf around his neck. "Here. So you don't get cold."

Merlin took it gratefully, cheeks now flushing, though he was going to pretend it was from the cold. He tied it around his neck, instantly feeling better. Arthur just scowled. "You idiot, that's not how you tie a scarf."

He removed it from Merlin's neck, draping it over his neck, and tying it in a way that Merlin was trying to comprehend. In the end, there was a perfectly tied scarf hanging around his neck. "Thanks," he breathed, trying to calm down his flush. When did Arthur get so close to him?

"Uh, yeah," was Arthur blushing? Or was it the cold? "We don't need you getting sick."

"Aw, so you do care!"

"Shut it, Merlin!"

* * *

"Mum!"

"Merlin!"

He caught his mother in a tight hug, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Uther gave Arthur a pat on the back, but he did catch how the older man gazed at his son fondly. "How was your trip?" he asked her.

"It was beautiful! I have so many things to give you and Arthur! Oh and Morgana and Mordred."

Uther's mouth tightened at the mention of his grandson, but said nothing.

"What did you get us?" he asked, trying to ignore the stare Uther was now giving him. "Is it a surprise?"

"You'll see."

Seeing his mother again was nice, and he received a few things. An Italian guitar, a few pens for his collection, postcards, original Italian items and snacks. He didn't pay much attention to what Arthur got; he just sat near his mother and absorbed the warmth and love her body projected.

It wasn't until, when he was getting ready for bed that the door opened and Uther walked in, a smug grin on your face. "I missed you," he said as he pulled Merlin's body flush against him, calloused hand running down his hips. "Did you miss me?"

"No."

"That's too bad," Uther undid his own clothes, doing it at a menacingly slow pace. He then pushed Merlin onto the bed, kissing at his neck as his hands traveled slowly to his manhood. "I missed you, my love. Now, let's pick up where we left off."

* * *

**(Arthur's p.o.v)**

"_Yeah, my Dad came home a few hours ago. I'll see you tomorrow at school. Night, Gwen."_

"_Goodnight, Arthur. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you!"_

"_Love you too."_

Arthur set the phone down, laying back on his bed. Why had he given the scarf to Merlin? He just looked so sad in the clearing. Actually now that he thought about, after the wedding, Merlin started acting different. He always looked like he wanted to run away; to escape something that he couldn't see. What was it?

Whenever he was around, he felt different. At the party, when he saw him he thought Merlin was…attractive. Even in that dorky costume, he was handsome. And the way he was dancing later that night, well, it made the blood rush to his groin. Was it lust? Or was he seriously becoming attracted to his stepbrother?

Even hanging with Gwen now, he looked at her differently. Before Merlin and his mother came into his life, he always looked at her with love and admiration. Now, it felt like he was looking through her and instead of soft brown eyes, he saw mysterious blue. God, what the hell was wrong with him? Their family was already screwed up enough as it was.

He thought of his mother. For many years, he would hold onto her picture frame before he went to sleep. For years, he would dream of his mother and father holding his hand as they walked down the London streets at Christmas time. Happy, without a care in the world. Why did she leave? Did he do something to upset her? What would she think about him now? Would she be upset with him for his thoughts of Gwen becoming distracted by a pair of deep blue eyes?

Slowly, he put his phone down and reached under his mattress to pull out a magazine. On the cover was a man wearing a very tiny thong laying on the hood of Mercedes Benz with a martini up to his lips and sipping it seductively.

Then he made sure the door was locked and lay back in his bed, right hand reaching down through his boxers.

* * *

_Up above the gray of the skies reflect my eyes,_

_All the air that sweeps around me seems to coldly sigh,_

_And to join us in our despair the heavens weep,_

_As we wait on eternal sleep,_

_Try to escape from reality,_

_By searching for a fantasy,_

_But still I know that I have to go,_

_Can't hold onto a dream of home_

_~Beautiful cruel world by Yoko Hikasa~_

_*English dub lyrics by Adrisaurus_

**I definitely feel that the song fits Arthur so I picked it. Please review!**


	10. Dollhouse

_**Author's note:** Alright, the next chapter is here and the plot is moving along even further. You're either going to hate me for writing this chapter or hate me even further for the ending. Merlin finds out more about Vivian and Arthur does something completely unexpected. College is great, for anyone that cares, and I hope you are having a wonderful Sunday._

_**Warnings:**__ Rape. If this chapter is more disturbing than the rest, then I apologize. _

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own shit._

_Hey girl, open your walls,_

_Play with your dolls,_

_We'll be a perfect family,_

_When you walk away; it's when we really play,_

_You don't hear me when I say,_

_Mom, please wake up,_

_Dad's with a slut,_

_And your son is smoking cannabis,_

_No one ever listens; this wallpaper glistens,_

_Don't let them see what goes down in the kitchen_

_**(Merlin's p.o.v)**_

A week passed, then another, and another. It was a Friday, a cold, bleak, Friday in November. It was the twenty-sixth, almost into December. It was like he was floating; being tossed through the wind without any feeling. He felt numb inside; a freezing aching pain in his chest. Just last Saturday, he and his Mum had to go shopping because he had lost a lot more weight. She was worried; he knew that and she was starting to blame herself.

However, he was more worried about her. She looked tired, like she wasn't getting enough sleep. Some days she couldn't even get out of bed because she was so weak. She complained of dizziness and headache, and for three days last week she didn't eat. Her stomach hurt, or so she said. He believed her; he noticed the changes. Was Uther hurting his mother too? Or was there something more going on?

So he stood outside Vivian's house, not really sure if he should be there. She hadn't been to school since the Halloween party. When he spoke to her friends, they just shrugged and said she was sick. They didn't say how sick, but one did mention something about a flu. But could a flu last three weeks? He didn't know, but that didn't sound right.

He knocked on the door twice, waiting for Vivian or one of the servants to answer. He was tempted to leave when the door opened, revealing the short girl with curly blonde hair. Her eyes widened slightly when she saw him. "Merlin, what are you doing here?" she hissed.

"We have a project to work on, remember?" he brought up casually, a little offended by how she snapped at him. "And you haven't been at school since the Halloween party. Are you alright?"

Her eyes softened a little and she held the door open wider. "Come on in," she moved away, allowing him to go through. "I'm grounded right now. My dad saw me come home all drunk and he was mad. Really, really, mad."

He narrowed his eyes. "And he's been keeping you in the house?"

She nodded. "I don't know for how long, but it's almost been a month since I was at school. He's called in, saying I'm really sick with some flu, but he can't keep that up forever. He won't let me leave, Merlin!"

"What happened when you got home?"

She glanced at the door almost nervously, very out of character from her usual bubbly, yet kind of weird sense of humor. "He waited till you and Arthur left. Then he took his belt off and whipped me with it a few times," she motioned for him to follow her up to her room, poking her head out the door to make sure no one was following them. She then closed it, removing her shirt with her back to him.

Dozens of long, pink scars were across her small, pale back. Some were longer than others, gleaming in the dim light of her room. Dried blood lay on them and she put her shirt back on, glaring at the wall. "It seemed to go on for hours," she continued numbly. "I couldn't move; it hurt so much. He just kept yelling and hitting. I had a black eye for two weeks; that's why I wasn't at school. He didn't want anyone to suspect."

She wrapped her arms around herself, sitting on the edge of her bed. He didn't know what to do; what could he do? Tell the police that her father was hitting her? "I'm sorry," he found himself saying. "Maybe we shouldn't have taken you home; the hospital might have been a better place-"

"Don't!" she snapped, shaking her head. "Don't apologize; I don't need it. It was my fault for going when he told me not to. I deserved what I got; I always deserve what I get," her eyes stared blankly at the floor. "He told me I was the reason Mum left him; that everything is my fault. That if I wasn't such a bad girl, he would treat me better."

"Treat you better?"

She waved her hand dismissively. "Ah, well, it doesn't matter now," she leaned back on her bed precariously, stretching like a cat. "So, you want to work on that project some more?"

"Oh, uh, sure. If you want to."

She leaned forward, chin placed on her hands. "I want to learn more about you. You see, I know more about you than you think."

"Like what?"

"That we are the same," the words she said on the night he and Arthur found her ran through his mind. "But how long can you keep pretending everything is alright?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he dug a notebook out of his bag, pretending that his heart wasn't thumping violently in his chest. "I don't think we're the same."

"Don't lie!" she glared at him furiously. "We are the same! Even if you won't outwardly say what's wrong with you, I know what it is. I am the same way; only I've learned to embrace it. There's no escape for either of us," she didn't smile; only stared blankly at him. "You haven't give up hope that someone will help you. That someone will hear your screams of pain and run in to stop the violent act. To spend night after night wondering if he's coming back to your bed for another go. To go to school and talk with your so-called friends who think they know everything about you. That is where we are different, Merlin."

He sat there, speechless by her outburst. "Vivian," he began, the puzzle pieces finally falling into place. "Is someone…hurting you?"

"Doesn't matter," she shook her head. "Nothing matters. The second I graduate, I'm leaving and never coming back. He won't be able to stop me! No more, no more, no more!"

"Vivian!" he called out, taking her hand. "Calm down. Please, won't you tell me what's wrong?"

"You already know what's wrong, you idiot!" she snapped. "Why won't you get your head out of your arse and figure it out!"

She then froze at the sound of a car pulling into the drive way. She dashed towards the window, seeing a man with thin blonde hair that looked like it was residing a bit due to age. He was dressed formally, stepping out of the passenger side and looking up towards the house. "My father is home!" she called out, pushing him away from the window. "Into the closet!" she pushed him, scooting stuff aside and closing the door. "He didn't see you, so we're good!" she shoved his backpack under the bed, making sure the closet was shut before hissing silently. "Be quiet! If he finds you, we're both dead!"

Through the keyhole of the closet door, he could see Vivian sit on her bed, staring blankly at the wall. The door to her room opened and the man, Vivian's father, walked in. "Hello Vivian," he greeted, removing his coat and setting it on the chair. "Did you have a good day?"

"Yes," she said blankly as he sat on the bed next to her. "Did you have a good day, Daddy?"

"Oh yes," he leaned towards her, pushing her body against the bed, nuzzling the juncture that connected her neck and shoulder. "And you can make it better."

He wanted to look away, but he couldn't. His eyes widened at the horrible act of taboo that was occurring before his eyes. He wanted to break down the doors and save her, but she locked the closet and there was no way he could get out without her opening them. The man, her father, stripped her down to nothing, using her body in such an unholy way he wanted to vomit.

He couldn't move. It was like his body was frozen with fear; a feeling of nostalgia hitting him like an icy cold wave. He'd seen this scene, over and over again. Instead of Vivian and her father, it was him and Uther. His face smooshed into the bed, the slap of wet skin hitting skin and the smells of sex filling the room. Her father groaned, but she remained quiet. Eyes staring numbly up into the ceiling as her father pushed himself into her. He could see tears threatening to build in her eyes, but they did not fall.

Was she truly broken? Yes, he could see it. She didn't even fight him; she just let him have his way with her. In just under two minutes, it was over. Her father collapsed on her, groaning the name Charlotte and then pulled out of her. Buckling his pants back up and grabbing his jacket, he went back to kiss her deeply. "You're a good girl, Vivian," he crooned, stroking her head like a pet. "So much like your mother."

She didn't say anything, just stared right through him. He left, the sound of the shower being turned on. She collapsed on the bed, slowly putting her clothes back on and then trudged slowly to the closet door. "Now you know," she stated, stumbling on her way to her desk. "If you dare tell anyone, I will kill you!"

He just reached out to her, pulling her into his arms. She froze, obviously not expecting the hug. "I'm sorry I didn't see it before," his face was slightly pressed in her hair; body so much smaller than his. "I should have known what you were hinting at this entire time."

"I know a dead person when I see one," she trembled in his arms, body shaking like a leaf in the wind. "Aren't you going to call me a whore? That I deserve to be used as his wife? I'm not my mother," she trembled again, tears threatening to break from her eyes. "I don't want to be my mother!"

She sobbed quietly into his chest, with him smoothing her hair. "I don't think you're a whore. If you are, than so am I. We're the same," he could feel tears threatening from his own eyes as well. "I don't know how to get out of my situation. I…didn't know what to do!"

"Me either!" she lifted her head to meet his eyes. "Is there any way out? I hate him, but…he's my father! I don't know, I'm so confused. I don't know who to go to! Those people, counselors and doctors, they make it sound so simple to get help. But it's not simple! I feel so trapped, Merlin. I don't know who to turn to."

"You have me," he held her tighter. "I'm here, I understand better than any of those stupid counselors."

"Hold me," she commanded. "Just for a minute more. I think I'm too weak to stand on my own right now."

"Okay."

So he stood there, rubbing her back slightly as her sobs quieted down. It was strange to see her cry. Next to Morgana and his Mum, she was the strongest person he knew. For how long had her father been doing this to her? Yet she was one of the Queen Bees of the school and made good grades. Yet to come home and be raped by her father and still go to school with a smile on her face. Well, she had to be like steel. Steel that was slowly rusting.

"You need to go home," she muttered into his chest. "You need to do it now before he gets out of the shower. Go!"

She threw his bag at him, motioning for him to run down the hallway and to the stairs. He had just closed the door the house when he heard the shower shut off. Would Vivian be in trouble again? Would her father come after her again? If he called the police and reported what he had seen, would her father deny it? Would Vivian testify against him? He somehow doubted that; having a sinking feeling that she was trapped.

_BZZZZZZZZ_

His phone vibrated in his pocket, the repeated buzzing signaling he had an incoming call. "Hello?" he asked, bringing the phone to his ear.

"_Merlin,"_ Arthur's voice called into his ear. _"You need to go to the Northside hospital. It's your Mum."_

* * *

In no time, he was standing in the waiting room, pacing back and forth in anticipation. His friends had already replied to his texts when he was sitting in the cab, being transported to the hospital in fifteen minutes. Morgana was very upset; as were Gwen and Elena. Mithian asked him if he needed anything and Freya said she would be there with him, but she was at a convention with her parents in another town.

So he paced in the hospital after telling the receptionists who he was. They allowed him to wait outside her room, the doctors' busy working on her and making him stay outside. The only one allowed in there right now was Uther. He was so nervous, pacing around and digging in his nails into his palms. What was he going to do? If his Mum died, Uther would have total control over him. There would be no escape.

"Merlin!"

He heard Arthur's voice come down from the hallway. He was still in his football gear, looking a bit sweaty and unkempt from running all the way to the hospital. "Father called me during practice and I called you as soon as I heard," he panted, wiping his forehead. "Did they tell you what was wrong?"

"She's been taking sleeping pills," he answered, finding it all very hard to believe. His mother had always been a sound sleeper. It didn't make any sense that she needed pills. "They said she overdosed a little and that's why she's been feeling unwell these past few weeks. They're stabilizing her right now. If she dies…"

"Merlin!" Arthur cut off, grabbing him by the shoulders. "Your mother is not going to die. I promise you that."

"How do you know?" he snapped, glaring up at him heatedly. "Are you a doctor?"

"No," Arthur glared back at him. "But I know that they put her on meds just in time. She's not going to die. Not for a long, long time."

His glare died down a little, and he fixed his attention to the floor. Arthur sighed, stepping towards the nurse that had just walked out of the room. "Are we allowed to go in now?" he asked politely.

"Not yet," she shook her head, adjusting her glasses. "I will tell you when you can, so don't worry. The doctors are positive she'll recover just fine. They want to run a few more tests first, alright?"

Arthur nodded. "Thank you,"

She walked away, turning the corner to the right. Merlin shook his head. "That doesn't make me feel any better."

"Well it's better than nothing," Arthur countered, leaning against the wall. "At least they're positive about the situation."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means your negativity is just painful to listen to," Arthur retorted, rolling his eyes. "I understand that you're worried, but you don't need to be so pessimistic. The doctors here are some of the best in the UK. My father would only get the best for her."

"Well that's fucking wonderful," he grumbled. "Maybe your father can just cure her with his money then, hm?"

Arthur pushed himself off the wall, storming towards him. For a minute, Merlin thought he had crossed the line and Arthur was going to hit him. He moved till his back hit the wall, eyes closing briefly in anticipation for the hit that was going to come, but it never did. Arthur just grabbed his hand, dragging him in the opposite direction the nurse went in.

Arthur poked his head into the chapel, then pushed Merlin inside. It was vacant; empty without a single person. A lone cross stood on the alter, gleaming in the late afternoon sunlight. Merlin pulled away from Arthur, glaring at him. "Why are we here?"

"To get you to calm down before you freak out on someone. I don't care if you freak out on me, but it would make your Mum upset if you do that to anyone else."

The blonde had a point. Damn. He paced around, trying to get his hands to stop trembling. While was worried about his mother, he felt guilty about worrying for himself more. If she died, he was defenseless. He would be an orphan; permanently trapped in Uther's household. Uther would have full custody over him since his father had died years ago. What was he going to do? "Da died years ago," his voice cracked a little. "I don't want to lose Mum. Not now!"

"Hey," Arthur's voice softened a little and to his surprise, he pulled him into his embrace. "Don't cry. She's not going to die, I promise."

"You don't look like a doctor," he mumbled, face as red as Arthur's football shirt. While the taller boy was slightly sweaty, he didn't at all mind. He had deodorant on and he smelled like the earth. His arms were strong, supporting his weak and thin frame. It felt right to be hugged by him, though his mind was screaming at him that he wasn't worthy. That he was disgusting and a whore. Yet, he pushed past those thoughts, focusing on the sound of Arthur's heart beating against his chest.

"I'm not a doctor," Arthur admitted. "Not that smart."

"I don't think you're dumb."

"Never said I was," they still stood there; their silhouettes shadowed on the wall behind them. "No, when I am graduated and done with college, I will inherit father's company. Whether I want to or not."

He lifted his head to look up at Arthur in confusion. "You don't want your father's company?"

Arthur shook his head. "I want to be an Actuary," Arthur confessed, cheeks now a light pink. "But father says that the company deals with bonds and stocks, and the career I want doesn't have what it takes. He said I will get the family business even if I don't want it."

"But that's not fair!"

"Life's not fair, Merlin," Arthur argued firmly. "Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do for the sake of someone else. My father just wants me to be successful; what parent doesn't want that? You want to be a musician, don't you?"

"No," Merlin shook his head. "I want to teach. I love kids and I love sharing music with those willing to learn. Mum will support me no matter what, but if she dies…"

"Merlin!" Arthur snapped. "Don't think like that! Even if something did happen to her, do you really think you'd be alone?"

"No," he admitted softly.

"That's right. You'd have my father, Morgana, Mordred, Gwen, Leon, Perci, Gwaine, Elyan, Elena, Mithian, Freya, and Will. The list goes on," Arthur sighed. "And you'd have me."

Arthur's eyes locked into his. Bright blue colliding with his dark blue orbs. Then, the worst and possibly best thing in the world happened. Arthur's lips met his. He braced himself, imagining that his kiss would be cold and forceful, but they weren't. They were soft and gentle; warm against his cool ones. His hands stopped trembling; lips moving against Arthur's as if they had a mind of their own. It felt right; he felt safe and wanted. He felt loved.

And then, he thought of Gwen and instantly he pulled away. "What are we doing?" he sputtered, tearing himself out of Arthur's arms. "You're dating Gwen! Our parents are married! This is wrong!"

Arthur didn't say anything. He just marched off angrily and Merlin could feel his emotions project off him. He collapsed down to his knees, holding his face in his hands.

"What have we done?" he asked. "What have I done?"

* * *

_Places, places, get in your places,_

_Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces,_

_Everyone thinks that we're perfect,_

_Please don't let them look through the curtains,_

_Picture, picture, smile for the picture,_

_Pose with your brother won't you be a good sister?_

_Everyone thinks that we're perfect,_

_Please don't let them look through the curtains,_

_DOLLHOUSE I see things that nobody else sees_

_DOLLHOUSE I see things that nobody else sees_

_~Dollhouse Melanie Martinez~_

**Oh snap, things are heating up. Well, please review!**


	11. The dark I know well

_**Author's note:** I actually had this chapter typed up weeks ago, but wasn't sure where to put it. So, here is chapter eleven! Really fast update, I know, but the next one will probably be next week. Who knows._

_**Warnings:** Rape, Arthur having stupid ideas_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for minor OCs_

_I don't scream,_

_Though I know it's wrong,_

_I just play along,_

_Lie there and breathe,_

_Lie there and breathe,_

_I wanna be strong,_

_I want the world to find out,_

_That you're dreaming on me,_

_Me and my beauty, _

_Me and my beauty,_

_**(Merlin's p.o.v)**_

"How are you feeling, Mum?"

He sat on the edge of his mother's bed, taking her weathered hand into his. She smiled at him weakly, resting on her pillows with ease. "A lot better," she glanced towards the IV needle in her arm. "But how are you doing? You look so pale, Merlin. You need more color in those handsome cheeks."

"I'm fine," he lied and for a moment, he almost convinced himself that he was. Even though his heart was still beating from the panic attack he had in the chapel when Arthur left. How could he explain to her that his stepbrother had just kissed him and he responded? What kind of fucked up family were they? Would kissing your stepsibling count as incest? "You're more important right now. Mum, why didn't you tell me you were taking sleeping drafts?"

"Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry!" she looked down in shame, gripping his hand tightly. "Well, ever since we moved to England I've been having trouble sleeping. I don't know how it came on, but maybe it was because I was newly married and in a new home; a new life. Uther suggested a sleeping pill and I would take it with my tea every night. The maid gave me too much; poor thing probably feels horrible."

"Which maid?" Uther ground out, cold furry in his eyes. "Which one did it?"

"Isobel," his Mum frowned. "Please don't be upset with her; I'm sure it was an accident. She's such a kind hearted girl."

"She must be punished, whether it was an accident or not. Or I can put her in jail," Uther sighed, shaking his head. "I can even fire her, if you wish, my dear."

"No!" she shook her head. "I'm sure it was an accident! She would never try to hurt me; I've been nothing but kind to her."

"She's a maid; she's not supposed to be anything but kind to you. I will see to it that she is punished," Uther stood up, walking over to kiss her cheek. His eyes lingered on Merlin for a few seconds before he left, patting Arthur on the back. "Arthur, be sure to get you and Merlin home before ten." Was the last thing he said before he left.

He bit his lip nervously at the thought up being alone with Arthur again, but kept his outward composure in check. His mother squeezed his hand. "You look a bit puckish. Why don't you go get something to eat, eh?"

"But what about you?"

"I am going to be fine," she said sternly. "I may be a patient in this hospital, but I am still your mother. And as your mother, I say go get something eat, go home and get your schoolwork done, and then go to bed. Mother's orders."

"But Mum!"

"You have school tomorrow. They'll be letting me out on Monday. There's nothing more to do, Merlin," she leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek. "You need to put something in you. You worry me, Merlin. Are you sure you don't need to see a doctor? This weight loss…I've never seen you this thin. Please, eat something. For my sake, please?"

Damn, she was noticing! Everyone was noticing! He wasn't that thin! Was losing twelve pounds such a big deal? He didn't think so. "I'll go get something to eat," he nodded. "I'm fine, Mum. The food here is just a bit…different."

She didn't buy that; he knew she didn't. But she let the subject drop and motioned for him to go so she could get some rest. He walked out of the room, Arthur closing the door behind him. For a moment, they stood face to face. Arthur leaned against the wall across him, arms over his chest and staring at him. "Well," Merlin started, trying not to sound foolish. "Here we are."

"Yes. Here we are," Arthur replied.

"Do you want to talk about what happened? Because who goes around snogging their stepsibling?" he hissed quietly. "Seriously, what the fuck was that?"

"I don't know," was Arthur genius response. "I just wanted to try it."

"Just wanted to try it? Try what?"

"Kissing another male," Arthur wouldn't meet his eyes; almost as if he were embarrassed. "I got curious. You know, Gwaine and Percival snog a lot and I wanted to know."

Alright, he would be denying it if that didn't make him a little mad. "So because I'm gay that gives you a perfectly good reason to kiss me? Did it ever cross your mind about how I would feel about that? And Gwen! How would Gwen feel?"

"Which is why she'll never find out," Arthur glared at him. "Are you going to tell her?"

He already knew the answer before he said it out loud. "No," he shook his head. "I'm not a prat. I wouldn't do that to her. But you two are in love. Why would you do that to her? Why ruin things now?"

Arthur just rolled his eyes. "That is none of your business."

"Like hell it isn't! No one goes around snogging their stepsibling. You are going to tell me what is wrong, or I can keep pestering you till you do. Now, which will it be?"

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "Are you threatening me? Because you're not very threatening, Merlin."

"Will you stop being a prat for one minute?" he grumbled, almost feeling a childish urge to stomp his foot. "I don't understand you at all. Why are you so damn confusing?"

"Me confusing? Talk about you!" Arthur shot back heatedly. "I don't understand you at all! Ever since we met, I…you confuse me. I don't understand."

"Understand what?"

Arthur ran a hand through his blonde hair, pushing himself away from the wall. "Let's go get something to eat," he motioned for him to follow. "I know a good Chinese restaurant nearby. Do you like Orient food?"

"Yeah," he nodded, even though he was not very hungry. Still, his mother wanted him to eat and the last thing he wanted her to do was be upset with him while in the hospital. "Chinese food is pretty good. Mum and I grew bamboo one year and had bamboo soup a lot."

"You can eat it?"

"What can't you eat nowadays?"

Arthur had to smirk at that, but otherwise didn't say anything. They walked out of the hospital in silence; neither of them saying anything. The Chinese restaurant was not very packed for a Thursday night at the end of November. It was warm; with the smell of different sauces and the smell of green tea. It was dimly lit with paper lanterns and filled with comfy looking red booths and tables. Different Chinese characters lined the walls, and he found that he recognized a few of them. Wealth, prosperity, luck.

And of course, the one that they had to sit under was love. Did the universe hate him more than it already did?

"So," he taped his fingers against the table, awkwardly looking out the window.

"So," Arthur repeated, arms crossed over his chest. "You're still upset with me, aren't you?"

Every part of him wanted to scream yes; and possibly reach across the table to throttle him, but all he did was roll his eyes. "No, of course I'm not upset. That wasn't my first kiss, after all," that was a lie, but there was no way he was telling Arthur that his first kiss was with his step-brother's father. "Oh no, I'm not upset at all."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "You don't need to be snarky; I'm sorry," the blonde looked almost a little embarrassed. Good! "I just….have been having a few issues."

"Clearly."

Arthur opened his mouth to reply, but then a waitress walked by to stop at their table. "Arthur!" the Chinese woman smiled widely, wrapping her arms around him as he stood up to hug her. "It's so good to see you," she continued after releasing him. "How's football going?"

"Good, how have you been? It's been ages since we've seen each other, Lan Ming."

"Busy, as usual. My husband and I are going to China in a few days to spend Christmas with my daughter and son-in-law. They are expecting a baby; we're very happy for them."

Arthur smiled pleasantly. "Well tell them congratulations; I'm very happy for them," he then looked down at his menu. "I would like Mu Shu Pork with a side of spring rolls, please."

The woman then turned to Merlin with a large smile. "What can I get for you?" she asked before looking to Arthur. "I thought you had a girlfriend, Arthur. Who's your little boyfriend?"

Merlin flushed red and Arthur shook his head. "This is my stepbrother, Merlin," he corrected. "Gwen and I are still dating."

"Oh," for a moment, he almost thought she looked disappointed. "Oh, well, my mistake. What would you like, dear?"

"The Ma Pa Tofu," he handed her the menu. "Please."

"Coming right up," she looked at him kindly. "And I'll get you some spring rolls. You're too thin, my boy."

Damn, was everyone insisting on pointing that out? He wasn't that thin! Arthur stared at him, nodding his head after a few seconds. "She's right; you are too thin. You're not anorexic, are you?"

"No!" he snapped. "You see me eat every day!"

"Then bulimic?"

"Why is bothering everyone?" he grumbled, not entirely denying that he was bulimic. Was he bulimic? He was throwing up a lot more, even if he wasn't eating at the time. Every time Uther had his way with him, he'd go straight to the bathroom and throw up. It wasn't healthy, he knew it wasn't, but what else was he supposed to do? Vivian was right; they're were both trapped in a vicious cycle with no way out.

"Merlin?" Arthur's voice brought him back to reality. "You keep spacing out."

"Sorry."

"Anyway, like I was saying," Arthur continued on. "Everyone is concerned about your weight loss because it isn't normal. You don't look like you're feeling well. You can tell me, we're brothers. Are you alright?"

"Oh don't you pull that card!" he snapped. "You kissed me in the chapel! Brothers, don't do that to one another!"

"I'm sorry, okay? What more do you want from me?"

"An explanation maybe? That would be nice!" never before had he felt this angry at someone. He just really wanted to hit Arthur. "I…you confuse me, Arthur. I don't understand. You're with Gwen, you like girls. Why would you do that to her? To me?"

"Because I'm not so sure anymore," Arthur stared at the table, pausing for a minute as Lan Ming returned with a tray of Oolong tea. He took a cup, pouring some in and passing it to Merlin before pouring some for himself. "I haven't been sure for a while."

"Sure about what?" he asked, bringing the tea to his lips. "About liking Gwen?"

"Are you that dense?" Arthur grumbled, rolling his eyes. "No, about girls in general. I thought I had things figured out, but then you came along and now everything is unclear."

"When did these feelings start?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"When we first met," Arthur admitted, almost sheepishly. "I didn't want to admit it; or even think about it. I thought that it would go away, but it didn't. I want you, Merlin. I don't look at Gwen the same way anymore. Every time I look at her, I see you. I don't understand it, but I know I want you."

Oh good God this was too much. He wanted to either kiss the poor idiot or slap him for even thinking that way! Alright, he wouldn't deny it; Arthur had a personality he found attractive, but there was no way it would work out. _"I don't even deserve someone like Arthur," _he thought to himself. _"I don't deserve anyone. I don't even deserve to be happy. Arthur doesn't need a damaged freak like me."_

"_That's right," _Uther's voice laughed in his hear. _"You belong to me. No one would want you."_

He was a mess. He couldn't even think clearly anymore; his thoughts were always a jumbled mess. He always felt sick and knew that everyone was repulsed by him. Why did Elena, Mithian, Will and Freya even hang out with him? He was a freak! Arthur, if he were to ever date someone other than Gwen, deserved someone better. Someone without a long chain of pain to hold him down. His thoughts, his feelings…they would crush Arthur.

Arthur would hate him. He wouldn't want him anymore.

"Merlin?"

"Yes?"

Arthur made a face. "You're zoning out again. Honestly, is this how you treat everyone?"

"No," he put up that silly grin he always wore to mask how he truly felt. "Just you."

"I meant what I said before," he changed the subject, much to Merlin's dismay. "I love Gwen, but I'm not so sure anymore. I…don't think I'm attracted to her any longer. But, I don't know for sure. I don't understand these feelings."

"And you think you like me?"

Arthur just looked him dead in the eye. "I think I'm in love with you."

Oh, he did not just say that! "You can't be serious," he shook his head, trying to get the words out from his mind. "Arthur, you're not thinking straight. Whatever joke you're trying to pull, knock it off! It's not funny!"

"Merlin, I'm not joking!"

"Will you stop?" he stood up, trying to get away from the prat. This could not be happening; could it? This had to be a joke! Yes, this is what it was, a joke! There was no way in hell that Arthur would have…feelings for him. The very thought of it was taboo. "I'm going home!"

But home was back in Ealdor. Back in his old life with just him and his Mum. Back in their average sized flat and his old, safe, familiar room. Arthur reached forward, grabbing his wrist. "Merlin!" he pulled him back down, ignoring the eyes that looked up from their meals and menus. "Please, sit."

So he sat, glaring at him the whole time. Arthur stared back just as heatedly. "I am not lying to you, Merlin. Look at me. Does it look like I would like about something like this? Do you think I'm taking this lightly?"

He looked into those bright blue orbs. He could see the sincerity pulsing through them, the kindness that was always there if he looked hard enough. No, Arthur was telling the truth. But that still didn't make this right. He wasn't worthy of anything right now. Uther was right; he deserved what he got. Somehow he had done something terrible in his life and this was God's way of punishing him. "Arthur," he began. "Even if you do have feelings for me, it won't work."

"Why not?"

"Because one, our parents are married. Did you forget that?" he raised his eyes towards the ceiling in bewilderment as Arthur nodded, finally starting to see some sense. "And two, you're dating Gwen. Are you really willing to jeopardize that?"

"Just hear me out," Arthur raised his hands in defense. "I have an idea."

"Oh no."

Just then Lan Ming came pack with two plates and two little small plates. She gave Merlin two extra spring rolls, winking at him as she handed them both chopsticks. "So you can get more meat on those bones."

As she walked away, he looked to Arthur. "So, how do you know her? Well enough to get on first name basis."

"She was a friend of my Mum's," Arthur replied, sticking some fried rice in his mouth. "They were roommates all four years in college. She was a bride's maid in her wedding and vice versa. So I've known her all my life."

"Ah, I see."

They continued to eat in silence, his eyes watering as he put a little too much of hot mustard onto his spring roll. Arthur snickered, but then handed him a napkin to wipe his eyes. "Dinner's on me," he reminded him, much to his dismay. "Since I brought my wallet and you didn't."

"Hooray," he stated dryly. The food was delicious, he would give it that, but everything tasted like cardboard nowadays. He didn't want to eat; his stomach felt too nauseous for that. Would he just throw it up again later? "Thanks for the dinner. I, um, really appreciate it."

"You're welcome. Now, eat. Lan Ming is right; you need more meat on your skinny bones."

So he ate, just so Arthur would get off his back. He ate all the food, even though his stomach was screaming at him not too. He ate three egg rolls before realizing how hungry he was. The most he ate at lunch anymore was half a sandwich and breakfast he just picked at his food mostly. He was fucking starving!

He pushed back his plate when he was done, feeling oddly satisfied. He felt more alive; like he had more energy. He wasn't just muddling along, he actually felt like he had more energy. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe he needed to keep the food in his system for much longer. Arthur then stood up, walking up to the register to give an older man, possibly Lan Ming's husband, the amount due. So he sat there, continuing to sip his tea when the Chinese woman sat across him. "He's a good boy, you know."

"Excuse me?" he asked, setting the cup down shyly.

"Arthur. He can be a bit of handful sometimes, but he has a good heart. He truly does care about you," her dark eyes stared at him kindly, almost motherly. "I can see right through you. You don't have to tell me, but there is something going on in your life. I can see your pain, Merlin."

He felt oddly exposed to her and he wanted to run. She just smiled sadly at him. "There is a quote I read in a book once. 'At the temple, there is a poem called "loss" carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read loss, only feel it."

She stood up after that, giving him one last sad smile. Her words echoed in his mind, mixing in with all the other thoughts swimming in his head. What had he lost? His home, his old life, his father, and if he really got down to it, his innocence and sense of hope. Uther had taken away his hope. Did she have the same feeling? Did she feel loss when her best friend disappeared?

"Ready to go?" Arthur asked, appearing beside him.

"Sure," he took one last look at the older woman. "Let's go home."

They walked out into the cold November air. London was beautiful at night, he would give it that. The street they walked on, though it wasn't very crowded or snowy, looked like one of those Christmas cards. Wreaths and holiday decorations were already out, filling the store windows and doors. "It's beautiful," he commented honestly, flushing from both the cold and Arthur against his side. "Like a Christmas card."

"That's one way of looking at it," Arthur agreed. "But, continuing on with the thought I had earlier-"

"Arthur," he cut him off abruptly. "I don't know exactly what you're trying to imply, but I have a good idea to what it is. You're not going to dump Gwen just because you might have feelings for me. It's not fair to her! Haven't you thought of her at all?"

"Yes," Arthur narrowed his eyes. "But that's not what I'm trying to say. Here, let's stand here for a minute," he dragged him to a deserted alleyway. Not fully going in it, but far enough so people wouldn't notice them. "I want to experiment, but I also want to be with Gwen still."

He stared at him, feeling the urge to hit him. "What?" he asked, still a bit shocked. "You've got to be joking. You want to two-time with Gwen? Are you mad?"

He felt like he was shouting. Apparently Arthur felt the same way. "No, I'm not mad, thank you very much," the prat grumbled. "Now just hear me out. For four months, I want to be with you; to see if my feelings about men are genuine. But I don't want to break up with Gwen; I still love her."

"Arthur that is a stupid idea!" he threw up his arms, shaking his head. "Out of all the ideas in this world, that is the dumbest one I've ever heard. And how long have these feelings been going on?"

"For two years," Arthur admitted. "I even have a porn magazine I stole from Gwaine. He just left it out one day and well, I got curious. I was leafing through it, but then when Gwaine came back from the bathroom, I stashed it in my backpack. I've had it for two months."

"Oh my God," Merlin hissed. "And does Gwaine know about your feelings?"

"Who knows?" Arthur shrugged. "It's Gwaine. He might know; he might not. He says he has a very accurate gaydar or something."

Huh, so did Elena, but he wouldn't say that out loud. "So, you want to still date Gwen, but also want to fool around with me? In what world does that make sense?"

"Just for a little while!" Arthur countered. "When the four months are up, then I'll leave you alone. You won't have to deal with me anymore. If I believe I'm gay by that point, then I'll break up with Gwen. If I don't have those feelings, then I will stay with her. Merlin, this is all I ask of you," Arthur's voice dropped a little and for a second, he sounded like a wounded puppy. "I don't know what else to do."

Oh hell no, he was not using that voice! By God, this was a stupid idea, but…but… "Fine," he crossed his arms, wondering what the hell he was getting himself into. "This stupid and I shouldn't even be putting up with his, but I'll do it. But for four months and that's it. And if you think we'll be having sex then-"

"Woah!" Arthur held up his hands. "Sex is off the table. I've had it once and let me tell you that being a father at seventeen is a terrible idea. Morgana's reputation, and mine, could be ruined."

"And Mordred's."

Arthur nodded. "Yes, and Mordred's. Which is why no one can find out about this."

"Agreed."

So they stood in the dimly lit alley way, snow falling all around him. Why the hell was this happening to him? Or a better thought, why the hell was he doing this? Did he really have no more standards left? It was bad enough that Arthur's father was shagging him in his room every night, but this seemed like a terribly bad idea. Something was probably going to wrong. Yet, he wouldn't deny the small flicker of hope that this could work. _"I have feelings for him," _a soft voice in his head whispered. _"I can't deny them anymore. However, he loves Gwen. He'll always go back to her. But, if this is the closest I can get to love, then so be it."_

Arthur stepped forward, bringing his hand to the back of Merlin's head. His other and rested on his back and their lips met again, soft and slow, without a care in the world.

Yes, this was a stupid and horrible idea, but kissing Arthur was still a lot better than kissing Uther.

**(Uther's p.o.v)**

"You stupid woman!" he slapped Isobel so hard across the face that she collapsed to the floor, the sound of china breaking and her cries echoing throughout the room. "How many pills did you crush and put in her tea?"

"I…I'm sorry!" she cried, lowering her face. "It was an accident, I swear! Please sir, don't kill me! I have children! They need me!"

"And I need my beloved wife to stay alive!" he snapped, kicking her and she fell over in pain. He knelt down, lifting her up by her hair and keeping a solid grip on her chin. "If you slip up again and put her in a coma or worse, I will kill you. You got that?"

"Y…Yes, sir."

She scurried away, probably terrified for her life, but he didn't care. If she had overdosed even more, then Hunith would have died! Even though that would give him complete custody over Merlin, he was still in love with her too. He would have them both, no matter what! No matter how much the boy cried and pleaded for him to go away; to stop, he wouldn't do it. He liked hearing his pain; it reminded him so much of Ygraine. She would fight, but he wouldn't listen.

Yet she managed to get away. It devastated him, so he wouldn't let that happen to Merlin. Merlin was his, no matter what. No matter how much he cried or hurt himself. If death was the only way out for the boy, then so be it. As long as he knew who his wonder was.

So he waited in his room until he heard the boys come home. He loved his son; he truly did. He didn't want anything to hurt Arthur, but his son couldn't know what was going on. He would despise him; turn him into the cops. Arthur's chivalry and sense of justice were a lot stronger than he liked. And he had no doubt his son would put him behind bars if he could.

The second he knew Merlin was in his room, he grinned lewdly. He stalked down the hall to the boy's room, unlocking the door with ease. Merlin looked at him with disgust, but he loved the fear in his dark blue eyes. "Undress," he ordered, practically shoving him onto his bed. "We're going to have lots of fun tonight."

* * *

_You say all you want is just a kiss goodnight,_

_Then you hold me and you whisper child the lord won't mind,_

_It's just you and me,_

_Child you're a beauty,_

_There's a part I can't tell,_

_About the dark I know well,_

_There's a part I can't tell,_

_About the dark I know well_

_~The Dark I know well from Spring Awakening~_

**Yes, I bet a majority of you will agree this plan is stupid. Even I agree, it's a stupid idea, but they're teenage boys with hormones. They make mistakes and this one will have consequences. Poor Gwen :(**


	12. Carousel

_**Author's note:** Alright, confession time. I also had this chapter pre-typed on Google docs XD I'm sorry for all these fast updates; some of you may not like that, but I'm just loving all the feed back. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far! I can safely say that it won't be too long before Uther is caught. We're still a few chapters away, but it's coming. Big things are coming up in the next chapter that none of you will guess. Maybe you will guess right, who knows? But review guys! I love reading what you have to say :)_

_**Warnings:** Rape, attempted suicide_

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own the sandbox. I just jump the fence to play in it._

_Round and round like a horse on a carousel, we go,_

_Will I catch up to love I can never tell,_

_I know, chasing after you is like a fairytale,_

_But I feel like I'm glued on tight to this fairytale,_

_**(Merlin's p.o.v)**_

As soon as December hit, the cold weather was here to stay. Normally this didn't bother him too much, but it was so cold outside his hands were practically freezing inside his minutes. Not to his surprise, when he took his gloves off that morning, they were bright red and cold. Bollocks! He got to his classes without much trouble; despite feeling really cold.

There was a test in history today, a short test before the big one in a week before they were let out for the winter holidays. He had never been to Spain; he didn't speak Spanish, but he looked forward to going. Uther wouldn't dare touch him in his parent's home, would he? He didn't want to think about that; so he tried to concentrate on the test in front of him.

Then, a note appeared on his desk.

He jumped, feeling something poke him in the back. He almost turned around to lecture the prat who pocked him, but didn't dare. The professor was buried in his laptop, furiously typing away at something. Slowly, with his eyes still on the test and pencil in his right hand, he opened the note slowly with his left, eyes scanning it quickly.

**You know how to skate, don't you? Because we're going skating after school to a family owned pond.**

Damn, did he not get a say in anything. Sighing, he returned to the test, answering two more questions before standing up and putting it in the done folder. He sat back down, hands folded neatly in front of him. For two weeks he'd been part of Arthur's stupid plan and now he was seriously regretting it. While they actually hadn't done anything but kiss two Thursdays ago, he felt awful. Every time he saw Gwen, he would feel a huge brick of guilt drop in his stomach. She didn't deserve this. Uther was right; he was an awful person.

Yet the worst part was he enjoyed being with Arthur. When it was just the two of them somewhere private; without anyone to see them, they could relax. He found that Arthur was definitely a hand holder and every second he could, their fingers would entwine together. He liked spending time with him, but he made sure it never escalated. Arthur could never know about the repeated rape he was going through every night. It had to stay secret, no matter what.

**I can't. I'm going to Vivian's house to work on the project. You can come along, if you want. Then we can go skating or whatever it is you want to do.**

If Arthur was satisfied with that answer, he didn't know. When he was at his locker when the final bell rang, the blonde was at his side. Arthur made a face at him. "You go to Vivian's house almost every day. I thought you didn't like her?"

"She's a friend now," he grumbled, following Arthur to his car. Most recently Uther had allowed Arthur to drive them to school, so Arthur's shiny black Volvo stood in the parking lot. It only proved to the rest of the school how rich they were to be able to afford a car that was not stick shift. Oh he could feel Gwaine's jealously from a mile away. "Anyway, you don't have to come along."

"Oh no, I want to see this interaction," Arthur hoped into the car, sticking the keys into the engine. "Now, what direction is her house in, again? She wasn't at school today."

"I know; that's why I'm worried," he didn't explain the reason as to why he was worried, but he kept that to himself. "Turn left here, please."

It had been snowing all morning, but now it had reduced to just tiny little flakes that seemed to just dissolve into the snow. The clouds were thick and heavy, a telltale sign that more snow was on its way. To him, it just seemed ominous, and his stomach churned nervously. Something had happened. He wasn't sure what, but something bad was going on. He could feel it. The same way his stomach churned when Uther was coming near. That same sense of dread filled him and he thought he would black out.

_Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

He immediately reached for his phone, bringing the device to his ear as he hit the call button. "Hello?" he asked into the electronic. "Vivian? Is everything okay?"

He could hear her ragged breathing; the telltale signs of a panic attack threatening to break out. _"I can't do it anymore, Merlin," _she cried into the device._ "I can't do it anymore! I can't, Merlin, I don't know what to do now!"_

"What happened? Calm down; tell me what's wrong!"

"_I'm sorry, Merlin,_" her voice sounded hollow on the other end. _"I just can't do it anymore. There's only one way out. I'm sorry I couldn't be strong for you, but I can't do it anymore. I'm pathetic; weak and pathetic, but it's okay now. It's all going to be okay in a few minutes. I can finally be free."_

"Vivian? Vivian, whatever you're planning, don't do it! Please, I'm on my way!" he could see Arthur looking at him in confustion. "Step on it!" he told him and Arthur did just as he asked. "Vivian, don't do anything stupid! I'm on my way!"

"_Good bye, Merlin. Thank you for everything, but it's time to go now. Good bye."_

"Vivian!"

She hung up and he pulled on Arthur's arm. "Go faster! She's in trouble!" he bit his lip to keep himself from panicking even further. "She's going to kill herself, Arthur!"

"I'm going as fast as I can without getting caught!" they were going ten miles over the speed limit; getting closer to her house by the second. "What is she going to do? What's wrong with her?"

"I can't explain right now," he told the blonde. "And I don't know what's she's going to do, but I know she's going to die if we don't get there fast enough!"

They arrived to her house five to seven minutes later and raced out of the car. Merlin didn't even knock; he just threw the door open and ran up the stairs. Her father wasn't home, but even if he had been, he wouldn't have cared. Vivian was all that mattered right now. "Vivian!" he called, hearing water running from the upstairs. "Vivian! Don't do it!"

If she heard him, she didn't say anything. The door to her room was open, but the door to her bathroom was closed. He yanked on the door handle, but it wouldn't budge. "Vivian!" he called out, knocking on the door hard. "Vivian, can you hear me?"

He slammed his body on the door, trying to break it down, but it was no use. His body was weak from lack of energy and eating. He had pretty much no muscle mass and the door was made from pretty hard wood. "Vivian!" he called out, continuing to try to move the door. "Vivian!"

"Merlin, move!"

Arthur shoved him aside, almost causing him to stumble into her desk chair. After two hard shoves, Arthur managed to bust the door down. The bathroom was overfilled with water; the sound of the bathtub faucet flowing with hot water. Vivian was submerged underneath it; eyes closed and hair clinging to her face. Merlin rushed ahead of Arthur, grabbing her body and lifting it out. Arthur took the other end of her small frame, lying her flat on the floor. He moved Merlin aside again, resting his head down on her chest. "Merlin, call an ambulance," he ordered, placing his hands on her chest.

He honestly did not know that Arthur knew CPR, but now was not the time to be thinking. He called the hospital, almost to the point of freaking out. "You have to get here soon!" he told the receptionist after telling her the address. "Please, her life is in danger!"

"_Sir, we have already sent out a dispatcher. Please calm down. Do you know CPR?"_

"My friend is doing that right now," he told her, taking deep breaths to calm down. "How far away is the ambulance?"

"_About five minutes away. Please, keep calm and keep trying to revive her."_

Arthur kept breathing into her, not even stopping to talk to him or tell him what to do. He looked at her, not entirely sure what to do. Her skin was so pale, with her lips a blue color. He placed a careful hand on her skin, pulling it back immediately. She was so cold and so still he was afraid she was dead. If she died, then there was no one. No one to talk to about the rape; no one to understand him completely. She would be free and he would be left alone.

"I got her heart going again," Arthur told him, grabbing the nearest towel and wrapping it around her. "The ambulance needs to get here soon; she's not waking up."

Just as he spoke, the sound of the ambulance neared. He ran to the window, watching as it pulled into the driveway. He ran down the stairs to the front yard, directing the paramedics on where to go. In a few minutes, she was strapped to a gurney and being carried out the door, Arthur following them and standing in the doorway with a frown on his face. "We'll go to the hospital with them, get in the car," he ordered. "We're witnesses and we need to tell them what we saw."

The car ride was silent and tense; Arthur staring stormily out the window. He drummed his fingers on the passenger side window, trying not to focus on Arthur. The blonde glanced at him. "I think she has a chance at recovering," he reassured him. "They got there just in time. And if we hadn't shown up…"

But he didn't need to finish. They both knew very well what would have happened.

"You know something I don't," Arthur began again. "No one tries to commit suicide for no reason. You know the reason. Tell me, Merlin."

"I…" he shook his hand. "I can't say; she made me swear I wouldn't."

"She almost died, Merlin! She could still very well die!" Arthur snapped, glaring at him. "Now is not the time to be keeping secrets when her life is in danger. If something is happening, then the hospital needs to know before they do something that might put her life in danger. Please," he began in a softer tone. "If someone was hurting her, then she needs justice. She doesn't need to suffer anymore."

Merlin felt his heart wrench, throat tightening. Suicide wasn't the answer, but if Vivian's suffering could end, wouldn't that be enough? She could be free; happy. He wouldn't be free, but she had been suffering by her father's hand for years. Ever since she was a small girl, he had been coming into her room and raping her. She was more fucked up than he was. She deserved the chance to be free even more than he did. "Her father is raping her," the words tumbled out before he could stop them. "She told me a few weeks ago."

"He what?" Arthur looked so shocked, it was almost painful to look at. "Olaf, my father's friend, is raping his own daughter? Are you serious?"

"Why would I joke about something like that?" he countered, glaring at him. "She told me it's been going on ever since her mother ran off."

"Oh my God," Arthur shook his head, looking about ready to be sick. His face had paled, making his eyes stand out a lot more. "I think I'm going to be sick. How…how could no one have noticed?"

"You don't always notice," he replied softly. "Sometimes the people who we think have no problems in the world are the ones who suffer the most."

Arthur gave him a funny look, but otherwise kept silent. He pulled into the hospital driveway, the two of them walking silently inside towards the officer that stood waiting for them. The man smiled grimly, notepad in hand. "So, you two witnessed the young girl trying to drown herself?"

"Not exactly," Merlin started, shaking his head. "I was coming over to work on a school project when she called. She said she was going to kill herself, so we came over as quick as we could. My stepbrother here broke down the door and began to do CPR on her when we pulled her body out."

The officer looked to Arthur. "Is this true?"

Arthur nodded, all seriousness on his face. "Yes, officer."

The officer wrote something down, not meeting there eyes. "Do any of you know why she tried to kill herself?"

"Yes," Merlin started again. "She told me..." he swallowed, now finding it difficult to talk. She would be mad at him, no doubt, but if she could be free, than it would be okay for her. "Her father is raping her."

The officer narrowed his eyes. "Raping her? Son, that is a serious allegation to make. Are you sure?"

"That's what she told me!" he replied. "She told me it had started ever since her mum walked out on the family. I would never lie about something like this, officer. And I know she isn't lying."

The officer nodded, glancing over to the doctor walking over towards them. "I'll tell them there is a possible rape victim; we'll get the rape kit started."

He met the doctor halfway, the two of them talking quietly for several minutes before he left. The doctor, a woman in her late thirties, smiled wanly at them. "Are you the two boys that rescued Ms. Moffett?"

"Yes," the both answered at the same time.

"Well, whichever one of you performed CPR, I would like to commend you," her eyes immediately went to Arthur, who nodded once out of recognition. "But I would like to ask how you know her. Classmate from school?"

"Yes," Merlin spoke this time. "She's my partner for a school project."

"Did you know she was pregnant?"

He felt the blood drain from his face. "She…she was pregnant?" he asked, stomach twisting at the knowledge of Vivian being pregnant with her father's baby. "She was pregnant?"

"Was. The baby miscarried. We did tests over her body and we noticed some serious damage to her vaginal and reproductive systems. Officer Bradley told me that you said the father was raping her?"

"Yes," he answered gain. "She told me a few weeks ago. Ever since she was a child, but I never thought…I never imagined she would get pregnant."

"We'll do DNA test. It definitely is a rape case we're dealing with. I want to thank you two boys for being honest and getting this case to be solved quickly. I don't want this girl to suffer any more than she has."

"Hs she woken up yet?"

The doctor shook her head. "No," she looked at them sadly for a brief moment. "She might now wake up for a while. She's suffered physically and mentally for a long time and she might not have the will to wake up."

He could see Vivian, so young and damaged, in a coma forever. True, there was a chance she could live, but would she have the will to wake up? Would she even want to wake up? Arthur frowned. "Why did she tell you she was being raped?"

Merlin sighed. "Because I saw it happen."

He could feel both their eyes on him, the doctor's narrowing and Arthur's widened. He frowned. "She locked me in her closet; saying that he would kill me if I was caught. She didn't expect him to come home so early, so she had to hide me. When it was over, she told me not to tell anyone. I…I didn't know what to do. She made me swear to keep quiet!"

The doctor just shook her head. "That makes both of you witness. I'll tell Officer Bradley what you just informed us. Thank you, boys, for being honest."

She walked away in the direction the officer went. Arthur rounded on him. "Why didn't you tell someone?"

"I didn't know what to do!" it was the truth, even if it may have sounded pathetic. How did one even go up to someone and say that their friend was being raped? She begged him; threatened him not to tell anyone. He was an awful person; he should have said something and now Vivian might die because of him. "I'm sorry," he looked down at the floor, almost feeling like crying. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen. I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

"Hey," Arthur cut him off, grabbing him by the shoulders. "You did the right thing now. Yeah, we'll have to go to court and testify, but do it for her. You can do that, right?"

He nodded, appearing a lot stronger than he actually felt. While most days he felt apathetic; like nothing mattered, something in him had snapped. He wanted to kill Olaf; he wanted him to suffer even more than he had made Vivian suffer. "I want him in prison," he looked into Arthur's eyes. "No, I want him to burn in hell where he belongs."

Arthur just looked at him oddly. "You're the last person I would ever expect to hear that from," he murmured. "But I agree. Men like that deserve nothing but the worst. He will be put in jail, I can promise you that."

"Who's going to take care of her? Her mum is gone; disappeared. Who would abandon their child like that?"

"They'll probably look into it; to see if they can find her," Arthur replied calmly. "But until then, she is under police protection. Her father won't be able to hurt her now since they'll probably arrest him. If he hasn't high tailed it by now."

"You mean he'll leave the country?"

"If he can. He might try to escape the police, but I highly doubt he's smart enough to evade them forever," Arthur shook his head. "Well, this day has officially been ruined. Do you want to go get something to drink?"

"Sure," he followed Arthur out the door, feeling nothing but a combination of sadness and emptiness in his chest. _"At least Vivian's free," _he assured himself, though it didn't really do much to cease the sadness in him. _"I'll be okay. I can survive this. Just one more year and then I'll be free. I can show Vivian how strong I am. Then she won't think I'm weak."_

There was a small café nearby, only a few blocks down. The snow was falling steadily, sticking to the ground and the lamplight casting an eerie shadow on the white solution. The café was filled, despite being so small, and they managed to find a small table in the back of the room, almost completely unnoticed by the surrounding people.

They didn't speak; just quietly drank out of their cups. The hot chocolate was rich, made with real cocoa that tasted bitter, but warm in his mouth. Thoughts of Vivian were still on his mind and the thought of having to appear in court bothered him too. He could sense it bothered Arthur too, but the prat's face was like stone. Damn, he was being mysterious again. How annoying. He was like a riddle he couldn't figure out. What was he thinking about?

"Merlin,"

He jumped, Arthur's voice ringing in his ears. "What?" he asked, trying to appear as if he were fine. "What is it?"

"Quit looking so jumpy; you look like you've committed a crime."

"Sorry," he mumbled into his drink. "I'm nervous."

"Well calm down; it's making me feel worse."

He finished the rest of his drink, pushing the cup away from him. "What are we even going to do in court? Do we just stand there and tell them what we saw?"

"Pretty much," Arthur nodded. "I have never been in court myself, but I think that's what you do. We're not the ones being persecuted, so we don't really need to worry. We tell them what they saw and if they ask questions, we answer truthfully."

Merlin just raised an eyebrow. "Why aren't you studying to be a lawyer?"

"I thought about it, actually. But I like math a lot more."

"Ah, I see."

Arthur cleared his throat. "You ready to go? This place is a lot more crowded than I usually like. Oh, did you know my father throws a New Year's party every year when we get back to London.

"When do we get back?" he asked, now remembering the trip.

"The thirtieth. And then my grandparents come to London during Easter."

"That's a two hour and thirty minute flight, right?" he asked, the two of them getting up and making their way towards the exit. "Wow, I didn't expect it to be that short."

The streets were relatively vacant; with only a few people walking down. Arthur took his hand and he wouldn't deny it, a warm feeling spreading across his face and chest. He looked over to the blonde's face, with had turned a little pink from the sudden contact of their hands and quite possibly from the cold weather.

Then Arthur stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, reaching up to touch his cheek. Their lips met, soft and gentle but still chilled from the cold. He couldn't stop himself; he brought his hands up to wrap around Arthur's neck. Yes, some little kids who walked by stared, but were otherwise shushed by their parents when they asked questions.

When they're lips broke apart, Merlin felt his face flush even hotter. "What was that about?"

"I don't know; just felt like kissing you."

"But we're in public!"

"And?"

Merlin just grumbled something, which Arthur made a face at, but didn't say anything. "Are you against public displays of affection?" the prat asked, almost teasingly. "I didn't think you'd be so prudish."

"I'm surprised you know such a big word," he teased back, with just a tiny bit of bite in his voice. "And I'm not against PDA, but someone who knows us could see us and then everything would be over. Our parents would be so mad at us."

"True," Arthur nodded his head thoughtful before he pulled Merlin's hand inside a small antique shop. "Alright, we're in a shop with no one in it. May I kiss you now?"

"Fine, if you insist."

Arthur kissed him again, pulling him into a corner of the shop. While he was aware the owner of the store was probably looking as to where they were, he found he didn't really care. He threaded his hands in Arthur's golden hair, the texture soft and silky. Arthur kissed him with passion and a little bit of teeth. They tugged gently as his lower lip, tongue wiping over it softly.

"Ahem."

The owner of the shop stood before them, looking rather annoyed. "I'm going to be closing in five minutes," he snapped. "Did you bother to read the sign? Young people these days."

Merlin flushed. "Sorry, we'll be leaving now."

Arthur walked out with no shame, his hand still in Merlin's. When they were out of the shop he turned to Merlin with a cocky grin. "Was that so bad?"

"We got snarked at by an old man," he raised his eyes towards the sky. "But I suppose it could have been worse."

Arthur frowned. "Merlin, can you not tie a scarf?"

"What?"

Arthur sighed, reaching forward to tie it. "You really need to learn how to tie scarves. You can't possibly expect me to tie them forever, do you?"

Sadly, a small part inside him wanted to ask him if he would.

The twentieth, the last day of school, was crazy.

* * *

He received a few handmade gifts from his friends: a bracelet from Mithian, a pair of mittens from Freya, a bag of some American candy from Elena, and a painted guitar pic from Will that looked suspiciously hurried. He didn't mind though, and both thanked them with a hug while exchanging his own gifts with them.

Gwen, the dear thing, only made his guilt feel worse. She was heading to France over winter break, so she met them at the airport with her family. Arthur's arms were around her the whole time and he tried not to look. It made his heart ache with guilt and a tad bit of jealousy. _"Stop it,"_ he scolded himself. _"You have no reason to be jealous. You and Arthur aren't dating. You never will. Stop pining after people you can't have."_

Stupid plan, he rolled his eyes inwardly at the reminder of Arthur's stupid plan. Honestly, what was he thinking? Oh wait, he wasn't! Arthur was grounded on his emotions; it was how he operated. Not that he was dumb, but he trusted his emotions sometimes more than his brain.

"Merlin?"

He turned around to see Gwen, smiling at her. "Merry Christmas, Gwen!" he gave her a hug. "You have a wonderful break, alright?"

"I will," she leaned up to kiss his cheek. Her parents were chatting with his and Elyan was now in a conversation with Arthur. "And you have a wonderful break too. Don't let Arthur push you around too much, eh?"

"I won't," he laughed, shivering slightly as he felt Uther's eyes on him. "And you bring me back some French bread. I've heard it's really good."

"I will!"

Her family then left, with Gwen giving Arthur one last kiss. For two hours, he sat next to Arthur. The blonde remained quiet during the trip, earbuds plugged into his ears and head jamming out slightly to the music. He found himself falling asleep through the flight most of the time, only to wake up to nightmares. He kept his composure, but every time he tried to sleep, he would only wake up again.

Málaga, Spain, was a beautiful city. With white painted houses that were old and the Mediterranean sea stood out. They would head out tomorrow with Arthur's grandparents to spend a day at the beach. Uther's parents, Robert and Catherine Pendragon, were two of the nicest people Merlin had ever met. So nice, it almost made him want to shout at them that their son was shagging him every night against his will. But he didn't. He didn't think he would ever tell anyone.

So that night, as he unpacked, he wasn't the least surprised when Uther opened the door to his room. "What are you doing?" he asked wearily, feeling the older man lay two hands on his shoulders. "You're in your parents' house. Don't you have any shame?"

Uther just forced him to turn around, placing a finger over his lips. "Quiet love, for now," he murmured, tracing his lips over his cheek. "These walls are sound proof as well. Did you think my parents were cheap enough to not buy an expensive home?"

He was tempted to cry, but he didn't. He just kept his face blank and composed. Uther stripped him and himself, kissing him and trailing down his body. He found himself flipped onto his stomach, face in his pillow as Uther spread his legs.

He shut down after that, trying to think of Arthur and the first time he'd given him the scarf.

* * *

_And it's all fun and games,_

_Till somebody falls in love,_

_But you already bought a ticket,_

_And there's no turning back now_

_~Carousel by Melanie Martinez~_

**Alright, review guys! Whoever guesses correctly on what might happen next gets a free oneshot! I promise! I really do; I love writing one shots! Vivian, poor girl! I hope her father burns in hell for that. **


	13. Black

_**Author's note:** Sorry for the wait! I know, I know, you all hate waiting, but college comes first. I've been super busy for midterm and I have to be doing well. This is my future we're talking about. So, enjoy this chapter! I'll put the next one out as soon as I can! Please review and have a great week!_

_**Warnings:**__ Murder_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. Except for minor OCs_

_When everything has turned to black,_

_You don't know where to go,_

_You need something to justify your soul,_

_Silences are broken,_

_Confidence is gone,_

_When everything you're holding onto falls_

_**(Merlin's p.o.v)**_

He didn't think he'd like the beach, but he was quite satisfied with the fact that he did.

Merlin dug his toes into the sand, the grittiness of the particles scraping against the bottom soles f his feet. It was a little too cold to go into the sea today, but he placed his feet into the water. The Mediterranean was surprisingly warm, the waves getting the bottom ends of his jeans wet, but he didn't care.

"It's nice, isn't it?" his mum commented as they walked along the shore, his arm looped in hers.

"It is," he agreed, watching a seagull land on a rock, pocking around on the sandy stone. "The beach in Ireland is too cold."

"Well we did go at a colder time of the year," she retorted, but patted his arm. "And it's a different landscape than Spain is. "

"True," he recalled the last time they went to a beach. He was five years old; two months before his father died. He observed his mother as she sighed happily, moving a few loose ends of dark hair from her face. She still didn't look completely healthy after her trip to the hospital. Her skin looked kind of ashy and her eyes had dark circles under them. She was tired a lot too; and didn't have energy to get up some days. "How are you feeling, Mum?"

"Tired," she replied, squeezing his hand. "But happy. It's you, Merlin, I'm worried about."

"Why?"

"You're too thin," she pointed out. "You've lost a lot of weight; you'll look like a walking skeleton if this keeps up. You've been distant, Merlin. If I've done something; anything to make you upset…"

"It's not you," he cut in, stopping from their walk. "I just have been feeling a bit under the weather, that's all."

She didn't look convinced. "I think a bit under the weather is an understatement."

"Well it's true."

She pursed her lips. "I'm not going to argue with you two days before Christmas. I don't want to soil our holiday. But if something's bothering you; anything at all, I want you to know you can tell me. I know about what happened to that Vivian girl and I know you two are friends when she wakes up, I want you to let her know that if she needs somewhere to stay, she's always welcome in our home."

The reminder of Vivian still in a coma made his stomach sink. "I'll tell her," he nodded. "But I think the authorities are still looking for her mother. You know she disappeared, right?"

"I had heard something along those lines," his mum looked up at it him with worried eyes. "But I do know that when people don't want to be found, they tend to do a pretty good job at staying hidden."

"Hunith!"

They both turned around, seeing Catherine run towards them. For a seventy something year old woman, she could still run pretty fast. "Hunith, are you ready to go have tea? Robert and Uther are waiting for us."

"Of course," his mother smiled, turning to him. "You remember how to get back to the house, right?"

"Yes, Mum."

"And you have a spare key, right?"

"Yes, Mum."

She kissed his cheek, hugging him gently. "Then please get home safely. I don't want you getting lost around here."

He laughed. "Mum, I do know a little Spanish. I don't think getting lost will be a problem."

"If you're sure," she patted his cheek gently. "We're going shopping afterwards, so I won't see you till later this evening. I love you, Merlin."

"Love you too, Mum."

She took off with Arthur's grandmother, the two of them starting up a rather vibrant conversation. He watched them as they disappeared up the steps to exit the beach, the wind ruffling his dark hair. The loneliness crept back in along with the icy numbness in his chest. He hated lying to her. He hated feeling this way; the aching despair of not knowing what to do. Just last night, after Uther left his room, he had a panic attack. He just lay on the floor of his guest room shaking, heart pounding against his chest and his breathing was uneven. It lasted for only ten minutes, but it left him feeling sick the whole night and into the morning.

He made his way out of the beach, phone buzzing in his pocket. He could see Elena's photo appear on the screen as she texted him, but it did little to calm the panic rising in him. The last thing he needed was to get people's attention. He couldn't have people look at him! So he tried to distract himself by looking at her message.

**Hey Merl! How's that prat doing? Is he annoying you yet?**

He gave a faint smile, fingers a little numb from the cold as he typed a response back.

**The prat is the same as always lol but he's been good for the most part. Christmas Eve is tomorrow!**

Her response was not even a minute later.

**Well duh! Mithian is spending the day with me tomorrow since Dad has a stupid meeting. Really, a meeting on Christmas? Lame.**

He could hear music coming from the house, a song that sounded like it could be in a James Bond film. He opened the door, finding Arthur dancing in the middle of the room with an imaginary partner. While it was highly amusing, he wouldn't deny that the blonde was a very good dancer. Not surprising since he played both rugby and football. Oh, and did fencing as well.

"I didn't peg you for a dancer," he half joked, leaning against the doorframe. "Since when did you know how to dance?"

Arthur, though he would never say it out loud, blushed fiercely. "Morgana taught me," he answered, almost embarrassedly. "She took me to a Tango course and um, I liked it," he nodded his head to confirm it, trying to wipe the embarrassed look off his face. "I still practice sometimes."

"What does Uther say?"

"He says that only gay boys dance."

He rolled his eyes, the irony almost making him want to laugh. "Well, how do you Tango? I've always wanted to learn."

"Sure you can handle it?" Arthur smirked. "It can get pretty intense."

"I'm sure if a prat like you can do it, so can I."

Arthur shrugged, rewinding the song. "Very well; I guess I can show you a few moves. Since I know more, you can follow my lead. Now, put your hands here," he adjusted his hands so that his left hand was under the blonde's shoulder and the placed in his hand. "Now, you step back and then I go to you. Remember, I'm leading."

It wasn't easy, but Arthur seemed to know what he was doing. He accidentally stepped on his step-brother's toe; face going red with shame, but Arthur just shrugged. "I stepped on Morgana; so I understand. She was pretty annoyed though."

"Yeah, I can imagine she didn't like that."

The song was passionate, a very sensual rhythm playing. With the sun beginning to sink lower in the sky, the golden brown room glowed with warmth. Arthur tried to explain a few more moves to him, but soon it just became the two of them slow dancing in the middle of the room. The entire world seemed to disappear and he wouldn't deny it. The moment was turning romantic very quickly and he squished down the need to escape. _"Arthur's not going to hurt you," _he scolded himself. _"He wouldn't ever hurt you."_

He kept saying that to himself, but it only eased the panic a little. The music was slower now, sounding vaguely like a waltz. He knew how to a waltz a little, but he was so out of practice. Arthur just shrugged at the song, bringing his head closer to Merlin's. "Can I kiss you?" he asked gently, almost bizarrely out of character. However, it was rather considerate that he asked.

"Sure," he nodded, heart fluttering,

Arthur kissed him and it felt really nice. Uther's kisses were always forceful and cold, but Arthur's were soft and gentle. He knew this was unfair to Gwen; that she didn't deserve this, but as their kiss became for passionate, he found that he didn't care. A red flag flashed in his mind and he could almost hear the warning bells, but it was too late.

He was falling for his step-brother, the one thing he'd promised himself he wouldn't do.

* * *

**(Uther's p.o.v)**

"You've got to help me, Uther! I've been your friend for years! Don't turn me into the police!"

Olaf was a complete disaster. Hair greasy and unkempt, his fancy suit having seen better days. He looked like he hadn't slept for days; eyes red and bloodshot. He held a cup of tea in his hands, fully aware of the death glare Uther was giving him.

"You've put me in a terrible position, Olaf. If the authorities catch you, then there's a chance they'll find out about me as well! Those officers that deal with cases like these are merciless! They'll crack you and then every secret you have will pour out."

"I won't tell them about your step-son!" Olaf protested, jaw quivering. "I just need to get out of England! I tried, but they've cancelled all my cards and access to my plane. They're closing in on me, Uther!"

"And that's my problem how?"

"Please!" Olaf was begging now. "We've been friends for years! I would never betray you!"

"Did you know she was pregnant?" Uther asked, leaning back in his seat. "The baby miscarried, but she was pregnant with her _father's _baby. Sickening."

"And fucking your step-son isn't disgusting?" Olaf shot back.

"Well at least he can't get pregnant!" Uther snapped, Olaf cowering slightly. "And I make sure that my step-son isn't going around telling people of our relationship. I can't take any more chances, Olaf. Surely you must understand that."

Olaf frowned. "What are you implying, Uther?"

He stood up, facing his friend solemnly. He stepped around the table one hand wrapping around the object in his pocket and placed a hand around his friend's shoulder. "Please understand I'm doing this for my own safety. I will help you, Olaf. I will help you get out of England."

Olaf smiled, relief hitting his features. "Thank you, Uther. But what are you going to do?"

Uther smiled and pulled the gun out of his pocket. Before Olaf had any time to react, he pressed the muzzle of the gun to his friend's head and let go of the trigger. The sound echoed hollowly as blood trickled down Olaf's temple, his eyes going doll and his body slumping over. He placed the gun in the man's hand, making it look that he committed suicide.

He left the building, knowing full well he would never be suspected of having been there. He had a surprise meeting in London and truthfully he had no idea where Olaf was until he called him from a telephone booth. He knew Olaf had to die; he truly did not take any pleasure out of killing him. But no one could find out about his relationship with Merlin. If someone were to find out, Merlin would have to die. He couldn't ruin his reputation or Arthur's.

So on the morning of Christmas Eve, it was all over the news that Olaf Moffett had committed suicide yesterday afternoon. He hid his reaction, but he could see how shocked Merlin and Arthur were. Both of them lost their appetites soon after, but he reveled in Merlin's discomfort. _"Let this be a lesson," _he said to himself, though he would direct it to Merlin later. _"There is no escape for you, boy. You are mine!"_

* * *

**(Christmas Eve, Merlin's p.o.v)**

He had to get out of the house. He had to. Lying to his mother was not something he was proud of, but he needed time alone. So he wandered the streets of Malaga, hands in his pockets and head down to fight the wind. He wasn't sure where he was exactly, but he knew he was downtown. Shops littered the streets, though most were closed or were beginning to close.

As he walked down the sidewalk, it hit him that he didn't have a present for Arthur. He stopped in front of a photography shop, noticing the different frames for photos and remembering that the frame that held Arthur's mother's picture was looking like it would fall apart any moment. Maybe he would like a new frame? While it wasn't the most romantic, it was still a nice gesture.

He opened the door to the shop, bells jingling as he did. The shop was empty, with no customers or employees. "Hello?" he called out before amending himself. "Hola?"

"Un momento!" a feminine voice called out from the back of the shop. "Dame un Segundo, por favor!"

The door to the back of the shop opened and a woman entered. She set the cardboard box down, moving loose strands of blonde hair from her face. When their gazes met, they both froze.

Standing right in front of him, was Ygraine Pendragon, alive and in the flesh.

* * *

_All the rules are changing now,_

_You're living in sin,_

_When everything around you's caving in,_

_And all you're holding onto slippin' like water through you hands_

_~Black by Kari Kimmel~_

**Review please! I love hearing what you have to say!**


	14. Take me to Church

_**Author's note:** Oh, things are going to heat up pretty soon! The reveal will be coming soon, I promise! Then more angst will come! I hope you're all ready for it. That's all I have to say for now._

_**Warnings:** Rape_

_**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but minor OCs_

_My lover's got humor,_

_He's the giggle at a funeral,_

_Knows everybody's disapproval_

_I should've worshiped him sooner,_

_If the heavens ever did speak,_

_He's the last true mouthpiece,_

_Every Sunday's getting more bleak,_

_A fresh poison each week,_

_We were born sick; you heard them say it,_

_My church offers no absolute; tells me worship in the bedroom,_

_The only heaven I'll be sent to is when I'm alone with you_

* * *

_**(Merlin's p.o.v)**_

"Take a seat. Do you want anything to drink? We a have a fresh pot of peppermint tea."

"Sure," he nodded his head numbly, mind still racing as he stared at the blonde woman. No, as he stared at Arthur's _mother. _

The wind howled lowly at the window, tapping against the thick glass. He paid no mind to it; rather he observed the contents of the little office. He was occupying a soft red chair, its companion facing him with a small table in the middle. A fireplace was going and he could feel the heat touch his cold skin. A kettle was keeping warm on the small stove nearby, which Ygraine was currently monitoring with heavy blue eyes. A dark haired woman leaned against a doorframe, arms crossed over her chest and violet colored eyes staring at him intensely. He tried not to pay any attention to her.

"Here," Ygraine placed a cup filled with tea in his hand, the aroma of peppermint tickling his nose. "Would you like anything in it?"

"No," he shook his head. "No thank you."

She set her own cup down, glancing over at her friend. "This is Nimueh, Merlin. She's my best friend since childhood. She co-owns the shop with me."

"A pleasure to meet you," Nimueh said in a tone that suggested otherwise.

"Nice to meet you," he replied to her softly, bringing the cup up to his lips. The tea was good; a bit spicy. He set the cup on the nearest costar, eyes now wide as he looked at Ygraine. "I…I don't know what to say. Everyone thinks you're-"

"Dead?" Ygraine cut off. "Ran away?"

"Yeah."

She set down her cup, lips pursed together. "That was the way it was supposed to be. Didn't you ever find it odd that no one could specifically say what happened to me? It was because they don't know. No one knew. That was, until now," she gave him a long look. "You must think I'm an awful person."

Every fiber in his body wanted to say yes, but he paused, studying her for a moment. She looked tired, almost sad in a way. "I want to say yes," he started, almost catching her off guard. "But I want to know why you left. Why you abandoned Arthur."

Her eyes flashed angrily for a moment. "Don't you even think for a minute that I abandoned my son!" she snapped. Then the angry look faded and she wrung her hands together, bringing them to her face. "I'm sorry, please forgive me, Merlin. I shouldn't have snapped."

"Please, continue," he stated gently, not wanting to make her mad again.

She glanced at him briefly. "I was married to Uther for nine years. He was kind in the first few months; a perfect gentlemen," he knew where this was going; his stomach churning violently. "After our first year of marriage though, he started to change. He got more aggressive and violent. He hit me several times; pushed me down the stairs once. The media covered it up by saying it was an accident, but the servants in the house know better. He paid them even more money to keep their mouths shut."

"He did that?" he asked, not really surprised. "Why didn't you divorce him? Or sue?"

"Because I was young and naive," she looked so disgusted with herself. "I kept lying to myself; saying that he would get better. By our second year of marriage, he started talking about children. We tried, but it would be seven years before I had a baby. But during those years, he kept getting more and more aggressive. He was controlling as well. Never letting me leave the house without an escort or his permission. He even banned me from seeing my best friend," she looked sadly to Nimueh. "He said if Nimueh ever came over again, he'd kill her."

"You never told anyone, did you?" he asked softly.

"My own mother didn't believe me," she sighed. "Even when she saw Uther slap me. She said I needed to toughen up and be a good wife. She scorned me for not having children right away, even when the doctors told me I might never have children."

Things were quiet for a moment. Excluding the wind howling against the glass and the fire crackling in the hearth. Ygraine took a long sip of tea, sky blue eyes now dark with memories and events she did not want to revisit. It was almost ironic in a sense, being here and talking with a woman who had experienced almost the same situation he was in now.

"I knew things had reached their peak when he raped me."

He froze, jaw now tense as he looked to her with horrified eyes. She stared down at the table. "He had always been rough, but one night when I told him I wasn't in the mood, he attacked me. Slapped me and pulled my clothes off. It was awful and it wasn't the last time he did it either. In early February, 1998, I found out I was pregnant. He had raped me a few weeks ago in January and when I noticed the symptoms, I felt distraught. What if he hit the baby? What if the baby turned out to be like him?"

"Arthur's not!" he protested. "He's a good person; nothing like his father!"

"You think I don't know my own son?" she asked quietly. "I found out a little bit later that Uther had an affair with a friend of mine, Vivienne. Vivienne had lost her husband a few years ago and wasn't handling it well. Uther took advantage of that and as a result, she got pregnant. I was angry at first, but then Uther assured me that he wouldn't even acknowledge the child as his own. In that moment, I wasn't angry at Vivienne anymore, rather I felt sorry for her. I never spoke to her again after that, but there's not a day that goes by that I do not think of her."

"She's doing well," he spoke up, though not entirely sure what to say. "Morgause has a fiancé. Vivienne runs her own business and is very happy."

"That's good," Ygraine smiled genuinely. "And before you ask, I know about Mordred."

"How do you know?" he asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes. "And how did you know about me? We've never met before."

"I have someone inside Uther's house," Ygraine explained patiently. "They keep me informed about what's going on. When I found out the circumstances of Mordred's birth, I wanted to return and assure my son that he wasn't and never will be a disgusting monster and that I love him no matter what, but I couldn't."

He could understand why, even though he felt horrible for Arthur. "When you ran away, why didn't you take Arthur with you?"

She smiled sadly, tears welling up in her eyes. "I knew he would be safe. Uther loves him; he would never lay a hand on him. He loved that little boy so much that I knew he would be safe and unharmed. If I had taken him with me, Uther would have come after us. I knew he would be safer if he stayed behind and would be taken care of; never be denied anything."

"He thinks you abandoned him."

"I know," she sighed. "If I could tell him the truth, I would. But I can't, Merlin. He would hate me; push me away. I understand how he feels, but I did it to protect him. And look how wonderful he turned out. I am so proud of him," her eyes shone with motherly affection and pride. "I love him, Merlin. Please don't think that I don't. Dislike me however much you like, but understand that I did what I thought would be best."

"I can try to understand," he offered, not feeling much anger for her anymore. Rather sympathy and understanding. "Except I'm not a parent."

The upper corners of her lips twitched, but then faded. "How is he treating your mother?" she asked cautiously.

"He never hits her or…rapes her," he found it hard to say the word. "He treats her like a queen."

She stared at him for a long time, piercing eyes observing his face. For a long minute, she reminded him of Arthur when he was trying to figure something out. "He's hurting you, isn't he?" she stated hollowly. "He's forcing himself on you."

He wanted to deny it, but knew he couldn't in front of this woman. "Yes," he replied in a weak tone, looking away from her. "It happened the first day of their marriage."

She moved away from her seat, heading over to wrap her arms around him. "I'm so sorry," she began, voice tickling his ear. He froze in her embrace, not knowing exactly what to do. She was warm, with the scent of lilac perfume. She sounded so sad for him and he knew she was being sincere. "He's a monster, but I never thought he would go after someone Arthur's age. I'm so sorry, Merlin."

He felt the tears well up before he could stop them. They poured down his cheeks like spring rain, dripping onto his knuckles. It was like a dam exploded and he sobbed in her arms, holding onto her for dear life. She smoothed down his hair, full of motherly love and kindness, even though her own son was far away.

"It took me a long time to recover," she explained as his sobs died down. "I set up a photo shop in Lithuania with Nimueh. We were poor, with a barely any money, but it was better than being with Uther. We just moved to Malaga last summer, and I just found out Uther's parents moved here. The last thing I want is for Uther to find me."

"I won't tell him," he wiped his eyes, feeling a little bit better. "I won't tell Arthur, either."

"You won't?"

He shook his head. "Not unless you want me to."

She kissed his forehead, hand still in hers. "I'm not quite ready to face my son. Maybe I won't ever be, but I'll give you my number anyway. Just in case you need to…talk to someone. I'm right here."

"Thanks," he took the little sticky note Nimueh handed him. "It's probably time for me to go."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," he nodded his head. "My Mum will probably get worried. Oh, I still need a present for Arthur."

"Here," she lifted a picture frame off the table. Sleek and polished black with little silver dragons on the edges. "I just made this. It should fit the picture I gave him before I left. You can have it; no charge."

"Really?"

"Yes," she patted his cheek. "Now, you shouldn't keep your mother waiting."

"Right," he gave a shaky smile, grabbing his coat and putting it on slowly. "Thanks, for everything."

"It's no problem, Merlin," when she smiled, it made her look younger; brighter. "And remember, if you ever need anything, you can call me."

"I will."

He left the shop, shivering against the wind as he made his way back up the street. He held Arthur's gift tightly in his hand. An hour later, he made it home with an almost frozen face, which his Mum fretted over. He went to the bathroom to freshen up for Church service that evening, almost bumping into Arthur on the way there.

Much to his misfortune, he was seated next to Uther at church. The man didn't pay any attention to him, he just looked at his mother lovingly. Arthur sat to his left and when the pastor talked about the love Mary had for Jesus, he felt Arthur squeeze his hand under the pew. The eyes of the Virgin Mary met his and for a moment, he almost felt ashamed.

Christmas passed, and they left Spain. He didn't get a chance to visit Ygraine, but he did text her to tell her they were leaving. The night he was in his room, he didn't even bother to get in his pajamas. Uther was there at exactly eleven. It was the same routine. He'd strip him, flip him onto his stomach, and pound into him.

Really, it was almost becoming monotonous.

He found himself numb to it, biting his screams into his pillow. He felt nothing; only hollow emptiness. There was no hope. No way to escape this nightmare.

Surprisingly though, Uther didn't visit him again in the next few nights. He claimed he was too busy with the New Year Party, but Merlin found he didn't care. As long as he got some peace and quiet, he was fine.

Lots of people came to the party. Students from school, including his friends were there. Friends and acquaintances of Uther and his mother. Morgana and her sister showed up, along with her sister's fiancé. He didn't get a chance to talk with Morgana, but she did assure him that they would speak later.

Uther spared no expense for the party. Exquisite food and live music was brought and the back yard was full of people. The night wasn't even that cold, but thirty minutes before midnight, he needed to get away. He found one of the guest rooms, feeling too paranoid to go into his own. He leaned out the wind sill, letting the cool air hit his face.

"What are you doing here all by yourself?"

He jumped at Arthur's voice, turning swiftly around to face the other boy. Arthur had cleaned up, hair frosted and gleaming in the light. He smelled of sharp cologne and had a little bit of sweat from all the dancing he had been doing with Gwen and his friends. He found himself blushing, and his throat tightened. "I just needed quiet; I don't know a lot of the people out there."

"I don't either," Arthur shrugged, sitting the on the end of the bed. "Some of them I think snuck in."

"How'd that happen?" he asked, sitting next to his step-brother.

"Who knows," the prat shrugged. "I noticed you disappeared and went to go find you. Are you having female troubles?"

"Jerk," he rolled his eyes at the blonde's joke. "No, I just needed to get away. A lot…a lot has changed this year."

"I know," Arthur agreed. "My dad got remarried.

"My Mum got remarried."

"I got a step-brother."

"I also got a step-brother."

He felt Arthur lean into him, their lips meeting gently. The music from outside echoed in his ears, but if he let go for a moment, all he could hear was the sound of Arthur breathing and the movement of their lips. It was closed mouthed; rather sweet in a way till he felt Arthur brush his lower lip. He opened his mouth automatically; the once cool room now becoming hot.

The kiss got more passionate. Whether it was supposed to get that way or not, he had no idea. One moment they were sitting on the edge of the bed and the next, he was lying down with Arthur on top of him. He trailed his hands through Arthur's hair, and suddenly, he could feel Arthur everywhere. His hand sliding down his body, the feel of his lips and tongue against his. He couldn't get enough and before he could process it, just kissing Arthur wasn't enough.

Apparently Arthur had the same idea. His hands went from running up and down his sides to under his shirt. His arm hands brushed over Merlin's flat stomach, fingers tracing their way up to his nipples. He gasped, arching his hips up to meet Arthur's. Arthur paused, hands still wandering around his body. Merlin cupped his hands around Arthur's face, kissing him even more intensely that Arthur gasped into his mouth. His hips slammed down against his, providing a friction that Merlin had never found to be pleasurable till now. Everything was hot and right now he really wanted to take his clothes off and feel Arthur's bare skin against his.

Then Arthur's face changed into Uther's and he abruptly pulled away from Arthur, a string of saliva still connected to their lips. He wiped it away, Arthur now sitting up at the end of his feet. "You okay?" he asked, concern now written all over him.

"Yeah," he responded. "I just needed some air."

Arthur's phone rang and he could hear the people outside starting the countdown. They sat next to each other, hands entwined together.

5

4

3

2

1

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Arthur turned to him with a grin. "Happy New Year, Merlin."

"Happy New Year, Arthur."

He noticed the blonde's phone vibrate, the image of Gwen pulling up. Arthur lifted it and it the ignore button. He leaned back, wrapping his arms around Merlin in an embrace that made him feel warm, and dare he say it, safe.

He wished they could stay that way forever.

* * *

_Take me to church,_

_I'll worship like a dog in the shrine of your lies,_

_I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife,_

_Offer me that deathless death,_

_Good God, let me give you my life_

_~Take me to Church by Hozier~_

**Review please!**


	15. Hirai, Hirai

_**Author's note:** I think you all will like the ending of this chapter. It was kind of sad to write, but the big reveal is only a few chapters away. You might like this chapter, you might not. Who knows for sure._

_**Warnings:** Mentions of rape_

_**Disclaimer:** I think you all know the disclaimer by now XD_

_Like a flower floating endlessly on,_

_Will you grip those sheds, never let go,_

_Holding tightly tightly in between your hands,_

_Please never let them go,_

_Fainting from the weight of words poured down on me,_

_I could bear their pain no more,_

_Turning from your face and into dreams so pure I could cry,_

_Then I wake to see that you had been long gone_

* * *

_**(Merlin's p.o.v)**_

Another week passed and school started up again. He wasn't sad about it; rather he was relieved that he wouldn't have to be around Uther 24/7. Arthur had kept to himself the remainder of the holiday, both of them still a little flushed over what had happened during the party. Sure they had kissed before, but never had it gone that far. He almost had a raging hard on after that make out session. If it happened again, what if Arthur went back on his word and wanted sex?

His birthday was the day after and it was a pretty quiet affair. He didn't need a huge party and he mainly just hung out with his mother that day. Arthur did get him some new music, which was pretty thoughtful and made his heart tingle a bit. Of course, the day was ruined when Uther came into his room that night. He was sore the next few days, having to lie and say he fell on his butt.

School passed rather tediously. His grades were still perfect, but he knew his health was deteriorating. How much longer could he put up with this? By the last week of January, he barely had the energy to get out of bed. Every day was becoming more of a struggle, but he refused to break. He couldn't allow Uther to destroy him like this.

He shook his head clear of those thoughts as he pushed the doors to the hospital open. He made his way to the second floor wing of the building, giving small smiles to the doctors and nurses who walked past him. Just last night he'd been informed that Vivian had woken up from her coma and he knew the last thing she needed right now was to be alone.

"Hey," he knocked on the door, the girl turning her head to face him. He stepped inside, sitting on the edge of her bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Numb," she responded, wringing her hands in the blanket placed on her lap. "I don't feel anything."

"Did they tell you?"

She nodded, eyes downcast. "They told me he killed himself a few weeks ago. It's all over the news now about what he did," she glared down at the white material in her lap. "Reporters came in today, asking me if I was sad or angry, but all I wanted was for them to go away. I never wanted anyone to find out. I just…thought if I could put up with it for another year then I would be able to escape."

He swallowed, looking at the IV hooked to her arm. "What was it like?" he asked softly. "Being in a coma?"

"I don't remember," she shook her head. "It felt like being asleep for a really long time. I could hear the people around me, but I just couldn't wake up. The last thing I remember is going underwater. I wanted to die, Merlin. Why did you pull me out?"

He wasn't ready for her to snap at him, scooting back a little at her harsh glare. "I just knew you were in danger, Vivian," he countered firmly. "You don't deserve to die like that. You don't deserve any of this. And….I didn't want to be left behind."

She relaxed a little, taking his hand. "This isn't the first time I've been pregnant," she started in a shaky voice. "The first time was last year. Daddy found out and immediately scheduled an abortion. I don't even believe in abortion and it was horrible," she shivered. "So when I found out I was pregnant again, I couldn't do it. I lost it, Merlin. Think what you want, but I just couldn't handle it. I thought it would be best if I just died."

"Arthur was the one who performed CPR," he told her. "I just called the ambulance."

"Better than nothing," she shrugged. "They still can't find my Mum, so they've been talking about Foster Care."

"Are you serious?"

She sighed in irritation. "Yes," she glanced up at his face. "The last thing I want is for that to happen. I don't need new parents. I don't need some man acting like he's my father. I haven't been a child in a long time," her eyes were faraway. "I don't know how to feel. It scares me."

He squeezed her tiny hand. "He was a coward to commit suicide. He deserves to rot in hell for what he did."

"Hell's too good for him," she spat darkly. "I wanted him to suffer in prison; be bullied by his inmates. If he committed suicide than, I wouldn't care if he died. He got out of this too easy. It's not fair!"

Tears poured down her cheeks; her hands wiping them away furiously. "I hate him," she cried, sobs wracking her body. "I hate him, I hate him, I hate him! And Mum too; for leaving me! Why did she leave?"

"She probably didn't know what would happen," he held her body in his arms, a soothing hand going over her back. "Maybe your father was hurting her too."

"Or she hated me," she buried her head in his shoulder. "I think she always wanted to escape; to start a new life. A life without Daddy and me."

"Who knows," Merlin shook his head. "If they do find her though, she better have a damn good reason as to why she left. I'm going to step outside for a minute, okay?"

"Alright," she nodded, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "Don't be too late. Or I'll kick you out."

He gave a small smirk, noting her usual tone of voice. "I'll try not to be," he closed the door behind him, heading over to the drinking fountain. When he was done drinking, he wiped his mouth with his sleeve, jumping when someone tapped him on the back. He whirled around, surprised to see the doctor who was in charge of Vivian.

"Excuse me," she smiled grimly. "You're one of Ms. Moffett's friends aren't you? The one who brought her in."

"Yeah," he nodded. "What can I do?"

"We have some news regarding her mother. I think it would be best if she had someone with her when we tell her."

He followed the doctor to her room, Vivian glancing at the woman. "Back so soon?" she asked the woman. "Don't tell me my IV needs changed again."

"No," the doctor shook her head. "We have news regarding your mother."

"Yes?"

"A few weeks ago, two bodies were found unearthed in a field. DNA tests were ran and I'm sorry, Ms. Moffett. Your mother and the man we found with her have been dead for ten years. Bullets were found in their bodies; matching a gun that was found in your father's study. More than likely it was your father who killed them; I'm so sorry."

The doctor gave them one long look of sympathy before leaving. Vivian stared at the wall with blank eyes. "I'm not surprised," she stated after a long moment of silence "I think a part of me always knew she was dead. Now I know I was right."

"I'm sorry," he felt her take his hand again. "Does this mean you'll go into Foster care?"

"Doubt it," she shook her head. "What couple wants to take in a recently turned seventeen year old girl who's been raped since childhood?"

"You never know," he shook his head. "But you'll be eighteen on this year's Christmas. Then you can leave them. All of your father's money goes directly to you."

"I don't care," she grumbled. "I just don't want new parents. If they put me in a home, I might go even more insane. Damaged goods, you know?"

'I understand," he knew that she knew he was referring to himself. "I never did get to tell you happy birthday."

"Happy Birthday to you too," she gave a half smile. "January first, right?"

"Yup. Seventeen on New Year's day."

She patted his cheek, shaking her head. "Another year of life," she was trying to sound wise, but he could see the smirk on her face. "Another year of worthless and meaningless existence."

"At least you're free," he almost felt envious that her nightmare was over. He felt bad after feeling that; considering she had practically no one left. "No one can come and touch you now. You don't have to be awake every night waiting for him to come and touch you."

"The nightmares," she shivered. "I wake up screaming sometimes, even though I keep telling myself he's gone. It's like he's still here; waiting to get me when I least expect it."

"You have me," he nodded, knowing what she was feeling. "If you want me to come over for a while, I will."

"Thanks," she moved her hair back. "I'm getting kind of tired now. I think you should start heading home."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," she nudged him off her bed, lying down on her pillows. "Visit me soon, okay? I have no idea when these sons of bitches are releasing me."

"Alright," he cracked a smile. "I'll visit soon. Good bye."

"Bye."

He made his way out of the hospital, the cold air slapping against his face. While was glad that Vivian was getting better and that her bastard of a father couldn't hurt her now, his heart felt heavy. Why couldn't it be Uther who died? Why couldn't he be free? He couldn't commit suicide; he just couldn't do that to his mother. He didn't want her to go into that catatonic like depression again after his Da died.

She still wasn't feeling well, and the last thing he wanted for her was to worry. She had enough on her mind right now.

Then he thought of Arthur and his heart skipped a beat. It was wrong, so very wrong. But every day just got worse. He wanted the blonde; wanted him so very badly, but he couldn't have him. Arthur didn't need someone like him. He didn't need damaged goods. In two months, he would still be with Gwen and things would go back to the way they were.

Only he would still be in love and Arthur would pretend they never had anything.

* * *

**(Arthur's p.o.v)**

"You've been pretty quiet. Is everything okay?"

He looked to Gwen from the sketch he was working on, her dark eyes observing him carefully. "You haven't called in a while or wanted to do anything. I was wondering if I did something or-"

"I'm sorry, Gwen," he apologized, guilt gnawing at him. She didn't deserve this, but this was all so confusing. "I've just been preoccupied with stuff. I didn't mean to push you away like that."

She nodded, but he could tell she didn't look convinced. "It's okay," she replied softly. "It's just…we haven't really talked since November. We barely hang out anymore."

"How about this Saturday? I don't have practice and I know this really corny movie we could go see."

She smiled, but he noticed it didn't exactly reach her eyes. "Sure," she nodded before glancing down at the watch on her wrist. "I have to go to work now. See you Saturday."

She leaned into kiss him and he met her lips. Once upon a time, there had been a spark, but now there was nothing. She pulled back, and he could swear there were tears welling up in her eyes. She disappeared before he could say anything, but there was no need for words. She knew the spark wasn't there either.

He loved Gwen, he really did, but it wasn't the same. That burning desire he'd once had for her had transitioned over to someone else. It was time he stopped denying it. He didn't love Gwen the way he had before. He pushed back the feeling of sadness, but he could feel his throat catch. Was falling out of love supposed to be this painful? Falling in love was crazy and often times he didn't understand it, but this pain was different. It felt like someone stabbed him in the heart.

He knew Gwen felt the same. Whether not she was acknowledging it was a different story. This wasn't fair to her; she didn't deserve to be led on. Question was how to end things with her. He didn't want to hurt her, but he would not lie and say that she wouldn't be hurt. This was confusing and he didn't like it, but what else could he do? Be in a loveless relationship and have them both be miserable? No, he wanted someone better for her. Someone who would love her unconditionally.

He didn't mean to fall in love with Merlin; he truly didn't. At first he thought it was lust. He was attracted to him the first day they met, but he couldn't act on those feelings and did his best to ignore them. As the months wore on, he couldn't help it. That goofy smile and warm personality was enchanting. There was just so much of Merlin that he found wonderful. Even his clumsiness he found adorable.

At first he was disgusted with himself. Could it be considered incest when it was with your step-brother? They wouldn't have eleven fingered babies out of it, but it would still get the public's attention. He had no doubt that Merlin wouldn't be able to handle it.

He headed into his house, making a beeline for his room. He lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with blank eyes. "I'm in love with Merlin," he said to himself, trying to get used to saying that. It felt odd at first, but then after saying it a few times, his heart fluttered. Like how it used to flutter around Gwen. "Shit, I don't know what to do."

The one thing he did know is that he couldn't lead Gwen along like this anymore. It was time to end things with her.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. He got up, opening it to reveal said step-brother. Merlin looked at him almost timidly. "Arthur, I need to say something."

"Me too."

He closed the door behind him. The next few seconds were a blur. Suddenly their hands were all over each other and their lips smashing against one another. He wrapped his arms around Merlin's lower back, their bodies now very close to one another. "Merlin," he panted, in between kisses. "Merlin,"

"What?" Merlin asked, dark blue eyes wide and confused. "I don't understand this, Arthur. But-"

"I love you," Arthur finished. "I love you, not Gwen. I don't want to be with her anymore; I want you."

"You don't want to be with Gwen?" he asked, now looking incredibly guilty. "Did you break up with her? If you did then-"

"We haven't broken up yet," he assured the dark haired boy. "But I know its coming. She knows it too."

Merlin pulled away from his arms, eyes now staring at the floor. "She doesn't deserve this," he bit his lip. "She's going to hate me if she finds out I'm in love with you."

"Then she'll hate us both," Arthur reasoned, not liking the blame Merlin was putting on himself. "Besides, she doesn't know I'm in love with you."

"You didn't tell her?"

"Merlin, why would I do something like that?"

That didn't change the guilt ridden feeling in his stomach. Apparently it didn't do anything to make Merlin feel better either. "I just," the black haired boy wet his lips. "You know no one can find out about this, right?"

"I know," he nodded, resting his forehead against Merlin's. "But I don't care. I love you and want to be by your side. Even if the whole world is against us, I want you."

"Arthur-"

"I want to love you in every way possible, Merlin," he nuzzled the crook of the boy's neck. "I want to lay you down on this bed right now and make love with you."

"Arthur!"

He grinned, kissing him quickly. "But I won't. Not right now, anyway. Unless you absolutely want me to."

Merlin's face went red. "You're a prat, you know that?"

"I know. But I love you anyways."

They ended up just cuddling and chatting the rest of the night till dinner. Afterwards he did his homework, mind swarming with both Merlin and Gwen. He knew he had to break up with her Saturday. He couldn't continue hurting her like this.

Come Saturday, the thirtieth of January, they went to a movie. It was dumb, and they found themselves laughing to it, but it wasn't the same. He could sense the anticipation coming from her, the distracted, faraway look in her eyes. After the movie, they walked down the street, hands in their pockets. He pointed out something cute, trying to get her attention, but she just gave a watery smile.

"Arthur," she started in a voice that sounded so sad in nearly crushed his heart. "We need to talk."

"I know," he agreed, nodding his head slowly.

"You…me…us…it's just not working anymore," he could see her eyes were red from crying, but the brown orbs were completely calm and composed. "What we had is gone. I don't think we'll ever get it back."

"Gwen," he started, but she pressed a finger to his lips.

"I want you to know I'm not mad," she gave a half smile. "I was sad and a bit angry at first, but I'm not now. We haven't felt this way about each other for a while now. We need to stop dancing around the subject and admit it. It's time, Arthur."

He swallowed hard. "I know. Gwen, I'm so sorry; I just-"

"Hey, sometimes it can't be helped," she shrugged, but it looked like she was trying so hard to keep herself together. "I really enjoyed being with you, Arthur Pendragon. I will always hold a place in my heart for you."

"Me too," he gave a tight smile. "I did enjoy being with you. Please don't think that I didn't love you."

"I know you did," she nodded. "And I loved you too. But now I think it's time we moved on. I still want to be friends, though. I don't want to stop being in contact."

"Me too," he kissed her cheek softly. "Thank you, Gwen. For everything. I wish you nothing but the best."

"Me too," she kissed his cheek. "Goodbye, Arthur."

"Goodbye, Guinevere."

She waved down a cab, giving him one more watery smile before jumping in. He stood on the sidewalk, watching as the vehicle drove away. He didn't know how to feel. Relief that he wasn't leading her on anymore was liberating, but at the same time, he did remember how it was to love her. But there was no going back now. What was done, was done.

So he walked down the street, light flakes of snow falling in his hair. He stared up at the sky, allowing himself to feel the hurt. He wouldn't cry, but he wouldn't deny that he was sad. He did not regret the mutual break up, but it still hurt to know that what they had was over.

But his love for Merlin burned stronger than it ever did for Gwen.

* * *

_Keep those thoughts as the sun sinks to set on all our skies,_

_Tie this small memory of a love undone by lies,_

_Valleys deep carved by that sweet embrace into my heart oh,_

_Fluttering, Fluttering, on and on_

_~Hirai hirai by Hatsune Miku~_

**I think you all know what's coming next. See you next time!**


	16. Crazy in love

_**Author's note:** The moment you've all been waiting for! THE BIG REVEAL! Thank you to everyone for their continued support! This is so difficult to write and sometimes I want to cry in frustration, but I've enjoyed working on this. I don't want to offend everyone or make a generalization about rape victims. I've been researching and trying to keep Merlin's personality with adding this horrible trauma. Thank you to all the support you guys give! It means so much to me! You all are awesome and deserve nothing but the best!_

_**Warnings:** Sex and violence_

_**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but minor OCs_

_I stare look so deep into your eyes,_

_I touch on you more and more every time_

_When you leave I'm begging you not to go,_

_Call your name two three times in a row,_

_Such a funny thing for me to try and explain,_

_How I feel and my pride is the one to blame,_

_'Cause you know I don't understand,_

_Just how your love can do what no one else's can,_

_**(Merlin's p.o.v)**_

Like January, February wasn't any better.

If anything, it got colder and the snow was a bit thicker. He shivered as he walked into the house, perfectly ready to sit in front of the fire. It was a Friday and he had nothing better to do. Mithian and Elena were having a double date with Will, who had finally packed up the courage to ask Freya out. He wouldn't deny it; he felt a little left out, but he was happy for them.

He looked over his homework as he sat on the couch, the fire in the hearth warm and welcoming on his skin. He eventually gave up on his homework and settled on reading. He was half way through his book when he felt someone sit next to him on the couch.

"Hey," he let the book rest on his knees as Arthur scooted a bit closer to him. "What's up?"

"Nothing much," Arthur muttered. "Lance and Elyan are mad at me right now since Gwen and I broke up. Morgana's pretty pissed too."

He felt bad for Gwen, but she assured him earlier that week that it was a mutual thing. "I'm sorry," he told the blonde. "Gwen's not mad, is she?"

"Don't know," Arthur shrugged. "She's been avoiding me for a while now. I understand she wants her space; I don't blame her."

He hummed in agreement before Arthur removed the book from his lap. He felt himself being pushed up against the couch as Arthur's lips met his gently. He pressed into the kiss, Arthur's tongue brushing his lower lip gently. He opened his mouth and by doing that, the kiss got more passionate. Arthur's hands were all over him and he fisted his hands into the back of Arthur's shirt. His legs were now wrapped around his waist, very much aware of Arthur's hips barely brushing against his own.

This was reckless, he had told himself many times before, but he shut the voice up. He laced his hands behind Arthur's neck, fingers nimbly threading lightly through the golden blonde locks. When Arthur kissed him harder, he felt it. He managed to push Arthur away, cheeks now stained scarlet. Arthur just looked confused. "What?" the prat asked, worry now replacing the confusion. "Did I do something? Did I hurt you?"

"No," Merlin shook his head, cheeks now hurting from blushing so hard. His eyes went down Arthur's built body, staring at the slight bulge in his crotch. "It's just…do you want to go take care of that?"

Arthur glanced down at his pants quickly before returning his attention back to Merlin. "No; it's fine," the blonde shrugged. "Sorry about that."

"It's fine."

He didn't sound fine, he knew that, but they had never agreed to go this far. While he could internally admit that he had feelings for his step-brother, hell would have to freeze over before he would admit it out loud. This whole situation had gotten out of hand.

But strangely, he didn't regret it too much. He was just worried about Arthur and his reputation. If someone found out and reported it, Arthur would be ruined. He didn't care about himself anymore, but it something happened to Arthur, he didn't think he'd be able to live with himself.

Merlin vaguely wondered where this self-sacrificing nature had come from. Had it always been there? Or was it the result of Uther and his disgusting ways? He wasn't even sure if he could tell the difference anymore.

"Merlin?"

He looked into Arthur's blue eyes; heart skipping a beat as he stared into the strong, confident orbs. What was it that Arthur saw in him? He could have anyone, so why him? "Yeah," he responded, trying to keep his voice steady.

"I think we should have sex."

The book that had been placed precariously next to him fell off. His dark blue eyes widened, the dying flush on his cheeks now returning tenfold. "Eh?" he managed to get out, voice cracking slightly. "Wh…why would you want to do that?"

"Because I love you, and you love me."

"That doesn't mean we should have sex! What if we were caught?"

He felt Arthur placed a steady hand on his face; the warmth emanating from it relaxing. He found himself leaning into the touch, aware of how Arthur was looking at him. "We don't have to do it here," Arthur carried on, slowly; thoughtfully. "I know a few places we could go. That is, if you want to. I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do."

Just hearing that made his heart beat harder. He trusted Arthur; something he would have never done months ago. Arthur had never hurt him. He would stop when Merlin said no and despite being an arrogant prat sometimes, Arthur was respectful. He didn't hurt anyone who didn't deserve it and he wouldn't deny it; he felt safe and at peace around him. He wanted Arthur more than anything, but did sleeping with him make it right?

Everything was just so complicated right now. He couldn't even differentiate between logic and his emotions. Would laying with Arthur be wrong? He loved him in a way that he could never love Uther, no matter how many times the older man said he loved him. His desire for Arthur grew every day. It felt hot and made his heart stop when he saw him. The feelings inside him, they would crush Arthur one day. Arthur would hate him; not want to be near him. If Arthur hated him, then everything would be pointless.

"Hey, hey," Arthur leaned forward, cupping his face in his hands. "Why do you look like you're going to cry?"

"I'm not," Merlin blinked back the tears he knew were forming. "I just…I…"

"Relax," Arthur shook his head, a small smile forming on his lips. "I've never done it either, you're not alone on this. If you don't want to, we don't have to. It's all up to you, Merlin."

_Thump._ There went his heart again. He reached up, throwing his arms around Arthur again to kiss him. Arthur returned the kiss with an equal amount of passion, strong arms drawing him into his lap. He fell on top of the slightly older boy, lips still moving passionately against his.

Arthur drew back slightly, nose bumping into his. "If you want to do it right now, I know some place we can go."

Merlin kissed him again before unhooking his hands from Arthur's body and standing up. "Let's go," he nodded, cheeks now pink. "But, um, where are we going?"

"There's a motel on the other side of the city," Arthur answered, standing up to take his hand again. "No one will know where we're going and if some asks, we're going to go study at the library. Like good little students," Arthur smirked, sounding a little too crass.

Merlin scowled. "Don't be crass!" he flushed darker, nudging the boy. "Do you have condoms?"

"Yup. Father supplied me some the minute I started dating Gwen."

"Are they expired?"

Arthur's light hearted expression fell, eyes now stuck in thought. "Well," he paused, sounding not entirely sure. "I guess I could go buy some new ones."

"That would be a good idea."

"Glad I thought of it," Arthur smirked, ignoring the pointed look Merlin gave him. "What?"

"Nothing," Merlin shook his head, letting a tiny amused smile to grace his features. "Let's just get going."

They hoped into Arthur's silver car, silent the entire trip to the motel Arthur was taking them to. Not that it was a bad silence; more it was a nervous one. Arthur nervous because he was going to have sex for the first time and Merlin because he didn't want to see Uther's face while making love to Arthur. He trusted Arthur, so trust wasn't the issue, but what if Arthur somehow found out? What if…no, he couldn't be thinking about the negatives. Arthur was kind; Arthur wouldn't hurt him.

He wasn't too worried about STDs. Uther always used condoms before penetrating him, though his face was usually squashed into the pillow when it happened. He recognized the sounds of paper being torn and lubricant being squirted, but that still didn't make the situation better.

"Alright," Arthur hopped back into the car, placing the package in Merlin's lap. "Already to go. The motel is not too far away."

The motel was…mediocre at best. Definitely not outdated or dirty, but just an average looking place that anyone could stay at. They passed by some American and Canadian tourists returning from their trip, ignoring the looks two men sent them. What did they care? Merlin just took Arthur's hand as they walked down the hall, barely noticing their surroundings or the snow that was beginning to fall on the ground.

They locked the door to their room, laying the box on the bedside table. The room was painted a simple white, a kind of grayish colored carpet on the floor. The curtains were red, just like the bed and two arm chairs matched the coloring of the carpet. A small bathroom lay on the other end of the room, with only a shower, toilet, and sink. Merlin sat down on the bed, hands wringing together nervously. "So," he started, not entirely sure. "What do we…"

"I don't really know," Arthur was BLUSHING. The pink reached his ears and he averted his gaze from Merlin to stare at the floor. "I guess we start, uh, kissing?"

"Uh, okay."

Arthur moved forward on slow, slightly unsure feet. He stopped at the foot of the bed, where Merlin sat. Merlin took his hand, entwining their fingers together as he scooted back on the bed, allowing Arthur to crawl on top of him. "If I start to do something you don't like, let me know," Arthur kissed him lightly on the lips. "Is that okay with you?"

It was sweet of Arthur, letting him know that he had control of the situation too. Arthur's lips met his and he willingly opened his mouth; their tongues colliding together. Arthur moaned into the kiss, slowly massaging Merlin's cheek with the appendage. The sound went straight to Merlin's flaccid penis, which now twitched as the kiss became more heated. Arthur's hands threaded through his hair, strong fingers twisting the dark locks of his hair.

The lips retreated from his mouth, sliding down to the juncture of his neck. Arthur suckled on the crook of his neck, hands running up and down the sides of his body experimentally. He gasped at one particular bite that sent pain and pleasure coursing through his body. His back arched, hips slamming upwards to meet Arthur's. It took Arthur by surprise, the blonde letting out a hitched breath and his hips circling down towards to meet Merlin's.

Clothes were removed piece by piece, scattered precariously onto the floor until at last, they were exposed to one another. Merlin's erection stood at attention, flushed and pink. Arthur's was the same, if not a bit bigger and thicker. Arthur reached out towards him, gasping when Merlin moved first; grasping Arthur's shaft into his hand.

"God, Merlin," Arthur groaned, tilting his head back at the ministrations Merlin's nimble fingers were doing. "God…"

"Pretty sure God has nothing to do with this," he smiled cheekily, trying to swallow back his unease.

Arthur managed to give an eye roll, but his hips stickled buckled into Merlin's hand. The enlarged cock was glistening with precum, shining under the light of the lamp above them. He let out a small whine when Merlin let go, quickly recovering to press down on him harder. Their cocks rubbed together, the two of them moaning at the sensations now flooding their bodies.

His nipples were as hard as rocks as Arthur scooted down his body, lips ghosting over them before grabbing the right nub with his teeth. Merlin let out a large groan, rocking into Arthur as his nipple pulsed in Arthur's mouth. "A…Arthur!" he gasped, grinding into the blonde. "Arthur!"

Arthur continued his work, moving to the next nipple soon after. When finished, he drew upwards to kiss Merlin again, more passion involved and teeth clacking together messily. He felt Arthur's fingers drift towards his arse, moving to the whole that wasn't very tight at this moment.

He suddenly felt worried. What if Arthur found out? Would he be mad, or would he not even know the difference? The blonde prat certainly wasn't stupid, but would he know if he'd been having sex before?

"Are you sure about this?" he heard Arthur ask. "We don't have to go all the way if you don't want to."

He gripped Arthur's hand, letting the fingers rest against his hole. Arthur took that as a sign of yes and inserted one finger inside. He let out a deep breath of relief, trying to push Uther out of his mind. The older man hardly ever fingered him long enough, but Arthur was turning out to be rather thorough. He inserted a second finger when Merlin signaled to him that he was ready; then adding the third finger and stretching around.

It didn't hurt; he was used to the feeling by now, but it still felt strange. Like he was full and it felt good in an odd way. Of course the stretching still stung a little, but the look of determination on Arthur's face made him feel better. The blonde was so focused on making him feel good and not hurting him that it made his heart slam against his chest harder.

When the fingers brushed up against that spot inside him, he mewled, brushing up against Arthur. He didn't cum, but he was getting closer and closer to that point. He could see nothing but Arthur and the white hot pleasure running through his body. For a first timer, Arthur wasn't bad. He was attentive, surely telling the signs that he would be an excellent lover in the future. Not perfect at this point, but to be fair, it was his first time. And in a sense, Merlin's too.

When Arthur removed his fingers, he gulped. "Are you ready?" the blonde asked. "You can still say no."

"Arthur," he sat up slightly, gripping Arthur's face lightly. "I want you. You already have my consent."

Arthur kissed him sweetly, letting his lips linger on his when the kiss broke. "I love you."

_I love you. _Just those words made him almost want to cry. He didn't though, but he felt vulnerable. This was so different from his times with Uther. While he felt anger and shame with the older man, he felt fear and love for Arthur. Fear that Arthur was the first one to see him like this and love because of his feelings. Was this what it was like for everyone when they made love? Especially to someone they desired and loved with every fiber of his body.

"I'll go slowly," Arthur said, breaking Merlin from his thoughts, the blonde unwrapping a condom and rolling it down his shaft. "If it hurts too much, just tell me."

The tip of Arthur's penis pressed up against his hole, hot and thick even though it hadn't penetrated him yet. He nodded for Arthur to continue, tensing a little as the blonde pressed in. It was always going to hurt; that much was obvious, but Arthur was being so careful. He stopped and waited for Merlin to feel comfortable, only pressing in further when Merlin told him to. By the time he was all the way in, Merlin felt the sweat run down his body. "Move, please," he pleaded. "I'm ready."

Arthur moved inside of him, drawing out slowly and moving back in at the same pace. He was glad they were taking it slow; betting than going at the fast and hurried pace that Uther went. After going slow for several times, Arthur began to pick up, Merlin moaning at the sensations of pleasure mixed in with the slight bits of pain. It did hurt at first, granted, but as they kept going it was replaced by the pleasure. When Arthur hit his prostate, he moaned even louder, the pleasure now overriding his senses. There was nothing but Arthur, nothing but him and the sweet love making. If he could, he would stay in this moment forever just to bask in the love Arthur was sharing with him.

He came after a few more minutes, sticky white semen coating his stomach and Arthur's. He knew Arthur when he felt the thrusting stop, the blonde collapsing against him. Their breathing labored and the room thick with the smell of sex and sweat. He felt Arthur pull him against his chest after the prat removed the condom from his penis, throwing it in the wastebasket nearby.

"That was…incredible," Arthur spoke, kissing the top of his head. "Was I bad?"

"No," Merlin shook his head, smiling at the insecurity Arthur rarely showed. "You'll get better, though."

"So I was bad."

"Prat," he grumbled, smacking his chest lightly. "Did you not hear what I just said?"

"Maybe," Arthur smirked, kissing his cheek. "You idiot."

"Clotpole!"

"Seriously, what the hell is a clotpole?"

They playfully argued a bit more, completely unaware to the world outside of them. They didn't even realize they had been followed and that a storm was brewing. This, was the calm before the storm.

* * *

They didn't speak about what had happened and when they got home later that night, no one questioned them. Merlin blushed every time he thought about that moment in the motel, feeling like no one else could make him feel like that. He felt more than satisfied and if anything, his feelings for Arthur only grew stronger. For a while, he felt like nothing could go wrong.

He was so very incorrect about that.

The door opened and his peace shattered. Uther didn't approach him, he just glared at him with an expression Merlin could only describe as hatred. "You little whore!" Uther roared, slapping him swiftly across the face. "You shagged my son! You little piece of shit, how dare you!"

He grabbed Merlin, pulling him up by the arm. He slammed his head against the wall, fingertips bruising the soft flesh of his face. "Let me go!" he struggled against the man. "Let me go! Let me go! How…how did you find out?"

"I had you followed; I suspected something for a while, you little whore."

How had he known? He thought they had been discreet! Did he and Arthur slip up somewhere and exposed their relationship? "Don't…don't hurt him!" he found himself pleading. "Don't you hurt him! Hurt me! I won't stop you! Just don't touch him!"

Uther barked a laugh, striking him across the face again. "As if I'd lay a hand on my son," he snarled. "But you, you are worthless! Nothing! And then you think you have the right to go and touch my things!"

"Arthur's not a thing!" he snapped, feeling suddenly confident. If Uther lay a hand on Arthur, he didn't know what he'd do. Arthur couldn't be hurt! He wouldn't allow it! "If you hurt him, I swear to God I'll-"

Uther just punched him across the face, hitting him square in the eye. His left eye throbbed, the bone and muscles screaming in agony. He felt his pajama pants being pulled down, Uther quickly undoing his own. "No…" he protested, putting his hands against the older man. "No! No, get off me! GET OFF OF ME! GET OFF ME!"

He was thrashing around wildly, Uther struggling to keep him still. They both froze when they heard the doorknob jiggle, Uther's eyes widening. Merlin just screamed again, prompting Uther to wrap his hands around his neck, squeezing tightly. He pried at the older man's hands, letting out a choked sound. He couldn't talk; he couldn't breathe. The only thing he was aware of was the panic and the sound of his choked voice.

His throat was being crushed by the iron grip! He was going to die! Uther was going to kill him! He struggled, he fought relentlessly to get free, but nothing was working. He could feel his world becoming blurry; becoming less focused. He truly was going to die here, and, he was surprisingly at peace with this. He loved Arthur, so it was okay. It was okay to die with nothing left in his hands.

The weight was suddenly removed from his neck. He couldn't breathe; it hurt too much. But he could vaguely see a blonde man throwing Uther against the wall. Was that…Arthur? Did Arthur save him? No, that couldn't be.

With those thoughts, he closed his eyes, surrendering to a world of darkness.

* * *

**(Arthur)**

How could he not have seen it before? How could he have been so blind?

He sat with his head in his hands, waiting right outside Merlin's hospital room. He had been on death's doorstep when he had burst into the room and found his father strangling his step-brother. He saw nothing but white at that moment. Running into the room and throwing his father into the wall. His father had punched him in the face; cheekbone now bruised but he successfully managed to cause distraction loud enough for his step-mother to come in.

When Uther noticed Hunith, he panicked. When Hunith saw her son, choking on the bed with his pants down, she screamed and jumped Uther. Never in his life had Arthur seen a fiercer woman than his step-mother. A servant had ran into the room, immediately seeing Merlin and calling the ambulance. He took the time to call the police, not knowing what else to do.

So here he was now with Hunith. She was currently sitting next to Merlin, stroking his hair and crying. He felt just as bad as she did. How long…how long had this been going on? The second Merlin arrived in the hospital, they had a rape kit prepared. From what they said, he'd been continually raped for several months.

Rape. The very word made him nauseous. How did he not know? How did he not see it? It made sense; explaining Merlin's odd behavior and weight loss. Was this, Arthur swallowed hard, was this his fault? Did he put Merlin in danger? How could he have done this?

Merlin's neck was bruised; the airway compressed and the larynx damaged to the point where Merlin wouldn't be able to speak for a while. The hyoid bone had been fractured and he could only imagine the pain his step-brother was in. He hadn't woken up yet and Arthur wasn't sure what he would do.

"Arthur?"

He jumped at Hunith's voice, the older woman staring at him with red rimmed eyes. She took a seat on the white bench, taking his hand into hers. "Arthur, thank you."

"There's no need, Mum."

She let out a shaky breath, dabbing her eyes. "I should have known. I should have protected him. I'm…I'm a horrible mother! How could I not have known," her lip trembled and she put her face in her hands, sobbing into them. "My baby; how could I not have known what that bastard was doing to you? I deserve hell! Lord, take me instead and not my baby! Don't let my son die!"

"Hey," Arthur wrapped his arms around her, trying to calm the hysteric woman. "It's not your fault."

"But I'm his mother!" she cried. "This wasn't supposed to happen to him! It should have been me! He should have done it to me! Not my Merlin; not my baby!"

"Shh," he stroked his step-mother's hair. "It's going to be okay; we're going to bring Merlin justice."

She blinked several times, eyes going wide. "You're going to testify against your father?"

Arthur gave a grim look, nodding gravely. "I can't pretend this didn't happen; I can't sit back and allow Merlin to suffer anymore. I…I love him."

"I know."

He jumped, watching as she calmed down and faced him solemnly. He scooted back a little, a little afraid that she would attack him. "YOU KNEW?"

"Of course," she nodded, giving an ironic smile. "How could I not? The way you two looked at each other. It reminded me of how Balinor and I used to look at each other. How Uther and I…" she trailed off, eyes glowing with rage. "I'm divorcing him, Arthur. I can't be married to a man who used me to rape my son. I want him dead."

"I understand."

She then paused, face breaking out in shame. "Oh my God, Arthur," she sighed, shaking her head. "I can't begin to understand how you feel. This is your father; your family. I'm sorry, I'm just so upset and sad and-"

"I understand," he said tightly. He hadn't quite grasped the situation yet; everything just seemed to whirl by him. He felt at a standstill, not sure what to do. "He hurt Merlin. I just want him to be put away. Merlin is minor still; he'll be tried in court. But he could bail his way out of jail if Merlin doesn't testify. I want him in jail."

"Then we need Merlin to tell us what happened."

"I know. But the problem is he might not tell us. He may not ever want to tell us."

He didn't want to think of Merlin as broken, but was he?

* * *

_Got me looking so crazy right now,_

_Your love's got me looking so crazy right now,_

_Got me looking so crazy right now,_

_Your touch got me looking so crazy right now,_

_Got me hoping you'll page me right now,_

_Got me hoping you'll save me right now,_

_Looking so crazy in love,_

_Got me looking so crazy in love_

_~Crazy in love by Beyonce~_

**I love this song so much, but for this story, listen to the Sofia Karberg version. I feel like it fits the mood of the story so much better. I love Beyonce still! She is the Queen!**


	17. Homeless

_**Author's note:** I'm back! Sorry for the wait, I was just trying to do some more research for this story and then I got invested in other stories, so I put this one on the side temporarily. Then finals happened and now I'm back! The next chapter will most likely be longer and I apologize in advance if some characters are OOC. Merlin is just in shock right now and is feeling very overwhelmed. I would be too._

_**Warnings:** None_

_**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but minor OC characters_

_And I feel homeless,_

_And I feel homeless,_

_Your comfortable caresses,_

_Has triggered unfamiliar restlessness,_

_You and I are we,_

_I feel like I lost my individuality_

_**(Merlin's p.o.v)**_

"Merlin?...Merlin?"

The first thing he realized as he woke up was that he was not in his own room.

As dark blue eyes opened slowly, everything hit him all at once. His throat hurt and when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. The person next to him immediately appeared by his side, running a warm hand through his dark hair. The pain was everywhere; so intense that tears welled up his eyes. The world came back into focus so violently his face squelched up in discomfort. As he adjusted to his surroundings, everything hit him in a sudden rush.

He couldn't speak! His throat and neck hurt so much that the tears slipped down his cheeks before he could even stop them. The person sitting next to him turned out to be his mother, and he noticed the tears falling down her face; the relief in her tired eyes. "Oh Merlin," she sighed, her dark orbs red from crying. "My poor baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!"

He wanted to say something; he wanted to talk but it hurt too much. His mother wiped her eyes, her right hand holding onto his tightly. "Your hyoid bone has been fractured," she explained tiredly. "Your larynx is damaged, so you won't be able to talk for a while."

He struggled to sit up, the brace around his neck feeling very constricting. From a mirror in the corner, he took a good look at himself and winced. His eyes were bloodshot and his face gaunt and hollow. Was he really this thin and sick looking? He jumped when he felt something be placed in his lap, looking down to see a white board and a little black marker.

"It would be best if you don't speak," his mother nodded her head. "But if you want to write things down…"

He lifted the marker and uncapped it, writing something down quickly and holding it up to his mother. _"I'm sorry," _it read and his mother's dark eyes widened even further. _"I'm sorry I ruined your marriage, please don't be mad. I tried, Mum; I tried to keep you happy and safe."_

"No!" she took the white board from his hands and set it down. She embraced him, careful not to jostle his neck and cause him further pain. "No, Merlin, this is not your fault! It's mine. I…I should have been more attentive; I should I have noticed what was going on. But I didn't and for that, I am sorry. It should have been me…"

He shook his head, wincing at the pain. She kissed his cheek, taking his hand again. "Can you," she wet her lips, looking at him cautiously. "Can you tell me, Merlin, what happened? When did this start?"

He quickly wrote down his reply, turning his face away while she read it. _"I don't want to talk about it."_

"Please, Merlin," he had never seen his mother beg before and he winced, clenching his fists tightly. Everything was happening too fast; he wanted to crawl under the covers and hide from everyone. All this pity, all this sadness, it felt weird. All he could feel right now was shame and fear. Where was Uther? Was he free? Was he looking for him; lurking outside the door? "Merlin, we can't put Uther away for good unless you tell us what happened."

So Uther was in prison. The thought wasn't very reassuring; considering the man could probably bail his way out. Then what? Would he have to go back to that house? Back to that room where the man had…raped him practically every night? When he didn't say anything, she sighed again and stood up, leaning down to kiss his forehead gently. "I am on your side, Merlin," she spoke gently. "You don't have to hide anymore. I will always be on your side, no matter what."

He just buried himself under his blanket, trying to calm his pounding heart. He heard the door open and close, his mother disappearing. The clock on the wall said it was about noon, so he assumed she was going to get lunch or something. Why wasn't she mad at him? He ruined her marriage; he failed! His stomach churned violently, but he couldn't bring himself to vomit. He noticed a broth left on the side table for him to eat, but he ignored it.

He felt like sand, slipping through the cracks of broken stone. What was he supposed to do now? Where could he go from here? He felt the neck brace, now suddenly missing the red scarf Arthur had given him. The moment he thought of Arthur, the guilt and shame rushed right back in. Arthur had to be furious with him right now. He just ruined their family and there was no possible way the blonde would forgive him for that.

Merlin felt a few tears trickle down his cheeks. If Arthur hated him, what was the point of this anymore? What was the point of continuing on? The stranger who had pulled Uther off of him looked so much like Arthur, but that couldn't have been him. Arthur would have been so disgusted; so disturbed by the scene.

The door to his room then opened, but he didn't look up to see who it was. He already knew.

The footsteps paused briefly by his bed, the room going quiet for several seconds before the person moved again. The chair next to his bed was pushed back, the person sitting in it. Things were quiet once again before a throat was cleared, a tired sounding voice breaking it. "Merlin?" Arthur asked, and Merlin could just tell he was wringing his hands together. "Merlin, could you please look at me?"

He just stayed turned over, even though the neck brace was uncomfortable in that position. He couldn't meet Arthur's face; he couldn't do it. It was pathetic, really. When had he become so weak?

"Merlin," Arthur spoke again, a hand now resting on his shoulder. "Merlin, please don't be angry with me."

Angry at Arthur? His eye brows furrowed and he turned over slowly to look at the boy he loved so much. Arthur inhaled sharply at the sight of the tears stains on his cheeks, and reached forward to take his hands. "I'm sorry, for everything," Arthur looked down at their hands, his firm and calloused hands so warm compared to his. "I should have been able to protect you better. I should have seen what was happening and protected you instead of acting like a prat."

He couldn't say anything; he just gripped Arthur's hand tightly. Why was Arthur being so nice? He quickly reached down and began to write, showing the board to the boy when he was done. _"I'm sorry for ruining your reputation and family."_

Arthur's ice colored eyes flashed in anger and he put his hands on Merlin's shoulders. "No Merlin," he started in an angry tone. "I don't give a damn about my reputation now! He hurt you, Merlin! He hurt you and I was too stupid to see it."

"_You're not stupid!" _he wrote back quickly, narrowing his eyes. _"It's my fault! Everything's been my fault! I should have been able to stop him; I was too weak and cowardly to do anything."_

"You are not a coward," Arthur snapped, biting his upper lip to keep his temper in check. "None of this is your fault; it's Uther's. He shouldn't have done what he did; he shouldn't have raped you!"

He flinched at the very word, face paling and images of the past few months flashed before his eyes. Arthur seemed taken aback by his harsh tone and swallowed, voice becoming more hushed and gentle. "Merlin, we're going to put Uther away. I can't and will not forgive myself if he gets out and continues his daily life. To put him away, I need you to tell me what happened; when it all started," Arthur sighed, taking his hand again. "I pulled him off of you; I'm a witness. Your mum is too. We're not going to sit and watch him get away with what he did. But we can't do it without you. I'm not angry with you, Merlin. I'm going to do better this time. I'm going to protect you."

He felt his eyes widen at the statement and felt more tears well up his eyes. He wrote down something quickly, Arthur's eyes not leaving his body for a moment.

"_I can't talk about it,"_ he stared at the words, the anxiety eating away at him like a parasite. _"I don't want to think about it."_

"Merlin," Arthur pressed on, his voice a bit more firm. "I understand you're scared and upset right now, but we can bring Uther to justice!"

"_I don't want you to be without family," _he didn't know how to bring up the fact about Ygraine, or even when for that matter. _"If Uther is put away, you won't have anyone and it would destroy your relationship."_

Arthur's eyes blazed with fury. "Merlin," he said in an almost angry tone. "Yes, he is my father. But what he did I can't forgive. He used your mother to hurt you; I imagine he's even been the one who's made your mother ill for the past few months. He can't be allowed to roam the streets and hurt others as well."

He couldn't tell how angry Arthur was, but he could see something in his eyes that made his heart ache. There was loss and sadness buried deep in him, and he had a feeling the blonde was bottling it all up. He wanted to be the strong one for his sake; Merlin could imagine that Arthur had been taught his whole life that men aren't supposed to show weakness.

But couldn't it be said that everyone had moments of being weak? To allow themselves a moment of sadness?

"_I want to be alone right now," _he wrote down, trying to fight back the guilt that rose up when hurt crossed Arthur's features. _"I'm tired; I want to sleep."_

Arthur stood up, biting his lip again and stared at him for a good several seconds. "I'll be back," the blonde vowed. "I'm not giving up on you. When you're ready, tell me what happened. Tell us both what happened. I'm always going to be on your side."

He said the same thing his mother said to him. Arthur leaned down, his lips brushing his cheek as he kissed it. He then left, Merlin bringing a hand to his cheek and not aware of the tears slipping down his cheeks.

He sat in the room, alone for a good fifteen minutes. His stomach growled, willing at him to eat something but he couldn't do it. The broth just looked do watery and unappetizing, that he couldn't even lift the spoon to his lips.

"It's not the most appetizing food, but that's a hospital for you."

He didn't even hear the door open until Vivian was standing before him. He heard she'd been released a few weeks ago, but hadn't seen her around school. She looked pale and thin, the bags prominent under her eyes. She didn't sit down, but stood at the end of his bed. For a long time, she didn't say anything and just looked at him with unnervingly calm brown eyes. "I hear Uther is in prison," she started in an almost bored tone. "But how long will it be until he gets out, I wonder?"

"_What are you getting at?" _he wrote down, feeling unusually cross.

"Are you just going to sit there and let him get away with it?" she asked, tilting her blonde head. Her eyes had narrowed, hands on her hips. "You have a chance at putting him away; to get revenge and peace. Are you going to throw it away?"

He grabbed the white board again, writing quickly as she glared at him. _"What do you want? What are you trying to say?"_

"My father committed suicide and got the easy way out," her voice was cold, lacking any feeling behind it. "Your monster is alive and can be put away for life. You can have the revenge I never got."

"_What does revenge gain?" _he wrote down sourly. _"It's not going to change what happened."_

"True," she shrugged, moving a strand of hair out of her face. "But putting him away will give you peace. It will make sure he can't hurt you, or Arthur, or your mother. Believe me, I wish I had the chance to testify against my father. To see his face when the judge decided to lock him away would have given me great satisfaction."

"_Would it have really?"_

"Yes," she sounded very sure, a tiny smile forming. "You can go on and on about how revenge won't make anyone happy, but I believe they're wrong. Uther deserves to suffer for what he did to you," her eyes hardened with malicious intent and he suddenly felt very wary of her. "Tell them what he did to you; end your suffering. They want to help you and there are a lot of people who love you. I wish I had that too."

Before he could write anything down, she turned on her heel and left. He figured she'd only come in to say that, but her words echoed in his ears. He pitied her; she had no one left in her family. Her so called friends in school hadn't even visited her once and he heard the whispers in school. She had no relatives, no friends, and no one. Besides him, there was no one else.

Yet, he had his mother and step-brother beside him in the hospital, wanting to help him. He loved them; he truly did, but was he ready to talk about Uther?

* * *

**(Arthur's p.o.v)**

"Arthur?"

He didn't know how Morgana managed to get into the house without him knowing, but he didn't exactly care at the moment. She stood in the hallway, Mordred on her hip as she looked at him with sympathy. "Arthur," she spoke again gently. "Arthur, have you been crying?"

He wiped his eyes, not answering her question. He would admit only to himself that he'd been crying and he half expected Morgana to laugh at him, but all she did was set Mordred down and went over to him. It was the first time he'd ever been embraced by his sister and it felt nice to be held. The tears continued to fall down his face and before long, a sob broke out.

She only held him tighter, stroking his hair and making calming noises. "Why did he do this?" he asked her, the tears hot against his cheeks. "Why? Why did he do any of this? I don't understand…"

"I don't think we're supposed to," she responded quietly. "I guess our entirely family is one big screw up."

"And we dragged Merlin into," he felt his heart ache, the thought of what happened leaving a sour taste in his mouth. "He didn't deserve this. You know what the press is saying since they found out? They're eating it up! Some saying that boys can't be raped; did you know they're saying that?"

"I don't care what they say," she responded firmly. "When Merlin tells us what happens, we're standing by him no matter what. He's family, and I know what he means to you."

"I love him," he wiped his eyes. "And not how a step-brother should."

"Well, it's not like your blood related," she reminded him, rubbing circles onto his back. "And since Hunith is divorcing him, you won't be step-brothers for much longer."

He looked down when he saw Mordred toddle over to him, his pale hand patting his cheek. "Don't cry, Daddy," the boy said calmly, handing him his stuffed bear. "Mr. Stuffing's doesn't like it."

He only felt more tears fall down his face and he picked the boy up, setting him on his knee and holding him tightly. Mordred didn't even get fussy; he just patted his face and let the bear kiss his cheeks as if he had an injury or something. He just kissed the boy's dark head, feeling his protective instincts rise. If something like this happened to his son, he wouldn't be sitting around doing nothing.

He would put his father behind bars. It would hurt, yes, but it had to be done. He would never forgive him for hurting Merlin.

* * *

_And I feel homeless,_

_And I feel homeless_

_~Homeless by Maria Mena~_

**Review please! Court scene is coming up, so we'll have that to look forward to. I know nothing about British justice system, so artistic liberty may have to be put in place.**


	18. Human

_**Author's note:** I am so sorry for this delay! I know it's been almost a year since I've uploaded but I have to be honest with you guys. I hit writer's block; I had no desire to work on this story and I just couldn't find the inspiration for a while. I didn't want to half-ass a chapter because that's not fair to you guys. I don't know when the next update will be, but I promise that I'm not quitting this story. As for my other Merlin stories, I don't know when they'll be updated either. My winter break is just about done in a few days before next term begins but I'll see what I can do. Thanks to everyone who has supported me so far! You guys are the real miracles!_

_**Warnings:** None for this chapter_

_**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but minor OCs. Merlin and its characters do not belong to me_

* * *

_I can fake a smile,_

_I can force a laugh,_

_I can dance and play the part,_

_If that's what you ask,_

_Give you all I am_

The world is an unkind place, Morgana knows this.

She's known this since she was a little girl. Visiting her step-father's grave with her mother and sister, wondering why she didn't know who her own father was. It was always a hush-hush subject in her family; Morgause patiently explaining that it was a touchy subject for their mother, who worked hard to take care of their small family.

Then there was Arthur. The blonde haired boy on the playground who fascinated and irritated her to no end. Her brother. The father of her son. It seemed as though the universe decided her life was already difficult enough, so why not add a baby to the mix? And why not make it her brother's child?

She could remember the day Mordred was born. Her mother had been the one with her, and she could remember gripping her hand so tightly she thought the bones would break. She barely even registered the doctor speaking to her; the nurses hovering around. She could only think of the pain; so unbearable she didn't think she could ever get the baby out of her. There was only her crying, her mother speaking to her calmly and the doctor trying to get her to push harder.

And then he was there. The pain had subsided gradually and she heard the screaming sounds of her child. She felt anger the second the nurses took the baby away; almost ready to demand to have her child in her arms. Then they placed the babe in her arms, telling her she had a son. He cried, but the moment he was placed in her arms, the cries became quieter.

A few hours later, a little bit after her son had been fed, Arthur came to visit. They didn't speak, but he took him in his arms and for a moment, she thought he saw a genuine smile grow on his face.

She pulled herself out of that memory, setting Mordred back in his crib. She'd finally gotten him to settle down, the boy unusually fussy that night. Her thoughts drifted to the situation at hand and once again, the white hot fury returned. She had never seen Arthur cry before; and she had never anticipated him and Merlin together.

Oh God, Merlin. Her hands gripped the crib tightly, knuckles turning stark white. Why hadn't she seen it? She had always prided herself on being perceptive, but how had she not sensed something wasn't right? Was it that Merlin was so good at lying? How well did she truly know her bastard of a father? She felt a few angry tears slip down her face. This should have never happened to Merlin. He never should have been subjected to that kind of torment.

Had Uther done this to other people as well?

"Morgana? Are you alright?"

She wiped her eyes quickly, turning around to see her mother standing in the doorway. Her black hair, almost always up in a ponytail, hung loosely around her shoulders. Her eyes were red rimmed and glassy as though she had been crying.

"Mum," she took a step forward, more tears slipping down her eyes. "Why are you crying?"

Her mother stepped forward quickly, wrapping her arms around her in a tight embrace. She felt a few tears slip onto her shoulder. Her mother's shoulders shook gently as she pulled back slightly with a watery smile on her face. "It's time I told you everything."

* * *

"How come he didn't say anything? We're his friends!"

"Gwaine-"

"No Percy, why? I want to kick Uther's ass so hard, no, he should have his dick cut off!"

"Gwaine!"

The shaggy haired teen stopped pacing, looking at his boyfriend with enraged dark brown eyes. Percival sighed, standing up to wrap his arms around the slightly shorter male. "Getting angry isn't going to change anything," he spoke calmly; reassuringly as Gwaine practically shook in his embrace. "We're going to be there for Merlin. For Arthur, too."

"And what if the court doesn't do anything about that bastard?" Gwaine was uncharacteristically quietly, voice barely above a whisper. "I can't…not sit by and not do anything."

"Well, we can't exactly bribe the court. Even we're not that rich," he felt his lips quirk up slightly, and he took his boyfriend by the face, eyes meeting. "But we're going to be there. Standing by our friends every step of the way. Uther will never touch Merlin again. Not if we have anything to say about it."

He felt a bit of relief when Gwaine nodded. "I will chop of his hand before he touches him."

"And I won't stop you. As long as it's not in public."

* * *

"This is completely wrong! I want to strangle that guy!"

Mithian broke the pensive look on her face, gray eyes turning upwards to see her girlfriend storming across her room, spouting the first things that came to her mind. It's raining outside, and the steady sound of rain plinking the window is almost calming. Yet the darkness that swims around in her mind is restless; prying her attention away from the problems at hand.

She's probably the smartest girl in the school. No, she _is_ the smartest in the school. Perfect GPA, an honor role student, and not to mention the student body president. She'd always prided herself on her intelligence and now, she didn't know what to think. For the first time in her life, she felt completely stupid.

Merlin had been abused all these months; raped in his own room. She ground her teeth, fists subconsciously tightening. Why didn't he tell them? It angered and hurt her beyond belief that all this had been happening and he never said anything. Though the real thing that bothered her was that she never realized what had been happening. She never could see past his calm, yet happy façade. If she had just had the slightest inkling; the slightest idea that something bad was happening to him…

"It's not fair."

The sound of Elena's voice pulled her out of her thoughts. No longer was the blonde pacing the room, rather she was on the floor, curling her knees to her chest. Sadness now replacing the anger that had been present only a few moments ago. She removed herself from the chair, treading slowly over to her girlfriend.

"It's not fair," as she wrapped an arm around Elena, bringing her body closer to hers, she could feel the warm fresh tears. Elena's eyes were glassy, with tears slipping down her tears. "Why would he do that to him, Mithy? What did Merlin do to deserve that?"

"He did nothing to deserve it!" she reassured her, though her own steady tone was now starting to waver. "That monster took what wasn't his!"

"He raped him! Repeatedly! And we sat there the whole time thinking nothing was wrong!" the anger had returned to Elena, an angry tone she knew the girl used when describing herself. "How…how did we not know? Were we really so blind?"

"How could we have known?" she responded gently, the same uneasiness and rage Elena was feeling now coursing through her. "Sometimes people are really good at hiding stuff they don't want people to know about."

"It still isn't fair!"

She agreed. And for the first time in her life once more, the future had turned to mist.

* * *

He hadn't ever seen Freya cry this much.

All he could do was hold her, barely being able to conceal his anger. Normally Will was able to hold his anger in control, but now, he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to. He wrapped his arms tighter around Freya and for a moment, he felt a few tears of his own sting at his eyes.

The time he snapped at Merlin for being short with his girlfriend…how could he not have realized that his friend was suffering as well?

"We have to be there for him," Freya had calmed down now, lifting her hands to wipe at her eyes. Her beautiful eyes, red and glassy, shone in the dim light of his room. "I can't…I can't sit by and let him be alone."

"Mithian said the same thing," he glanced at his phone, receiving a very lengthy message from his friend earlier. "That bastard, he'll get what's coming to him."

"The media, can you believe what they're saying about Merlin?" she sounded completely disgusted, soft anger in her dark blue orbs. "Boys can't be raped? That he's making things up! And I know, not all of them are saying that, but the ones that are, they just make me so…" she huffed, taking in a deep breath to calm down. "He's been hurt, Will. There are scars there that none of us will completely be able to relate to."

He immediately thought of Vivian. She was still the talk of the school; though Merlin was being talked about more as of late. For months, it had been whispered around as gossip that she tried to commit suicide. Then someone on the news leaked her father had been raping her for years and she'd been pregnant twice. He shuddered at the reminder. "He was really good at hiding," he muttered, not sure if she heard him. "But he could have told us! We would have tried to help!"

"It's not that easy," she sighed once more, turning her face up to look at him. "He must have been so scared; so ashamed even though it's not his fault. I was like that at one point. When my parents," she paused briefly, eyes becoming watery once more. "After what they did for me, I was scared. I was ashamed; I felt that my entire existence didn't even deserve to exist. So in a sense, I understand what he must be feeling."

He only wrapped his arms around her even tighter. He could still picture her in the hospital now; so pale and scared at the thought of going home later than usual. That her parents would be angry with her; that the stability of her family rested solely on her shoulders. Even when they didn't give a single thought to her or her wellbeing.

He could only hope that Merlin didn't feel like he was all alone in this awful situation.

* * *

Kilgharrah Wentworth had seen many cases in his life. Too many scenarios, too many outcomes, and way too many people still left scarred. For a long time, he pondered if any of his wins had actually done anyone any good.

Snorting, he poured more scotch into his cup; taking a long well deserved sip.

If there was anyone in the world he hated more than anything, it was Uther Pendragon. A long time ago, it had just been a case of simple dislike, but now his blood boiled in his veins at the very mention or sight of the man. This wouldn't be the first time Uther Pendragon was accused of rape, but this time, he would put that bastard away. He was, and this was not him bragging, the best lawyer in Great Britain.

All he needed to do was get the boy Merlin to tell him what happened so their case could take off.

Of course, he had to remember that his neck was pretty injured and it would be a while before anything could be done. The boy could write down what happened, but how would one describe in written words the atrocities that Uther had committed? It was all over the news; when the police came to arrest him and pictures were everywhere of Merlin practically dying on his bed with his pants around his ankles.

"Aithusa," he called, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Aithusa!"

He waited patiently, though it was waning, as the said person poked their head in. She was popping her gum again, something he found to be incredibly annoying and unprofessional, but alas young people these days. "What?" she asked, popping her gum and looking at him with those piercing blue eyes. "What do you need, Uncle?"

Aithusa had only recently become a paralegal and since she was young, he promised her parents he would look after her. So far, she was doing a fantastic job. A very determined, yet rebellious, young woman with a very bright future. If only she would stop popping her gum in that very irritating manner. "I need you to get Pendragon on the phone."

"Which one?"

"Arthur," he responded, clearing his throat to correct his mistake. "To ask him if Merlin has said anything."

"I believe he still has that brace on," she commented, taking the scotch glass away from him to drink out of it. "But he should be getting it off today, I believe."

"Good. Get him on the phone."

"Whatever you say," she picked up the phone on his desk, punching in the numbers with pale fingers and pushing a strand of loose white-blond hair from her face. Just as he was pouring himself more to drink, she snatched the bottle away. "No more for you! Unless you're going to share."

He only grumbled and pulled out another glass, pouring some for her and taking his own glass back. "That man got Aredian as his Director of Public Prosecutions. Out of all the people, he gets that crafty bastard!" he practically stomped around his desk, under the cool gaze of his niece. "Now it's going to be even harder to prosecute him! Uther is one thing, but Aredian? He has the entire court in his pocket, I tell you that!"

"Calm down before you have a heart attack," Aithusa rolled her eyes, but even she looked troubled at the prospect of Aredian. Almost no one won their case when Aredian was the DPP. She set down her glass, walking quietly across the wooden floor board to stand near him, hand resting on his shoulder. "There's a lot of evidence against Uther. He raped a boy who's still in high school; there's no way he can walk out of that unscathed. We can win this; Aredian's going to have a hard time getting him out of this. Remember, this is Crown Court case. He can't offer him a plea bargain."

He let out a sigh, bowing his head down once to stare at the off orange liquid color in his drink. "You're right, I suppose."

"Damn right I am."

He opened his mouth to reprimand her, but a knock on the door quickly silence him. Aithusa moved towards it quickly, almost jumping back in surprise. "Mrs. Le Fey, what are you doing here?"

In stepped a woman dressed entirely in black, as though she had just arrived from a funeral. Her black curls were pinned back into a bun, dark brown eyes red rimmed from crying. She stood in the center of the room, ignoring the surprised looks on both their faces. "Mrs. Le Fey, this is surprising," he hadn't ever spoken to the woman much before, despite her being a very well-known figure in society. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"I'm sorry; I know it's late," she said quietly. Her eyes stared into his intently, giving the clear sign she had an agenda to finish. "But there's something I should do. No, something I need to do that I should have done a long time ago."

"And that is?"

"I want to testify against Uther Pendragon."

* * *

_But I'm only human,_

_And I bleed when I fall down,_

_I'm only human,_

_And I crash and I break down,_

_Your words in my head; knives in my heart,_

_You build me up and then I fall apart,_

_'Cause I'm only human_

_~Human by Christina Perri~_

**Well, review please! Sorry if the song didn't entirely match the chapter, but I couldn't think of a better one.**


End file.
